To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

@HaveYouFedTheFish "Some of these people are (in my professional experience) more "profoundly" Autistic than some other individuals with diagnosed severe intellectual disabilities and autism and an absence of functional language, because of the severity of their traits almost all their waking hours." It's interesting to watch how those with severe LD but fewer autistic traits differ so much from those with low average IQ with profound autistic traits.

That other poster has no idea, it's not all about comorbid LD at all. Not all of this community have an LD. It could just as easily be said that the "other side" of the spectrum is all about comorbid mental illness.

The suggestion that what we're saying is ableist is ironic in the extreme.

One person supported by someone I worked with was at risk of gouging out their own eyes.

It's because it's dishonest, she doesn't like the programme because she's worried that some of that abnormal autism will rub off on her "extremely attractive" daughter and guys will be put off.

Quite a lot of the participants in this programme I would describe as high functioning. My son can't even talk or use a toilet yet at 7, so Christ knows what you'd think of him.

This is why tik tok autism is so problematic, it doesn't show the full spectrum at all

This is the attitude of ppl arguing that level 3 doesn’t exist - primarily bc they do not want themselves / their children to be associated with this embarrassing socially uncomfortable type. It’s not only bizarrely elitist, it’s also an inverted and distorted type of ableism that they do not want ppl to recognise this type as the disability it has been medically categorised in bc they are disgusted by it. So gross. And wrong!

I volunteer with autistic teenagers and would say a lot of them are actually more severely affected than those on the show (which I’ve watched every episode of).

For instance, some of the teenagers I support are almost non verbal apart from a very few words, or will take themselves off alone to stim. They wouldn’t be able to take part in a show like that at all.

In the UK I think most of the show’s participants would actually be in mainstream schools.

i just watched it and loved it. Very eye opening actually and really interesting to see each persons ASD so differently. I admit I have no first hand experience with ASD but I do have an understanding of it. Why should people on the spectrum not find love? I’d rather watch these genuine people find someone than watch love island! It’s inclusive and honestly yes people will watch and probably laugh because they are cruel mother F*ers bur over all I think it’s a real eye opener for people too. But for anyone who watches it and loves I have to say I low key love Logan. And also mr cowboy sweetheart 🥰🥰

Exactly. Not covering yourself in glory here OP
As the parent of an obviously, but able, autistic adult who chose to take part in a tv series- not based on dating- it's always a balance between genuine education and honestly putting on screen something people want to watch.
I loathe attention so chose not to appear in my child's segment but supported their decision to risk it. The film crew and other personnel were all very respectful of my child and us.

But the whole point of the programme is that these people struggle with dating and need the help and support.
If your DC’s are high functioning with good social skills then presumably they don’t need this level of support.
YABU

My 21 year old son has ASD and he definitely can come across as odd and awkward sometimes and sometimes much less so. I too wonder at a diagnosis of ASD for someone who just seems normal all the time.

As for the show. I liked the couple of episodes I saw. I think it was quite realistic but also lovely and hopeful sometimes. I find it mostly heartwarming and sometimes sad.

I dont think the programme was treating any of the participants badly or taking the piss in any way.

Quite. Rather telling how much certain autistic people look down on some of their fellow autists if they think these folk are "extreme". " God forbid we get lumped in with those people" appears to the the root of their offence

hey OP, your kids aren’t autistic. You’re welcome.

Where care is provided it's often physical safety in the form of carers or a residential placement, but it doesn't mean the person's psychological or emotional needs are necessarily supported. ... A lot of the Autistic people with diagnosed learning disabilities in residential care still spend huge amounts of time in crisis, attempt suicide, rotate daily through depression, euphoria, meltdown and anxiety.

Yes, and I just want to add a reminder that just a few years ago there were two revelations of residential homes where staff inflicted very severe abuse indeed on some very vulnerable residents with autism. I'm just gobsmacked by the fact that some posters on this thread seem to think that profoundly autistic people are well-cared for in our society.

