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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel humiliated by my fiancé's stag do video?

760 replies

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 20:52

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

OP posts:
Bilboben · 21/04/2026 18:44

Cancel the wedding.

BoldRobin · 21/04/2026 18:46

Bloody hell it was a stag do and he probably absolutely hated the whole experience. I think you are blowing it well out of proportion.

Malinia · 21/04/2026 18:47

TheGoldenOwl · 20/04/2026 22:45

Having read your update OP , just take a step back....

...From the thread.

When this thread is buried on page 158 of AIBU and all the PPs in the mob who were chanting LTB have turned their attention to other things and can barely remember you, do you really want to be standing there with your relationship in tatters.

I'm just saying dont get carried away. I know a few men who had the usual stag dos of this type and they are living perfectly normal family lives/good husbands etc. this stag do does not undo all the reasons you wanted to marry him and suddenly turn him into an arsehole.

Edited

No he was already an arsehole. Good men don't do this

Beenwhereyouareagain · 21/04/2026 18:48

BeMintFatball · 20/04/2026 20:59

What did the other wife hope to achieve by showing you the video?

it does sound seedy but also something that was done to him. Same as other grooms-to-be.

An element of humiliation is a hazard of going on a stag do. Think your man needs better friends

Giving @Aquadream a taste of what happened on his stag do? Loyalty to another woman? A heads up?

It has hurt @Aquadream, but it probably wasn't done with that intention.

sweatyhotlady · 21/04/2026 18:49

I haven’t read all the messages but I once went naively to a “do” which wasn’t the stag do but I’d organised a stripper. I thought a stripper only stripped. I was wrong. It was the most cringey thing I’ve ever witnessed. This was a work colleague. He was very drunk and went along with everything. There was no penetration and it was very embarrassing for him. He wasn’t sober enough to decline anything. We left before it finished it was so uncomfortable. The wedding almost didn’t go ahead but more than 20 years later they are still married to my knowledge. The friends are the issue here, not your fiance BUT in their company again and alcohol who knows what could happen. I would say he deserves another chance but you need very strict boundaries in place for the future

ForeverTheOptomist · 21/04/2026 18:51

TheGoldenOwl · 20/04/2026 22:45

Having read your update OP , just take a step back....

...From the thread.

When this thread is buried on page 158 of AIBU and all the PPs in the mob who were chanting LTB have turned their attention to other things and can barely remember you, do you really want to be standing there with your relationship in tatters.

I'm just saying dont get carried away. I know a few men who had the usual stag dos of this type and they are living perfectly normal family lives/good husbands etc. this stag do does not undo all the reasons you wanted to marry him and suddenly turn him into an arsehole.

Edited

I agree with this wise old bird here.

You seem to indicate that what happened was massively out of character. Leave it there. Bloke are horrid when they get together, and especially when they're drinking. I am categorically not suggesting that what you saw was acceptable, but from what you've said, this seems to be something that was done to him, rather than something that was done for him.

Horrid.

SupermumKaty · 21/04/2026 18:56

I would probably be mad my self if my husband had done something like that before our wedding but you have to put it all into perspective.

  1. it is his stag do so their allowed some leniency
  2. he has been honest with you
  3. if that is something completely out of character for him
  4. That woman should never have done what she did that was way out of order and I can see how your fiancée could have been coerced. Whipping his bum is one thing but if someone sits on your face it’s not that easy to get them off especially if he’s drunk
if you take all of that into consideration hun and you speak to him about it I don’t think you have anything to worry about ignore everyone else you know your partner better than anyone good luck x
Twinmum0822 · 21/04/2026 18:57

Sorry that’s a nope from me. How on earth would he feel if this was the other way round? Gross.

croydon15 · 21/04/2026 19:06

sesquipedalian · 20/04/2026 22:30

OP, I really don’t think you have any need to feel humiliated - this was absolutely nothing to do with you: this was drunken men behaving badly on a stag do. The older I get, the more profoundly grateful I am that there were no such things as phones that could take videos when I was young - because the trouble is, at such an occasion, there will always be one who thinks it’s a lark to film it and send it to someone. I don’t think it was at all kind of your friend to send you the video - I’d delete it and forget about it. If this is totally out of character for your future DH, then move on.

