To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

I think some of the people on the show probably are able to mask in RL, like Kaelyn and Steve (who was middle aged when he was disgnosed) and Journey, maybe even James, but 'we' only know they're on the spectrum because they're on the show and are not masking.

I think they show a range of the spectrum, James is nothing like Subodh, who is nothing like Dani who is nothing like David.

As a parent of two autistic young adults who couldn't attend mainstream school, I didn't take the op's post as being "against" less well functioning autistics at all. What struck me was her friends remark about it being funny.

Autistic people and their quest for love isn't a freak show for other people to laugh at!

And "first dates" is exactly relatively normal people going about their love life and gets loads of viewers. I haven't watched "love on the spectrum" no need, I live it 😃

@Jobs4kids I completely agree with you. It is sad but predictable that the majority here disagree.

Btw, I could be your daughter’s much older (I’m 58) twin!

Like many women with high functioning autism I mask so well that absolutely nobody has ever suspected I have autism because I never let them see the real me. It is exhausting.

Before I had ever heard the term masking I used to say that I could “put a face on” and that I felt like I was “on stage” in social situations which is of course the same but without the modern terminology.

TV likes stereotypes and extremes because this is what the majority of people want to watch.

Personally, I can’t watch any of the current fashion for dramas with a supposed autistic character (Patience, Professor T etc) because they just annoy me so much.

I don’t like reality programmes so wouldn’t have wanted to watch Love on the Spectrum but I saw the title pop up on my streaming and knew straight away what sort of patronising crap dressed up as positivity it would be.

To be honest posts like this make me wish there was a different diagnosis/category/something for children like my son.

He has ASD, is non speaking and has huge support needs.

His life is so unbelievably different to those with “high functioning” ASD that it may as well be another condition entirely.

OP you should thank your lucky stars your children are the way they are and it doesn’t even need mentioning apparently that they have ASD.

I’ll admit, the only bit I’ve seen is what I saw on Gogglebox, but it made for uncomfortable viewing. It felt mawkish and a bit unkind to me.

But it also made me want to watch more as so far, I’ve only seen an extremely awkward date scene and I assume that isn’t representative of the whole show.

As someone with high functioning autism, I love watching this show with my DH. Yes some moments are funny, but that’s because the cast are genuinely funny and makes some great jokes. My DH and I always finish watching the show feeling more in love than when it started because it’s infectious and heartwarming. Also, I/we can see similarities to myself in some of the cast because I barely spoke or made eye contact with my DH for the first 6 months of our relationship. I don’t think the show will harm your children.

Do tell us why you got your 'high functioning ' children diagnosed OP.

I have a mixed reaction to it.

I love seeing the autistic individuals thriving and learning just being themselves and I have learned a lot from cast members in earlier seasons that I still follow who do advocacy work. I find their take on autism extremely informative for my parenting. There have been some excellent examples of great autism parenting too.

At times I don’t like the way I’ve seen it spoken about online. I’ve seen quite a lot of very patronising but well meaning commentary which just doesn’t sit right with me.

I'm high functioning neurodiverse and I like it. It doesn't need to feature people like me because no one who meets me doubts my right to romantic relationships.

Having worked for charities providing support for people with autism and/or learning disabilities, the sad reality is that many people who have the capacity to choose to enter these relationships are prevented from doing so because people think they are incapable. At one job I had parents of an adult woman with autism ringing to demand that we keep her daughter completely separate from her boyfriend at a group they both attended because 'she's too innocent to think about things like that'. The daughter was devastated at having her mutually respectful relationship, that was being supported by trained staff who ensured she understood healthy relationships and consent, stopped because her mother believed her autism made her a perpetual child.

@keepswimming38 that was exactly my point, perhaps I wasn't very clear. I haven't watched the show myself but I'm not sure it is ok for these young people since I know my children wouldn't want to do it.