I'm sure there are lots of very good facilities, but there are also families in permanent crisis because of the unavailability of residential care. And I don't doubt that there are also families who are fearful that the residential care options available to their Autistic family member may not be of an adequate or safe standard.

Yes this. You sound quite vile and ableist of people with more moderate autism with your goady post.

As a mum to what you call a "frankly odd" autistic child you are a twat OP.

As are a number of the autistic posters saying similar.

There's several things going on here.

Firstly, there's 'sexy' autism (sorry, if anybody has a go at me about this term I'll ignore them as I do not mean sexy as in sexual-I mean trendy) that is about being unusual, but still highly functioning and often paired with an extreme talent and high IQ:
Tarquin is on the spectrum.

Then there is not good type filled with people with far less 'boastable' features.

This is my observation, this is aibu and I ask you don't shoot the messenger.

When it comes to short term relationships men would probably rather date an attractive girl with autism than a plainer girl without.
Any traits will be written off as quirky. At least in the initial stages of dating.

A good - looking high functioning autistic man is also at an advantage as he is more likely to be blunt - which in a world full of neuro-typical men who'll over think asking a girl out for sometimes years can be refreshing.

In other words, it is not the case at all that autistic, high functioning good-looking people are necessarily at a disadvantage as regards short-term dating over neuro-typical people.

Long-term dating? Oh yes.

In any case, as short-term dating is easier for good-looking people full stop, I don't need to watch people like my ex- high functioning autistic guy who women used to gravitate towards like bees to honey because he stood out and was blunt.

He was at no more of a disadvantage to any other guy in this regard.

Your use of the terms lower and higher functioning speaks volumes.
‘Masking’ as a verb is a misnomer. All it means is that some people have more insight into social encounters / relationships than others and can adapt more readily. Most people diagnosed with autism in later years are able to do this, as are the overwhelming majority of people who are do not have an ASD diagnosis.
I will agree with others though - using people with a neurological disability for entertainment fodder is pretty grim. But then again, I hate most reality TV shows as their main premise is to find a group of people who have something in common (the main one being their desire for 5 minutes of fame) film them in group interactions, heavily edit the filming and sell the show to the highest bidder.

"The group with a learning disability too don’t tend to be the ones doing that. Yes it’s beyond tough but how are they being ignored? They have a high level of care."

I think you are naive about the actual 'care' this group gets.

Incredibly - and it seems from later posts - willingly naive.

I wish there were a button that allowed me to indicate how much I disagreed with a post 😕

Are people actually arguing that? What do they think level 3 is if not autism ? Gees.

@WhatTheHellsGoingOn I've seen it described as the gentrification of autism, which I thought was quite apt.

Yes, believe it or not they are. From what I’ve read it is usually autistic ppl themselves who are high functioning / level 1. They are telling parents of level 3 children that their child is not autistic or that the severe traits aren’t autism…. you can only conclude that they strongly don’t want to be associated with people like them. They probably fear that NT’s will assume they are all the same - when it’s pretty obvious when you interact there is a distinction. But it comes across, as others have pointed out, that they are embracing the ‘cute/quirky/interesting’ side of autism but are basically being hateful gatekeepers to anyone who is actually more severe. That’s a bit like partially sighted ppl telling fully blind ppl they can’t call themselves ‘blind’ bc they’re not the same level as them. 😑🤦‍♀️

I think there is an element of that going on yes.

What’s really sad is that autism is finally being recognised, accepted, and in many cases embraced. But the ones who are benefitting the most from this need the least help and support, and some are purposefully making it harder for those who are needing it, and what’s worse, attempting to put obstacles in their way. It’s hideous.

Indeed.

the fact that poster thinks anyone is getting the support they need is laughable.

Every parent I know of a SEN child with autism is on their knees with zero support. My son attends a specialist school - there’s no wraparound care, no holiday clubs, almost impossible to get a PA.

The two “high functioning” children I know with autism can attend normal holiday clubs, mainstream school etc etc.

I always thougjt of my child as high functioning as she can speak read etc

However she is out of school and has never been able to go to any childcare.

So..I feel like a new group of kids have superseded her 'high needs '