To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

[Aquadream]

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

All is forgiven for the sake of a fancy meal eh.

She won't. You can tell.

OP I've just seen the ribbon post, which I somehow missed.

Is he really such a catch that you want to spend your life with him?

Try to put the wedding out of your mind ...

Try to imagine having a fiance who didn't do all of this ...

How do you feel about marrying him when you do both those things?

The problem is you're marrying a man who thinks going on stag weekends to resorts where this kind of thing is common place is acceptable. His friends also think this is acceptable.

Therefore you're choosing to marry a tosser with no respect for women who has tossers for friends. Best of luck.

You might be right.

I was taken aback how the meal seemed to put it right. Not even a Michelin Starred triple chocolate dessert would be enough for me ...

What did his mother say when he admitted why he had to go back for the night ?

Did he show her the videos ?

....and here we see how inequity rules ...hoping it was just an OP having their fun in creative writing
Hurray for Zovirax

Oh god…that would completely give me the ick. Every time I kissed him I would be thinking how he’d just tasted another woman’s vagina by pulling something out of it. Ewwww

Oral sex can transmit several STIs, including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes (HSV-1/HSV-2), human papillomavirus (HPV), HIV, and hepatitis A, B, and C. Infections can be passed both when giving or receiving oral sex, often without symptoms. Risk is higher if there are cuts or sores in the mouth/genitals.
nhs.uk +3
As someone said fairly important to get an STD check

Next he'll be telling you the woman tripped and her fanny just happened to fall on his penis. What's a man to do?

This is grim.

I'm glad you've chosen to forgive and move on. Have a wonderful wedding and wishing you many happy years together.
It's a good lesson to you both. To survive a long relationship you'll both need to learn respect and forgiveness amongst many other things. You've done well on both today, I hope he's learnt a big dose of respect too. Keep learning together. Bravo, and good luck to you both.

Wow, that is so pathetic.
Get some standards

Well, at least you know exactly what you've chosen.

I hope you've both had full STI testing.

@Aquadream so setting yourselves up.for a future of him behaving like an ignorant tool and covering the hurt with a fancy meal. That really doesn't feel good.

You will have to live with your decision OP. It doesn't affect a single person here if you marry him or not.

I'd remain deeply concerned about a man who takes no personal responsibility and doesn't have the backbone to say no to his mates. He couldn't help it, none of it was his fault, he didn't have a choice. Weak.

Exactly. The meal ! Hello has the cheek of the devil !

It'll be a lovely story to tell the grandkids.

Giiiirrrrlll… what are you doing? What does this man need to do… he’s literally had his head in 2 women’s vaginas. He wasn’t forced into that, he could have not taken part in that behaviour but he chose to. And that’s only what was caught on camera… do you not think there is probably far worse that wasn’t recorded?

You’re marrying a misogynistic twat who will absolutely cheat on you.

Hope the dinner is worth the insane mistake to marry this man. Best of luck to you x

Look at all the vipers coming out now! Oh so supportive.

You all sound like a bunch of middle ages villagers with pitchforks.

Jesus, a stag has gone to a bar where a stripper was performing and got roped in by his mates. Give it a rest and leave OP alone ffs.

Ah right. You mean you've just capitulated and a fancy meal will make up for him having his face in a complete strangers fanny. Right you are then. Zero self respect clearly

Honestly, you lick one vagina and the angry mob descend!

What do you think you sound like. Apparently on here "middle aged" is an insult. Isn't it?

Unfortunately she has zero self esteem

Basically everyone who was there that night will be laughing at you when you walk up the aisle. They'll be smirking going there's that stupid idiot who knows he's had his face in someones vagina and she's still marrying him

Your future husband is a misogynist as is his pals.

What is her ‘middle’? Sounds like a scene from Aliens .
if he had done those things not in a crowded pub or bar but one on one in a bedroom or a back alley, would you still be appeased by a nice meal?
I understand peer pressure but I don’t think that as an adult , peer pressure should have as much sway.
it is a very specific type of person who’s into that sort of thing.
I have known events like this where the stag or hen has point blank refused and then someone else (probably the person who set it up) has taken their place and been ‘the show’.
just because these bars and pubs aren’t actually called strip clubs, it doesn’t mean that’s not what they are known for, hence them being full of other stag groups.
they are going there for some kind of sex related show, if it was just pubs or bars they could easily find a place where your partner doesn’t end up with a face full of clunge.
or ‘middle’.