AIBU to think i'm being profiled by security in shops

[whyamisus]

am 24 but i get told sometimes that i look younger. i've read cases where black people got followed around by security in shops but i'm not black i'm white.. never stolen anything in my life. i can walk around different aisles and there will be the same member of staff stocking shelves. when i pay cash i get cashiers putting the note up to the light to check if it's real and thats never happened with my friend. thats happened multiple times. ill ask a member of staff where something is because im having trouble finding it and they'll side eye me and they talk to me in a way its like theyre scared of me. ive also had cashiers give me dirty looks when i approach the till or get asked to wait while someone else gets to the till.

im a woman and i dress normally, i am a tom boy and sometimes ive been asked if im a guy or a girl but i'm petite so im not big and tall or anything. my friend hasnt experienced this and shops in the same places so im wondering what the deal is. has anyone else had similar experiences?

DH had it a lot when young adult and also got stopped for surveys a lot happened all over the counrty - we traveled and moved a lot. It sort of stopped for him post kids.

It started for me being out with multiple young kids - and I was using trolley and baskets as normal. It slowly stopped as kids got older.

Having been behind a till myself checking the notes isn't that odd - sometimes you pick up something off with a note and sometimes it's a random check and all £50 were suss as there were so many fakes.

They also randomly rescan someone's items, just to check and to deter the people deliberately not scanning items, etc. But putting items in your own bag or in a push chair or buggy is a big no no really, and is just asking to get stopped.

We have to get every £50 note double checked but even smaller notes some just feel a bit weird so need extra checking. There are a lot of fakes floating about

Do you wear a horizontal striped jumper and carry a sack?

I remember when the bags for life started becoming a thing. I used to carry one with my shopping from different shops in. Got followed all the time because they assumed I was shoplifting. Went in one shop lidl and a short very aggressive red faced security guard was very obviously following me , staring at me right in the eyes and being very intimidating. It was that bad I wouldn't have been shocked if he hit me. I phoned the customer services as it unsettled me . They apologised ,said they'd contact the shop and speak to him . There policy was to try to dissuade shoplifting but going into a shop with an open shopping bag (bag for life) would arouse suspicion. Why sell them if they marked innocent customers as potential shop lifters?

It sounds like you might be a bit self-conscious, op, as am I. I know for a fact that on days when I’m feeling more confident and ‘happy in my skin’ for want of a better phrase, the reactions I get from other people are different than on the days when I feel everyone will be looking at me because I’m having a bad hair day or whatever. I think people do react to the vibes you give off, and if you’re not feeling very good about yourself, and think people might be looking at you, you probably will attract attention. It’s almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy. People are very perceptive about body language etc.

I’m always followed by security too. I’m a wheelchair user. I think they profile wheelchair users as probable shoplifters because they assume we are on benefits and that we have space to conceal items easily.
I guess I have got used to it because it doesn’t annoy me as much as it used to.

Your saying you're a tomboy makes me wonder about your dress. Baggy clothing, for instance, and hoodies and caps are frequently worn by shoplifters so would probably bring you more attention.

In short - it's perfectly possible you're being profiled. It would be impossible for us to know if so, though.

I get followed fairly regularly in our local big supermarket. Like you, OP, I'm a white female, not very tall, look a lot younger than I am, I've never stolen anything, and I don't always wear stereotypically feminine colours/clothes. I often go to that supermarket and recognise the regular staff there. Being followed is worse when I am anxious, so I must give off a suspicious look or something, when actually, I just want to rush around, get my things, checkout and go home!

I try not to mind, as I know that I'm not planning on stealing, and they are only doing their job. Sometimes I end up chatting with them, which breaks the ice a bit.

Yeah you might have a doppelganger. I was fairly recently "profiled" while shopping in a supermarket in a new town. Possibly because I didn't know where anything was so kept going down the wrong aisles and faffing. I was wearing a tracksuit too.

Ironically the reason I was in the town for a few weeks was because I was prosecuting a theft trial...

That's a really big 'red flag' for shoplifting unfortunately and is one of the top methods of concealment.

It definitely won't be because they are profiling you. It will be because they follow that process for everyone 'concealing' items in a push chair. It is part of the training, it's also good customer service if someone physically can't manage to hold a basket then they usually appreciate having a till opened or someone to help at self scan. We often help customers at self scan eg if they have a toddler having a tantrum, look a bit stressed etc that's customer service rather than 'red flags'

If you approach a member of staff or security guard when you go in & say 'look I really struggle to hold a basket with the pram, would it be okay if I put the items underneath' they will probably be fine.