This - unfortunately men do behave badly on stag do, but hopefully he is decent normally. Some girls behave badly on hen do as well.

thefourthbeatle · 21/04/2026 19:07

Darkladyofthesonnets · 20/04/2026 21:19

My husband would never have gone along with this. If he had, and I can't imagine he would have, I would have thought less of him. Are all his friends so sleazy? The other wife is trying to stir up drama but msy have inadvertently done you a favour. You don't just marry a man you marry into a lifestyle and I doubt this sort of lifestyle would suit me.

100% 🎯

You are involving yourself with an extremely sleazy social circle 🤢; one in which the behaviour that you describe is acceptable.

RUN 🏃‍♀️

Sunshineandrainmakesrainbows · 21/04/2026 19:14

Megifer · 21/04/2026 18:40

Like "i wouldnt be happy if you allowed another woman to waft her barely covered labia on or near your face, just thought i should make that explicitly clear" type thing?

Show quote history

No like if it was a no go for anything like mentioned or a strip club for example…

Jstarr7 · 21/04/2026 19:21

Aquadream · 20/04/2026 20:52

I am not sure what I’m hoping for from posting this..probably some reassurance that I’m not being over the top in feeling so humiliated.

DP returned from his abroad stag do yesterday (we get married later in the summer). A big group went and I know a few of the other partners really well.

One of my friends who is married to one of my DP’s best mates messaged me whilst they were still away to say it sounded mental and she’d had a few photos/videos through from her other half, sent with a drunken message in the early hours of the morning.

She sent me one of the videos which was basically my DP on a sort of podium with a barely dressed woman/dancer wearing a really skimpy sort of bondage outfit. It’s about 2 minutes long and she pulls his shorts down and starts using a whip on him. She then gets him to lie down and she lowers herself above his face.

This is all egged on to cheers and shouting from the group.

I’ve confronted him about it - he says he was pushed into it and had no choice. He also said it was not a strip club and was a normal bar which happened to have the woman on the podium. I have googled the place and it is not a strip club. But the whole resort seems so sleazy. He said they’d been drinking in the sun all day and he barely remembers it, but that was happening to’all the others stags too’.

I find it so so embarrassing all the other partners have probably seen this video too, as it was in the group chat and people would have sent stuff on like happened with my friend.

Thanks to anyone still reading. Am I wrong to have reacted like this?

Yes it is humiliating and you have a right to be upset. But he clearly had been drinking all day and had his hands tied up making it difficult to extract himself from the situation. He needs better friends but it all sounds like they all got carried away and got silly. This should not be a deal breaker in terms of the engagement/wedding. Wallow a bit then move on with your exciting wedding and future!

Foodieasfuck · 21/04/2026 19:25

Ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed.

Myli1 · 21/04/2026 19:26

pouletvous · 21/04/2026 18:18

It may be common but it’s not ok and women / YOU need to stop making the boys will be boys excuses for this unacceptable behaviour

Show quote history

I’m not saying I would be happy with it, nor do I wish to perpetuate the get-out clause of ‘boys will be boys’. What I am saying is that for me personally it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker and worth throwing away what we assume is an otherwise happy and healthy relationship. Also let us not pretend that this kind of thing is exclusively the preserve of men. I have seen some outrageous behaviour on hen parties, of course fuelled by alcohol and peer pressure, sometimes going much further with male strippers and squirty cream! To be clear I’m not ok with that either, but it certainly does happen.

