To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

[Aquadream]

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

Wow ...

I wonder how many people would agree?

I'm older, so to me it's utterly repellent. But I know many younger people (late 20s, 30s and 40s), and none of them had stag/hen dos like this either.

Maybe it's more of a class thing - I know mainly middle class WASP types.
But I've mixed with wealthy and U/C people in another life, and they got up to high jinks too. Which I also found repellent.

🤔🤷‍♀️

Wow, you've had a lucky escape finding out before marriage.

I mean, he could have just not been in that bar the first place. They chose to go.. He could have said no to going on stage. The lack of accountability is pathetic.

I actually hadn’t seen where he took the ribbon out of the strippers panties when I posted the above .
I posted again when I saw that bit .

'Maybe it's more of a class thing'

Lol. Lmao, even. Yes, it's definitely the working class putting strippers through uni 🤣

To be fair, class will play a part here. Certain people know would go to Benidorm - others certainly wouldn’t.

@Aquadream you don’t say how old you, your DP & the rest of the stag party are?
Or if this kind of thing is at least known about in your circles? Eg have other male friends had stag do’s what went down on them? Has he been to any?

I mean did it not cross your mind that if he’s going abroad (presumably?) with a bunch of blokes on a “stag do” at least the possibility of some of this to varying degrees might be possible /par for the course etc?

Not saying it’s your fault btw! I’d be v uncomfortable with it as most of us are but depending who organised it & where they were & what level of incohesion he was in - I don’t think it should stop you getting married!

He could well have said No no strippers so whoever organised it went to the bar they did which sounds is catering to the tourist hen & stag market.

Still not ok - but not relationship ending surely?

The first video I wouldn’t be impressed with but I don’t think I’d cancel the wedding but the second video is another level and I’d definitely be contemplating stuff

Well personally it wouldn’t be my scene , male strippers hovering above me , shoving their cock in my face 🤮.
I just think it’s trashy entertainment, but then I’m 50 so maybe people will think I’m old fashioned, although when I was 30 , wouldn’t have been my thing either 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I'm not talking about strippers generally.
I'm talking about these types of stag and hen dos.

Yup. That changes things fairly dramatically. This obviously wasn't a one-off drunken night. Sorry OP. I'm ridiculously open-minded, but even I'd draw the line about him participating so willingly a second time. Kind of steps on the argument that he was probably uncomfortable and just went along with it, doesn't it?

Honestly this. I know for a fact I’m the one of the only wives that knows everything about the past couple of stag dos my husband has been on and same for him with the hen dos. We love a gossip with each other it just never goes beyond us because we know some of the other couples can’t handle it.

Exactly

Definitely not my thing either and I’m 34.

I've just googled that in Benidorm and really wish I hadn't

I'm in my 40s and in the middle class bracket. The stag and hen dos in my social circle have been cocktail making classes, theatre/ballet trips, gigs and a hiking weekend in the countryside. I don't know anyone, male or female, who has ever talked about going to strip clubs. On threads like this there are always people insisting it's completely normal, but it isn't for everyone. There are people who are not interested in or are even actively repelled by this kind of thing. It's not something I could ever forget or move past - someone who does this and whose friends do this wouldn't be someone I'd want to spend an afternoon with much less the rest of my life. If that's my age or my class or whatever, I really don't know, but it's how I would feel.

I’m middle class too. The circles DH and I mix with have done spas, cocktail making classes, salsa dancing classes, camping trips, paintballing, go karting, eacape rooms…

Since I read about the ribbon I've totally changed my opinion. I could never kiss him again.

I've just looked at it on X...

Yeah, would be devastated tbh to see my partner doing that.

Pretty grim.

No , & I’m a very open minded person when it comes to sex .

I’m separated nearly 11 years .
When my kids were younger , I wasn’t going introducing another man into their lives , so I remained single .
However, I always loved sex , I live in a small town, I wasn’t going to be hooking up with people from my local area so I went on Fabswingers for hook ups, always met nice , genuine men who just wanted fun too .
It was nights away , good company & Fun, NSA !.
So I’m not prudish by any means , but the Hens & Stag Do’s they speak of here would defo not be my scene .

I think you need to dump him and find a better group of friends if this is the kind of shit they think is acceptable.
I don’t know anyone who has had stag do’s or hen nights like that.
It’s always been things like cocktail making days, spa days, going to see live bands, fancy meals etc for the hens and the men tend to do axe throwing, paintball, archery, fancy meals, arcade days etc.
All fun and zero vaginas/penises in faces.

Yeah I do really think it's a certain type of person who goes on these things. So you basically need to match up, if you don't you're gonna feel miserable with this man.

Thing is his friends thought he’d be ok with it. And they know him. Sorry op - he’s clearly managed to show you his best side and now you know the full reality of his personality

If you were my daughter asking my advice OP, I'd tell you to dump the wanker. He's a cheap low life with an 'out of sight out of mind' attitude towards you which is NOT something you want to marry.

Imagine you sat at home with a baby when he goes away for a mate's stag do. It'll happen all over again and you'll be crying into a baby blanket.
💐

Agreed. Benidorm is notorious for more extreme (horrible) ‘entertainment’. OP, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this - and for the way you found out about it.

This is exactly the reason I avoid hen dos, I hate all this shit, both men and women. Each to their own OP and you have to made the decision for yourself of course, but I would find this completely unacceptable if this were my partner and like others have said, I would 100% class this as cheating.