To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

Yeah, sorry. Every reality show I've ever watched has, essentially, been exploitative, and I assumed that this one would be doubly so. But of course there are (thank god) rules and regulations about exploiting very vulnerable people on telly and these must have contributed to a less cynical type of programme.

So I withdraw everything I said about the programme, and just want to stick to the strangeness of the OP wanting yet more focus on the people whose autism is least severe, and her seeming distaste at the idea that these least-affected people have to endure the representation on telly of people who are more severely affected.

Absolutely this. Gobsmacked at the OP

Guess what OP, this programme isnt about you.

Actually, it may be you who is infantilising the participants, OP, as you seem to assume they’re not capable of providing informed consent to take part. Several of them have been in multiple seasons of the programme, so they and their families clearly don’t deal they’re being exploited, infantilised, belittled or laughed at.

This may be a you problem, given your determination to distinguish your DCs from the people on the programme.

Absolutely this

Part of the ASD 'community' no doubt, well except that part of the community, not associating with them, no way.

Do you understand how tv works? It needs to be entertaining/informative/make you feel something. Otherwise who’s going to watch it?? I don’t think Love on the Spectrum is taking advantage of people or making fun of autistic people. I don’t think it infantilises them either - that C4 show ‘the undateables’ definitely DID do all of those things. But this one is much better. It helps raise awareness about autism and how it presents in some people. It also helps people understand that autistic people are just like everyone else in their needs and desires and deserve to have a relationship and fall in love just like anyone else. I certainly don’t think “awww bless them” when I watch it, I think “good on them”. It’s very unlikely the colleague you overheard saying it was funny actually meant she/he enjoyed laughing at people with learning disabilities. Very unlikely anyone would openly admit that these days. They probably meant it’s funny and entertaining which it is, but it’s not designed to make you laugh AT them.

I’m also shocked by your attitude of “mine are autistic but not like these freaks” attitude. That’s really not a good attitude to model to your kids. It’s going to cause them (or possibly has caused them now they’re adults) to have internalised shame about having autism. It reminds me of an acquaintance who once said to me in the early 2000s, “I don’t like those really butch lesbians with short hair and piercings, you’re alright though cos you look normal”. No wonder I had so much internalised homophobia growing up. My friend has a “normal presenting” autistic child but he has plenty of friends like the ones on that tv show, goes to kids clubs with them, mixes with all kinds of autistic and non-autistic kids. His mum has taught him to be proud of who he is and of being different and accepting of anyone despite where they are on the spectrum. I think that’s a much better attitude to help everyone in society to be accepting of ND people

Yes.

Your post is very ableist for a Mum of 2 ASD adults

calling the subjects odd for example

Maybe if you watched a few more episodes you'd see it really is a sweet and heart warming show. Voices like these are so underrepresented in society.

Also lots of programmes look at the quirks and trials and tribulations of people who arent autistic in whatever sphere of life is depicted, whats the issue with looking at the same for people with autism. This happens to be about dating, not really any different to the programme First Dates in terms of 'entertainment'.

Yes, the show should feature everyone in the World so that all are represented.

I haven’t seen seen the latest series but I have seen previous ones and they definitely featured people with a wide range of abilities. They had a woman who was an animator and ran a hugely successful business and had a very independent life as well as people who were unlikely to live completely independently. Featuring people who mask their autism to the degree that not even their very close friends know they or autistic and even their own mother didn’t know they were autistic in childhood isn’t really in the spirit of elevating the romantic challenges faced by young adults who can’t or don’t hide their autistic traits and other co-morbidities from people they meet socially.
It would be like making a big effort not to hold onto junk and have clutter in you home even though it doesn’t really come naturally then having a good moan that Stacey Solomon won’t lay out your sparse belongings in a warehouse or thinking, Catherine de Burgh like, if you practiced cooking and learned lots of new and tricky techniques then you might be good on master chef and they are just being prejudiced not putting you in anyway.

I’m another who finds the attitude in the OP offensive.

Outrageous OP. Personally, if someone can mask to come across as 'normal' then to me, they are not autistic.

