To be so angry after watching "Love on the Spectrum"

[Jobs4kids]

As the parent of two high functioning young adults. Admittedly I only watched one episode (no wish to watch anymore) but was dismayed to see that all the autistic people featured were infantised and presumably picked for their entertainment value (awwww bless them). I actually watched it after overhearing a colleague say how funny it was.

I feel it's representative of just one type of autistic person - those that come across as frankly odd (for want of a better word), obviously autistic with terrible social skills, and who in many cases can't live independently/attend mainstream education. It's an extremely wide spectrum and many people with ASD, such as my kids, don't come across like that all! My son, while quite quiet, has an excellent job and interacts in public very normally (can be a bit quirky behind closed doors though!) My daughter is away at uni and comes across as very outgoing and socially able with a large circle of friends, including a few who are also high functioning ASD. Many of her newer friends don't know she's autistic (only brings it up if relevant to the conversation) and she says most she's told seem surprised, although one remarked "ah that's why you're so good at chess!". That's not to say being autistic doesn't cause her a lot of difficulty - she's an expert masker, which is why she wasn't diagnosed until nearly 18, and there are times she needs to go into hibernation as her social battery gets depleted as all the acting "normal" is incredibly exhausting. She also constantly worries about how she comes across, replaying interactions in her head and is prone to depression, anxiety and self harming (has started counselling to help manage all this). She can also meltdown in private. While she's not had a serious relationship as yet, she's had a lot of interest (no surprise, she's extremely attractive) and I worry some may be put off upon finding out she's autistic, especially after watching programmes like this!

I think it's a shame they don't also include people like my kids and some of their friends in the programme to demonstrate the vastness of the spectrum or it because they would make very boring TV as you couldn't laugh at them?!

Sorry for the rant but both my husband and myself were so cross after watching this and pray my kids don't see it!

You sound almost proud of your children’s ability to pass as nuro typical , Your shame that your children may be categorised like those in the program comes across strongly . You mention your daughters attractiveness…relevant how ? You need some therapy . My daughter is also autistic , in mainstream education . So from one parent to another catch yourself on you sound bigoted .

And this just confirms autism is way over diagnosed.

My dd objects to most portrayals of people with asd. She is middling on the spectrum if that makes sense, eg she had a diagnosis of Austin’s aged 2 when Asperger’s etc was still diagnosed and her complaint partly is you don’t see people portrayed like her, they are either violent, extreme learning disability and typically male, often a criminal or very high functioning to the point where you can’t really understand how they got a diagnosis (her words not mine). She is actually very capable but she cannot mask as so many describe here, she still thinks the show is exploitation though, she also says that it’s trying to project a lifestyle onto people for our entertainment which is wrong, how can they truly consent to the show?

I haven’t watched this programme but generally, people who are picked to go on these shows, in fact, all tv, are chosen because they are expected to be entertaining, interesting, engaging.

People with autism are the same as every other person: they come in all shapes and sizes and walks of life and are individuals. The people on this programme aren’t less than or not worth watching because they aren’t exactly the same as your children who are autistic.

You need to watch the whole series then comment.

Echoing others, I've found the show very heartwarming and not patronising or a "freak show" presentation of autism. It shows that even if autistic people struggle with communication and relationships, they still have that deep human desire to love and be loved.

The times I've laughed at the show is because there are a couple of participants with an absolutely wicked sense of humour and they have made jokes that I really enjoyed. I have cried at the show e.g. when one participant proposed to another, I found it so incredibly moving (as I would with a neurotypical proposal, so not in a patronising way, just seeing someone experience such a life changing beautiful event!).

Since autism is a spectrum, of course there are high functioning autistic adults that mask to present as neurotypical, and who would struggle with relationships more than a neurotypical person - if you think about it, that would just look like your average dating show! The mask comes off at home and in private moments and I'd question the ethics of following that person to capture their "autistic" moments (for want of a better phrase) since those moments are more likely to be meltdowns and similar situations a participant would find more stressful to have a whole film crew witnessing.

My 'high functioning' children would absolutely not want to appear on a program that analyses or dissects how their autism affects dating and romantic relationships, being on show for all the world to watch. I haven't seen the show but I hope the participants were happy to be on it and able to consent.

I don't understand why they can't include some higher functioning people who while may initially be able to get dates but struggle further down the line when the differences & struggles become more evident as they progress into a relationship

Who on earth would want that aspect to be publicly viewed. If you are having difficulties with your spouse/partner, do you want that filmed and broadcast? If do, you are a bit odd. It doesn’t seem to bother Katie Price and some others, but most people would not be keen.

Do you think your children are unable to consent to being part of a TV show? Or that they shouldn’t be allowed on reality TV because they are autistic?

I have mixed feelings about the show, but a lot of the previous stars are now content creators on social media and seem happy enough with the platform they’ve been given and competent enough to have made the decision to be on a Netflix dating show with all the pros and cons associated with that, and I don’t think I (or you) should be the person who decides what neurodiverse people can and can’t sign up to do.

