AIBU to feel hurt by my daughter’s slow replies to messages

[GoldenGran]

My Daughter and her fella have two kids. Nearly 3 and 6 months.

I will text her or she’ll text me sometimes it’ll take nearly a day for her to get back to me.

I know she’s busy with the children but a reply literally takes seconds. She can be dismissive towards me. She knows my bedtime is 9 and she often replies around that time. I think it’s because she knows I’m going to bed.

She is quick enough to phone when she wants something!

My husband doesn’t get why I’m annoyed by this! It’s rude isn’t it?

Not read the whole thread, interested to know if you have a son and if you hold him to these same standards??

I also agree with the posters saying that we are all FAR too accessible these days. You can message someone and get a response within a few seconds - if they see it quickly and are able to respond straight away. This has made some people expect a message back INSTANTLY. Mobile phones/smartphones have a lot to answer for!!

My son is like this.. he often turns his phone off!

OP, I get it. When you say your DD is quick to phone when she wants something it shows that her way of getting your attention -where you have to respond - is by phoning. Why don’t you call her instead of texting?

OP has another daughter - she said that in her second post at 8.04.

I did ask if she is the same with her, but she hasn't responded yet! 😬

#IronyAlert

.

So she’s not stuck to her phone all day and is presumably attending her very very young children. Yeah YABU.

My bank does similar I have been putting £12.50 week in it a pot for my emergency fund and it stands at around £262.50 atm.

I do buy things well ahead which helps, for example my daughters current coat was bought at next in the sale THREE YEARS ago hahaha. I bought her coat for september in the recent next sale too.

Yes that is true around birthdays. I am fortunate I still have our merlin passes and we live close to the theme parks and london attractions so that helps. I am just being mkre savvy - for example I had a night out recently to watch Mamma Mia (which I saved for and took overtime when I could) and I just used day tickets for £30 which meant I had enough for cheap bite and my train with the odd spoons drink/greene king (as i get a discount)... it had been an adjustment but I have made it work so far and I have learned a lot!

Unless it’s actually urgent, I think we should all be better at not expecting people to be constantly and immediately available on their phones.

my husband is like this - not chronically online and I think that’s great. I try to find parts of the day when I don’t have my phone on me - walking the dog etc. much better for my mental health when I do this.

Nothing worse than a contact needy mother, your not your daughters priority at the moment nor should you be. Get a grip.

I can understand that she is busy and has limited time to reply.
However is the real problem that she expects you to be instantly available whenever she needs you?
I have an adult DD and if I don’t hear from her for a few days I know she is out having a good time. But the moment she has any kind of problem in her life she’s on the phone to me and expects me to be there sorting it out. I sometimes feel like her emotional support assistant or should be waiting in the cupboard ready to take her calls.

Your post is very selfish.
She has two very young children. Life is likely hectic for her.
I try use my phone as little as possible when my kids are home. Many parents do.
At the end of the day I'll often have 12 messages to open and reply to, it's time consuming.

Oops wrong post!

nearly a day

So fucking what? She doesn't have to be at your beck and call 24/7. Why on earth do you think she should reply to you immediately if it's not convenient for her? Has it occurred to you that she probably isn't glued to her phone when she's with her kids, and has other things to do?

You sound like extremely hard work and very entitled.

Also, if you go to bed at 9pm, that's your problem, not hers. By the time she's put her kids to bed, had dinner, had a chat with her partner about their day etc, it's going to be around that time when she finally gets to devote her attention to anything else. It's not her fault you go to bed when the day's still in single figures.

Nobody is entitled to immediate attention whenever they want it.

GoldenGran? More like AbsolutePainInTheArseGran.

So you 'managed your time' around daily, constant demands for attention from another adult who didn't live you, and prioritised that over your children?

If that's the case, I think your daughter is the better parent.

My mother wants a prompt response to nothing that is desperately important, she doesn’t get one. She gets a reply in my time, be that 1 hour, 1 day or 2 days.

I’m managing my time. She has all the time in the world, I don’t and prioritise what’s important. Her wall of text about an annoying neighbour, what they’ve done in the garden or bought at whatever shop, isn’t high on the list.

Asking how are you takes very little time or thought. Any reply, other than OK, takes a bit of thought. If you are talking to somebody it's rude to be texting someone else. Just because somebody is actively on their phone, doesn't mean they can immediately answer every text/email they receive.

Wow. Have you ever thought about whether or not your attitude has something to do with it?

texting late at night when you have young kids is perfectly normal to be honest, I find myself putting things off until the kiddo is in bed. Never mind YOU finding it rude, it's rude to your kids and your husband to be constantly on your phone while you are with them IMO.

So if it is a quick question with a quick answer then I would reply quickly, but if it is a 'how are you' sort of thing, or you KNOW the person is going to immediately keep following up anything you send back, then it would need to wait until you have more time.

What sort of thing are you texting her?

'I managed my time' is so passive aggressive and judgemental and also a little bit self absorbed so I'm guessing these things are contributing.

You're so out of order.
she has young kids, managing her time - though according to your inference she's doing that badly too. No wonder she doesn't prioritise you - and that's right, she should prioritise her kids.

Has it occurred to you that you going to bed at 9pm isn't her problem? She has 2 kids to manage at bed time and god forbid she should want to spend some time with her partner, eat some food, or tidy up after a busy time with kids.

Yeah - you're entitled and ABU.
I suggest you change your attitude unless you want your relationship with her to deteriorate.

I can see why she isn’t in a hurry lol

Not everyone is welded to their phone though! At the moment I don't know where my phone is, it'll be in a pocket, bag, whatever.