You could avoid shopping there (but why should you!) or... Confront them & sort it out...

Sure, but that doesn't stop it being a notorious shoplifting method, meaning you were of obvious interest to shop security.

I often pick up a pot of face cream or toothpaste or something downstairs in Boots, and carry it upstairs with me to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy counter, so I can pay there for both together. I've more than once seen security clock that and speak to someone upstairs, presumably to check I'm not pocketing the item on the escalator. I don't think I'm being 'profiled', I'm doing something which could be shoplifting. In my case it isn't, but the security guards don't know that.

How else would you carry your things? I used to live next door to an Aldi, during Covid on maternity leave a walk to the shop whilst baby slept was the only thing I was allowed to do. I wasn’t going to drive 50 yards and you can’t push a trolley and a heavy pram at the same time nor carry a basket. I had a big empty basket under the pram, of course I was going to use it. How is it any different to people putting things straight into their shopping bags in a trolley?

I feel like this when I go into certain M&S stores I am always profiled for perceived younger age and race I think. It doesn’t matter whether I’m dressed up on a lunch break or in sweats on a Sunday with my child certain security staff seem to be always watching

I am profiled and I don’t know why either. They are honestly wasting time on me as I’ve never stolen anything in my life and I don’t intend to start stealing. I stopped going to my local Asda as nearly every time my trolley is flagged up and checked. No bleepers going off. I am watched and followed. The last time I went i informed them they stopped the wrong person. Her trolley was stopped and found to have unscanned items. Nothing stolen in my trolley. He looked embarrassed. I travel further and have no issues with Tesco.

Are you carrying a rucksack?

I had a long period of time where security in shops would always be looking at me and it finally occurred to me that was why! I used a proper hefty one with lots of straps not a little fashion one - because we don’t have a car and I was carrying shopping for 30 minute walk each way and doing my shoulder in, so I was trying to be practical.

Now I’ve switched to online shopping weekly and wear a cross body bag out and about, it never happens anymore.

Blame the shoplifters that do this - if no one did it then they wouldn’t have been watching you.

no one can make you feel anything, you created the feeling. You could flip it and say I was reassured by how vigilant that shop was that they take shoplifting seriously.

My husband had an on paper doppelgänger, same name and date of birth. He got stopped and questioned at uk customs , it was funny, when I saw it happening I’d go ahead and get the bags as I knew he’d be a while. This other chap always had warrants out for him. We (he) also got detained at Miami airport then when we were allowed to walk through where all the agents were , the one assigned to him looked, guffawed and waved him through.

New York we couldn’t check him in online , that was a bit panicky as he thought he’d not be able to fly. He’d been chosen for an extra security check, had to wait before getting on the plane and his bag, shoes hands were swabbed. It was very exciting - rest of the passengers were rubber necking as you would do.

People putting stuff into their shopping bags as they go are effectively checking out each item as they scan and pack them, so there’s a record of everything they’ve taken. Their Clubcard or equivalent, which they’ve scanned to be able to take the hand scanner, identifies them. So the store knows who they are and what they’ve packed. They might still get stopped for random checking, though.

Shoving everything into a basket under a sleeping baby at ground level where it can’t be seen by the cashier is entirely different. It’s one of the most common ways to shoplift. You need to find a way to make it work with a basket. Aldi has those wheeled baskets with a long handle - you could grab that with one hand and the pram handle with the other.

Or accept that you might be seen as suspect.

I’m disabled but thanks for telling me how I should handle myself in a supermarket. Nice to see ableism is alive and well

You didn’t mention that you were disabled in a way which affects your ability to access a supermarket, so how could I know?

Managing a heavy pram on its own is surely a big enough issue if you have problems with grip or mobility. Getting up and down to the basket underneath with groceries, twice in a trip, must be as big an issue as managing a basket or trolley as well.

I have a form of arthritis and used to struggle with a regular shopping trolley at my worst. I have had my groceries delivered for years; a delivery pass is very good value if you have a weekly shop.

Hidden disabilities. They’re as hidden in real life as they are on here. You wouldn’t have known if you saw me in real life as you wouldn’t know on here.
I do now get food delivered as the closest supermarket is 9 miles away but living next door to one in Covid 6 years ago, it was the only reason to leave the house. I just got 5-10 items each day in the bottom of the pram, also meant no sterilising trolley handles. No one questioned it, never an issue. If security did ask I would have explained. I’d do it again if I had to.

No you’re probably being a bit paranoid.
If you’re not doing anything wrong, no need to worry.