My personal take on shows where people with autism or any disability are set up to find love in front of the cameras is that it's exploitative. I think The Audience is the same kind of circus show approach. Of course all reality shows are exploitative to an extent especially in the realm of emotional vulnerability. I just think some shows make this more obvious and feature more vulnerable participants

I havent watched it but if they are able to take part in this programme they are far more high functionong then my son
As you must be aware the spectrum us huge and can range from highly academic people who are seen as a bit quirky
To non verbal ,severly disabled peoole who need 1:1 care at all times .

My main issue with the show is that the don’t compensate the participants fairly. I used to enjoy it, but since I found that out it doesn’t sit right with me.

I haven’t watched many episodes but I think it’s rather city centric. Which is fine.

But, on the premise that one cannot be what one cannot see, I think it’s fabulous for all those who don’t have autistic peers around them, have little targeted support (in rural Australia, that would be due to distance to the nearest support) and they and their families are left to muddle through as best they can.

I also think it’s good for autistic kids to have something to discuss and have fun with amongst themselves. They don’t have to be exactly like everyone featured on the show - just see a little something and think “I’m like that!”

I will also point out that some of the people featured on “Love on the Spectrum” have gone on to jobs and to have roles in “The Assembly” and have quite the following.

Absolutely it’s one of our favourites shows, no piss taking at all. Also love undateables
very heartwarming shows that spread awareness

It’s good to know that so many people with ASD like this show. I watched it once; I think there were some young people with Down’s syndrome on it. It made me feel uncomfortable due to issues of true capacity to consent, and whether they were being exploited. One girl needed her mum around for the date and I wondered about how much she really understood about what was happening.

I have NT friends who love the show, telling me how ‘sweet’ it is; that feels so so patronising to me. But maybe I am wrong.

I am allegedly 'high functioning' autistic and am definitely a bit weird and really- so what? Oddness is not something to be ashamed of , or hide and I kind of admire anyone who would go on such a show.
And it is so so infantilising to assume that autistic people cant give informed consent, or choose to go on this show.

I'm autistic, my kids are both autistic (all diagnosed) and my husband sure as hell ain't neurotypical. I'm deliberately not watching the show because a) it doesn't appeal to me and b) I've already got enough trouble fitting into any of the pre-defined autistic "tribes" without feeling any more of an outsider (funnily no one's interested in late diagnosed women who just muddled and masked the fuck through it all a bit craply and are still just trying to get through everything).

I wouldn't watch Love Island either cos that would wind me up.

I don't pride myself on how well my kids mask though - I'm proud of many many things - their tenacity, their spark and their confidence that autism is just one factor of many things about them that make up their identity - not some kind of massive deficit, but just one element of them. We don't expect masking - but we do expect behaving not like a knobhead in our house.

I have 2 dc both severe non verbal. Before my daughter was assessed I mentioned to family I think she has autism. Their reaction was I don’t think so autistic children are very clever. But that’s often not the case. A lot of the young people they were at school with are like the young people you describe in the program. I was the same with the undateables. Though I hated the name of the series I loved watching it. Love on the spectrum is a much better title.

Which one are you watching? The one I’ve seen has seemed quite wholesome to me. Some have found love and are getting married.

You watched part of one episode and are now saying that ‘they should explore people at various points in the spectrum?’

I have never watched this but I imagine they did feature other people in the other episodes??

That focused on one thing in one episode, as the episode would be a bit long if it featured every single person in the world. Daft.

I don't agree at all with these sort of programmes. As you say, they are undermining a group of people for entertainment purposes.

However, I totally disagree with your view that very high functioning autistic people deserve to be featured. Why?

There are probably many 100, 000 of high functioning autistic people in this world that don't feel the need for a diagnostic...because they are functioning. We all have our difficulties in life, because life is difficult. It is difficult for different reasons for different people. It doesn't make any of us special or deserving of recognition. The key word is Functioning!

I don't see it the way you do at all. Of course plenty of people with autism navigate life far more easily. But this is a programme about the people who find life far more challenging

@Themumsonthebus exactly, maybe you watched more then one episode to have that rounded view?