Interesting that of those posters who said they like the show, most are autistic themselves. My friend who has an autistic child also thinks it’s great. That says a lot. Maybe it’s the people who have no experience of autism and think it’s exploitative are actually the ones infantilising autistic people by thinking any depiction of them doing normal things like dating MUST be exploring them

It's a TV show for entertainment.

There is no obligation for it to include participants like your children or participants who are gay or participants or participants who are deaf or any other type of person.

They cast who they think will make the best TV show.
It's not a charity - it's a business. They don't need to represent everyone - they need to entertain.

I imagine that some of the participants on other dating-based reality shows do have high-functioning autism, and that this may even have been referenced in the shows. Certainly, shows like Great Pottery Throwdown have contestants with autism, and participants discuss how it affects them.

In other words, there is a LOT of programming that takes very great pains to include people with high-functioning autism. It gives programme makers the cosy feeling that they are being inclusionary and diverse and even edgy. But the effect of this type of self-congratulatory inclusion of the nicer kinds of autism has often been to make more profoundly autistic people less and less understood and seen.

I find it hard not to be angry that, despite this over-representation of people like your children, you object to the representation of different types of autistic people in just one programme.

As you say, it's entertainment not an awareness raising documentary. All these types of shows, even where the people featured don't have disabilities, are exploitative, as the general public are being used for cheap entertainment with edits used to portray them in ways that create maximum drama. Its not a genre I'm a fan of so I vote with my remote.

Ah, good. It’s “Performative Outrage about Autism” day in Mumsnetland!

Yep, that's my daughter 100%. She's never had a proper boyfriend and I do worry her autism will cause major problems if/when she finally gets one due to her quirks & difficulties so I hoped perhaps "Love on the Spectrum" would explore people at varying points of the spectrum instead of focusing on one type (the type that make good telly). Perhaps that's a whole different programne though. Admittedly, I only watched one episode (and switched it off before the end) but my initial thoughts was that it was exploitative sorry x

You need to watch it, because it’s nothing like you, or OP describe.

Yeah…it’s kids like yours that make me think Uta Frith is spot on…

Nope. That’s not what masking is. At all.

I do not have a child with SEN, but also love and appreciate the show and a thousand percent not to laugh at anyone. I love the show because I find it tender and sensitive and life affirming and allows people who don’t fit the stereotype of what conventional is to exist, be seen, express themselves, have aspirations like everybody else, seek love etc….It has allowed me to learn a little about how life is for a select group of people on one section of the spectrum (and for their families).

I have always felt it is done very sensitively. There is one guy who does almost all the filming and interviewing and you can tell the participants really like and trust him, and he gives participants lots of time to express themselves, and very gently, subtly intervenes if there is ever a situation (for example if they are feeling stress on dates) that crosses over to needing a helping hand, but he always still leaves them with autonomy- just asking if they need a break, or making gentle, one sentence suggestions. I believe the participants also have significant editorial control and get to cut things out they don’t like. And many, many come back season after season which suggests they find the experience positive. I am glad some parents of autistic teens on this thread feel the same to me, as I would hate to watch something exploitative or unfair. From my perspective, it has definitely enriched my understanding of part of the spectrum and humanity as a whole.

what is true is it only looks at a certain section of the spectrum. I think that’s a pretty sensible approach, as the needs are so different at different points in the scale. And I can see an argument for being more explicit in the programme about this not being fully representative. But that is different from claiming that the show is designed to be exploitative and laugh at people with autism. I really don’t think it is.

OP, I think you’ve been a bit triggered to do with how you want to see your own kids?

If this is real and not a windup, then your children should never have been diagnosed and are why there's such a backlash about overdiagnosis now.

My exact thoughts.

DH and I don’t like the show either. We both find it exploitative of autistic people. DH has ASD, and our DD has ASD. We watched it a bit when it was first on tv.

DD saw a segment of Gogglebox about it. She was really confused why people with ASD would be singled out to be featured on a show, why they’d be regarded as so different to be of interest as entertainment. She was a bit upset by it. That confirms our choice to not watch it.