To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

I bet other people view you as more odd than you think they do, op

It sounds like a bragging post.
It's strange your daughter has been diagnosed at all. It seems she has a normal life and her difficulties are normal for what many other people without a diagnosis experience in life. Maybe you are one of those who thinks that think that autism is a superpower.

Stealth boast..

I've watched the show and feel like lots of these individuals come across to have very fulfilling lives with great loving families behind them. It shows the journey they have finding love which isn't always straight forward for them. I don't feel it's piss taking at all. Obviously it's entertaining because these people interact differently and it can be funny. Doesn't mean people are taking the piss!!

Interesting you think it’s taking the piss, I think it’s a sensitively done look at what life is like for SOME people on the spectrum. We all know is a spectrum as well - don’t worry, your kids won’t be tarred with the same brush!

THIS!! 💯

The superpower nonsense absolutely enrages me

The Audience is the same kind of circus show approach.

It’s on audience then. There are posters who find it heartwarming and then there are posters who think it’s like watching circus. You think these people should be hidden away because there will always be people who would be unkind.

I agree.
at least the term was never used in the show! And it did feature a lot of “independent” “educated“ and ”attractive” autistic people, some I think have LD, some more socially awkward than others.

Isn’t the message with Autism— if you’ve met one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism?

Bizarre reading of what I said.

This. This. AND THIS!

Perfectly said.

I have 4 ND children but only 2 with autism. I understand your frustration but still voted you were being unreasonable. I have taught all 4 of my kids to revel in any perceived weirdness because they fit together as a family perfectly. I have also taught them to take as much advantage as they can if others are ignorant enough to treat them separately. Case in point being Disneyland Paris. But I have also taught them that there is a reason they're still classed as having autism and to feel comradeship and patience with their cousins.

I am, once again, disgusted by what 'popular' TV shows display. I also saw recently an advert for Virgin Island - blurgh. But equally having recently returned from visiting a highly controlled country it must remembered that we can't have freedom of speech without the freedom element. Just turn it off and don't watch it.

I really like the show and you really root for the people on it. There are funny elements but in a really endearing way. Nothing mean. It’s heartwarming

If your children are able to live "normal" lives and form relationships then quite obviously people like them wouldn't be on that show.

A show called "normal, boring love" probably wouldn't be as interesting.

There's nothing wrong with having a show that offers representation of a type of person that isn't normally shown on television. It can be very daunting to have a condition that makes life so difficult, and seeing someone like you conquering something like love can be absolutely life changing.

Your horrible 🤬 it's called a spectrum for a reason just because your kids are high functioning not all are!

I watched it with my autistic dd who loved it. The programme clearly explains that as a spectrum disorder it is not depicting a whole diagnosis. They are trying to find lovely people who struggle to interact and meet each other in today's world. I really enjoy it (bar the cheesy ending which I wasn't a fan of) and look forward to the updates on the people they film as they grow. It is a great show for awareness of confusing daily situations, while showing the strengths autistic people can have alongside their struggles.

ive noticed there's quite a lot of it on here...

“all exploitative” is assuming people aren’t able to make an informed decision themselves?

Indeed. Usually by parents of children who are either so high functioning or actually aren't autistic in the first place.

All reality shows are exploitative. The way talent show participants need a story, journey and not just to be good at singing etc. is an example

Never heard of “masking”?!

This. You need to go and read your OP back properly… it does not make good reading.

Another thing that jumped out at me, is you seem so proud that your kids can mask… this means that they cannot (for whatever reason) be their authentic self. This is immensely sad.

my DH is autistic but late diagnosed and I’m late diagnosed adhd. We have 4 early diagnosed autistic/adhd kids. 2 high functioning and 2 high needs.
I can imagine that one of my DC would have made great telly on undatables or love on the spectrum because some of the things he does to a typical person would seem frankly batshit. We tell him that he does things that are funny and he is funny, just don’t ever take it to heart if people laugh at him. It’s life. He isn’t there for the entertainment of others but equally the stuff he does and continues to do are very amusing. I’ve posted on here a few times with my old username a few things he’s done that have been hilarious and posters have found it funny, especially other Sen parents who imagine their own kids doing similar. I don’t want him to live a life of cruel mockery, but equally, when it’s his 21st birthday and I tell the story about how he had a police officer visit his Sen school and explain you only ever ring 999 with a serious reason and he took it so literally he rang 999 and told them his parents were dead and the house was on fire and the police and fire brigade flew here within moments and I’m stood, very much alive in a non burning building as he’s explaining “but I need a serious reason to see them, you being dead and the house on fire is as serious as I could
think up”. Or the time he used a sharpie to give himself a moustache that can only be described as “the hitler” and it didn’t come off no matter how much micellar water or baby oil we tried so for almost a week he went to school moustache’d like adolf hitler. Which went down a storm with my Jewish grandmother and aunt. Or the time in b&q the security guard was chatting to him about his Minecraft t shirt and the chat quickly changed to the job of a security guard and he told
my son he is there to stop people stealing. DS took this as a challenge and stole a single tile. I still use it as a coaster. We got in the car and DS who’s was about 5 said, “I wouldn’t let him keep his job” as he removed the tile from under his top. Autism/adhd no matter how palatable or unpalatable it is for people who don’t get it can be funny. It’s okay to laugh at funny things. A joke stops being funny when it’s cruel. Mockery and cruelty aren’t ok. A very literal person doing something ridiculous can be brilliant. Let’s celebrate that. We can enjoy things that are completely different to what we expect without it coming from a place of bullying.

I’ve never watched the program, so can’t offer an opinion on it, but I find your terminology quite upsetting.

My son is one of those ‘odd’ people you describe. He has utterly no desire to socialise with anyone and actively avoids it, obsesses over objects or ideas, has muscle weakness and poor coordination along with the classic gait when walking. I’m quite perturbed that there are still people who would openly use words like odd and lower functioning to describe someone with a disability.

Yes. Outgoing, socially able, large circle of friends, but "autistic"…

What's now called "masking" followed by "going into hibernation" used to be just making an effort and showing your best side when with others, then enjoying rest and solitude at home for a while.

Not every aspect of personality needs a label. It detracts from the usefulness of the "label" when it’s really needed.