To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

[Aquadream]

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

He did a bit more than just watch a stripper.

You do you but my bar is higher for my men.

You might want to get full STI testing, use barrier precautions, and ask your health care provider about going on PREP, pre exposure prophylaxis before that dinner.

Middle Ages, dear, not middle aged.

They'd be more into the pikes and skewering.

I think we are wasting our time. The wedding is what this lady wants and if she can live with it all , so be it, but it will happen again vat some other mate of his stag do.

Because ‘boys will be boys right’? What’s one or two vaginas in your face when you’re about to marry 🤷🏻‍♀️

The internalised misogyny is strong with this one.

This! And not just the people that were there that night, all their partners and anyone else those videos have been shared with.

I mean, his behaviour is despicable, it’s cheating plain and simple. But the idea that all those people will be sniggering and throwing their eyes to heaven at my wedding would be another reason for me not to go through with it. OP will be a laughing stock.

I must admit this part made me cringe as it's showing him women can be paid for. Which seems very inappropriate given the cause of the argument

Or when he cheats because he just couldn't help it or say no.

OP, what happens when it’s another mate’s stag do? Is he going to pop along to that one?

are you happy for history to repeat itself ? I will put money on it there won’t be any cameras next time….

@Aquadream , what lesson is it you think he has learnt?

And what have you learnt?

I have learnt that your fiancé and his friends believe it is absolutely fine to pay for sexual entertainment by women (who may or may not have been trafficked), including having physical contact with their naked breasts and vaginas. Whilst 'a mate' films them, then sends copies out on a wider group chat.

I have learnt that, whilst initially and understandably feeling distraught, betrayed, and humiliated, you have now decided that it's actually fine as long as you are financially compensated for those feelings with a meal at "a very fancy restaurant".

I have learnt that the bar for decent, reasonable, acceptable behaviour by men in 2026 is just as low as it's ever been.
After decades of feminism and 'female empowerment'.
That's pretty fucking depressing.
Maybe I should take myself out for a fancy meal to get over it...

I thought this too.

I agree

How do you ever learn to respect someone who has publicly had his mouth on two naked sex workers' vulvas in the run up to his wedding?

The bar is so low you couldn't squeeze a piece of paper between it and the floor.

I’m sure the wedding will be amazing. It’s just the actual marriage you need to worry about. Good luck.

The OP had decided to stay with her Fiancé & that is entirely her decision.

The majority of the posts on here since she has said that are absolutely viscous & disgusting to read .
To all those incredibly idiotic women on here who keep repeatedly stating OPS fiancé performed oral sex on strippers .
HE FUCKING DIDN’T
GET A GRIP AND LEAVE HER ALONE !!

You could have a right laugh with this op by hiding a ribbon in your mouth when it comes to the "you may now kiss the bride" bit.

Good luck OP - you’ll need it marrying a weak, spineless man with no morals, awful views of women and little control over his actions. And he knows he will get away with this behaviour again.

Asked. 90% of the advice was one way. Went contrary to the advice. Well that was a waste of time.

This marriage may still suit you but I think you need to give him a genuine way out. He's already had a ton of drama and the embarrassment of a night at his parent's and you're not even married yet. He might have "deserved it" but he might not see it that way. Moreover your perception of him has changed forever. Does he really think a marriage to someone who no longer really likes or respects him to work? That's one for him to answer.

So I think you need to explain to him that things have changed and he can walk away from the marriage without any questuon, tears or drama. If he still wants to through with it at least he can't say he wasn't warned when the marriage becomes a road accident as it surely will.

If there's drama and he's sent to his parents house in the honeymoon stage it's going to be a bloody disaster after three years. Marrying someone when you have any misgivings at all is insane amd that goes for him as well as you. You should have walked away, he needs clear permission and the information to make the decision you should have made

Yeah, OP's euphemisms are the problem here, not her fiance putting his mouth on a stripper's vulva.

OP may be prudish but her fiance is either utterly pathetic for going along with the 'entertainment' organised by his stags if he really didn't want to do it or just plain disgusting to perform sex acts on other women and to try and gaslight OP into believing that he had no choice and no agency so was unable to refuse.

Well yes. Most likely there are zero women who will get off with them but there are hundreds who might and they only need one.

(Two)

Yeah absolutely not. You can do better.

A Chanel lambskin double flap would make me forgive but I wouldn’t marry……just yet.

Double flap sounds quite apt…