I love Love on the Spectrum. I’ve got ASD and on the outside I might look like your daughter. I’m masking really really hard to achieve that. I relate so much more to the women on the programme (Dani or Kaelynn who was on an earlier series and speaks a lot on Instagram about her positive experiences filming the show) as they represent an unmasked version of myself. Seeing that on TV makes it more socially acceptable to be myself and makes me feel more represented.

I watch with my NT DH and we find it hilarious because it’s the only thing we watch where I can predict/understand the casts motives. I see sensitivity in moments that DH thinks are awkward or I can tell things are going badly when he thinks it looks good. It’s incredible for me- in every other TV show I am repeatedly baffled by the actions of the characters and find it amazing that DH can guess what will happen next. On this show it’s my turn! It was actually amazing for me to learn that I could predict/understand social signals when the other people are autistic.

It’s also great to show a wide selection of autistic people on TV and shows that these people live interesting and fulfilling lives with family and friends who love them- this challenges stereotypes. The cast have regularly spoken out and said how great the filming process and opportunity has been for them.

A lot of ASD people do find this show and others verge on exploitative. It's not for anybody else to shout that down despite many trying to. People with autism have as much a range of opinions as any other group of people. I have read some also saying The Assembly has veered a bit from genuine heart-warming awareness-raising to being a bit exploitative and using learning disabilities as a hook for a laugh.

If people with autism feel it's exploitative then that's important to listen to, not just justify it by patting them on the head and saying well at least they're on telly.

I get it. I don’t think op is saying she doesn’t want her kids lumped in with these people, but rather it’s not representative. I am an autistic woman who is fantastic at masking and in my twenties my love life was a disaster because all the weirdness and inability to read people came out later and it was a heartbreaking mess.

@UnbeatenMumso high functioning autistic young people wouldn’t want to be on show but it’s ok for these young people who maybe can’t perceive how they are going to be treated by the general public. There’s something very exploitative in that!

I don't understand why they can't include some higher functioning people who while may initially be able to get dates but struggle further down the line when the differences & struggles become more evident as they progress into a relationship.

Just wondering if anyone on the thread has watched any of the other dating reality shows (there seem to be several) and can comment on whether or not any of the participants on these shows has discussed their own autism and how it affects their dating?

It would be utterly unsurprising if there were some people with autism on some of these shows. Certainly there would be no policy of excluding them -- I haven't heard that any of these shows are 'for neurotypical people only'.

I wouldn't go to any of these shows for relationship advice, though. I suspect that the OP's children, like all of us, will just have to muddle through the intense pain and difficulty of navigating relationships without the support of reality TV

"I get it. I don’t think op is saying she doesn’t want her kids lumped in with these people"

She made disparaging remarks about the people featured on the show.

My first thoughts too

So you want to see intrusive coverage of a committed relationship (as opposed to early dating) in a documentary format. We could argue separately about the ethics of the existing format but can you even begin to conceive of the ethical issues of what you are asking for? It's fine to want to see representation but this is why fictional drama is a thing. It's bizarre that you would want to see documentary coverage.

YABU for thinking that a TV program of this type would be made about "normal" presenting people with autism. Then it would be about ordinary people dating.

They literally select people who will come across as a bit odd for this kind of TV and always have done. They arent made as educational documentaries about the conditions they feature, they are a specific type of "entertainment" which relies on extremes of behavior to pull an audience.

The wider trend is autism advocacy is that the highest functioning people, who are often best able to advocate for themselves, tend to command all the attention at the expense of the lower functioning people.

I haven't seen the show but if it's corrected that imbalance a little that's probably no bad thing.

I am autistic. I haven't watched the current series, but felt really uncomfortable watching the original one. It does feel exploitative and I'm not sure that the participants can fully understand the exposure the show brings to their private lives. I can't help but worry about their vulnerability to such public scrutiny.

I agree that is a dreadful programme, not really educational in any way, which would be an excuse to show it. It makes me cringe.

They all mostly actually all thrived off it, check out their social media.
connor is doing big things, so is Abbie, David, and the sweet couple who recently got engaged.

Makes me uncomfortable that people don’t think it’s a good representation of autism, autism is a spectrum. It would be boring if they showed the higher end of the spectrum.. that said James is of very high intelligence just because he acts “oddly” doesn’t make it a freak show. Some of these comments just make it obvious people don’t understand about autism.

I completely disagree that it is taking the Mickey out of the participants. I have watched all the series and think it is an amazing and touching portrayal of these people’s lives. Their parents are amazing with them, they have lovely lives and are supported in everything they do. Some of them have actually found romance thanks to this show and I never once thought it was exploitative. I have shed many a tear watching this show!

Mum is probably ASD too. It comes from somewhere and straight talking like this is not unusual and gets judged by neuro-normative people as rude .

(ADHD/ASD here .. also with neurodivergent kids who are fully functioning, quirky/odd but not those weird ones off the telly. One is in a long term relationship- the other isn't.)

The OP's use of the term 'high functioning' is a really good indication of her lack of understanding.

It's not 'high functioning' OP, it's 'high masking'. You're welcome.