AIBU to refuse a friend £4k without knowing what it is for?

[rainershine22]

My friend asked me to borrow a large sum of money. (£4k).

He wouldn't say what it is for, but claimed he can't get help anywhere else (such as banks/loans etc...) which is obviously already a red flag.

I asked if everything was ok in his life and what was going on... but he didn't want to divulge too much and was just said he had 'cashflow issues'. I know his two children and he alluded to it being something related to them - but not much more...?!

I declined to give him anything/said no - but he's messaged again today AM asking me to reconsider. He clearly sounds desperate, but AIBU in still saying no?

I wouldn’t lend money to anyone ever, the reason is irrelevant.

No way.
If the bank wont lend it he's clearly high risk.

I assume its because he's been turned down already by a bank and OP has a good credit rating and will easily be able to borrow it.

NOOOOO!!!!

£4K is a lot of money to lend someone and you should not feel obligated even if you know whey he wants it and it's "a good reason". If the reason is important to you then consider whether this friend is likely to ask were it not important or simply tell them £4K is a lot of money and you will not lend it without knowing why they need it.

I would also only give it if you are prepared to not get it back as you may not get it back.

Never loan what you would not give …

YANBU.

He has been refused by banks/others because thy have assessed hehas a high risk of not being able to pay his debt back. If Barclays Bank is unwilling to take on that risk, why the hell should you??!

Hard no.

This

If I was a multi millionaire I would but otherwise no. He's unlikely to be able to pay it back.

It’s a simple, sorry i haven’t got any money.
Don’t cave in.

If you can afford it you could, but I'd suggest setting up an agreement for payments to be paid back in installments. Im sure there's legal documents online. Simply handing out 4grand is a huge step both financially and emotionally as it could end your friendship.

…and the worst type of people in my book are those that can’t take no for an answer.

Pressurising you really is out of order.

This is exactly what I think. You have to be prepared never to see the money again. Anything else is a bonus. Speaking from experience unfortunately.

If you lend this money, which I would strongly advise you against doing, then you'll never see a penny of it again.

Tell him to jog on, you don't have any money to spare for yourself, he'll soon move on to bother someone else. I smell trouble all over this if you do lend it, bank said no, so should you.

Only give money like tjat to someone ifbyou don't want it back and don't need it.

Otherwise absolutely not, especially not for someone who thinks it is reasonable to ask without explaining for what.

With respect, are you really that naive??

She would never see a penny of it again.

Many thanks for all your responses. He has continued to call this AM - which I didn't answer. I said 'no' again. He called again after that. I ignored it.

His pestering shows you were right to say no.

Any decent friend would have respected your first no.

I think that poster is saying if you absolutely must do this, at least have the necessary protections place.

Unfortunately there are people who do lend big sums of money without having it in writing 🙁

Well done for ignoring him. If it's that urgent then the need for it will be over soon.

OP, if you pay this time, there'll be more calls in the future.

Keep on saying no. The problem is not yours to solve.

The friendship is probably over. But that's not your fault.

I would tell him to stop asking as he is now harrassing you. Then I would block him.

Is this really completely out of the blue? How long have you known him and how often does he ask for money?

He does seem desperate, which isn't your problem to solve, but I would be worried for him.

@rainershine22
Absolutely not!
It’s not even so much about whether you can afford to lose it, or give it as a gift, it’s the fact that he’s not willing to tell you the truth about the situation.
It’s presumably something he is embarrassed about, either caused by him, or maybe a family member. He can’t face talking to you about it, and more likely than not, if he’s asking on behalf of another person, will only be aware of an edited view of the situation, so won’t know the full story himself.