Ibizamumof4 · 21/04/2026 19:27

Stag doos and hen doos I think other than actually properly cheating is almost turned a blind eye to, unless there’s any other red flags I think I would let it go but tell him it upset you

Dumpspirospero · 21/04/2026 19:27

That’s rotten, OP. I’m so sorry. Only you know if this is out of character for him. That’s what I’d focus on. I’d also be thinking forward to the day of wedding. You will be there in your wedding dress on this special day and everyone who was at the stag do will also be there. How will you feel? The video will undoubtedly have been shared. Their partners will have seen it. It will possibly be a talking point at the wedding. How do you cope with that? How do you rise above it? If you decide to go ahead with the wedding, you need some tactics to ensure the video doesn’t taint the day. I would be furious with the groom and absolutely livid with the best man. I’d expect him to change his best man if he was the one who orchestrated and paid for it. It is not the best start for your married life. You absolutely need to extract some promises and find a way of keeping your dignity if this video does the rounds in your friendship group. Good luck.

Doggymummar · 21/04/2026 19:29

My first fiance came back from his stag in Amsterdam with his penis covered in lipstick and I lov you written on his chest in red lipstick. He didn't make it back into the house ever. His parents said I was overreacting but I don't think I was. He said the same. peer pressur bollicks to that

Willyoujust · 21/04/2026 19:33

How old is your husband? Cos mine definitely would have done something like this 20 years ago (in his 20s) but wouldn’t dream of it now! It sounds like immature behaviour that a lot of young men get up to on stag dos.

Do you trust him?

I think some of these replies telling you to leave him are totally over the top to be honest.

CowTown · 21/04/2026 19:34

Ibizamumof4 · 21/04/2026 19:27

Stag doos and hen doos I think other than actually properly cheating is almost turned a blind eye to, unless there’s any other red flags I think I would let it go but tell him it upset you

Then those people need to partner up—the knob squirty cream lickers and the labia on the face crowd. Sounds like a perfect match.

IneedAniffler · 21/04/2026 19:37

Doggymummar · 21/04/2026 19:29

My first fiance came back from his stag in Amsterdam with his penis covered in lipstick and I lov you written on his chest in red lipstick. He didn't make it back into the house ever. His parents said I was overreacting but I don't think I was. He said the same. peer pressur bollicks to that

Legend

My husband is invited on a stag where the groom wanted to go to strip clubs
Most of them dont drink and would die of embarrassment and repulsion at a stripper so have either dropped out of the whole trip, or told the groom he is welcome to go in on his own whilst they go elsewhere and wait for him to have had his fun. There's plenty of other attractions in the place they're staying, live music, food markets, tours.
I think the groom is starting to feel a bit daft for suggesting it now at all and quite rightly so.

CowTown · 21/04/2026 19:39

Doggymummar · 21/04/2026 19:29

My first fiance came back from his stag in Amsterdam with his penis covered in lipstick and I lov you written on his chest in red lipstick. He didn't make it back into the house ever. His parents said I was overreacting but I don't think I was. He said the same. peer pressur bollicks to that

I want to be you when I grow up. 👏

His parents seriously knew all of the dirty details and said that YOU overreacted?!?!

usedtobeaylis · 21/04/2026 19:47

he says he was pushed into it and had no choice

That would put me off as much as his actions.

Hip2besquare · 21/04/2026 19:49

TheGoldenOwl · 20/04/2026 22:45

Having read your update OP , just take a step back....

...From the thread.

When this thread is buried on page 158 of AIBU and all the PPs in the mob who were chanting LTB have turned their attention to other things and can barely remember you, do you really want to be standing there with your relationship in tatters.

I'm just saying dont get carried away. I know a few men who had the usual stag dos of this type and they are living perfectly normal family lives/good husbands etc. this stag do does not undo all the reasons you wanted to marry him and suddenly turn him into an arsehole.

Edited

I know a guy who did the exact same thing on his stag weekend. She went ahead and married him but they divorced a year later due to his cheating.

B1anche · 21/04/2026 19:50

SupermumKaty · 21/04/2026 18:56

I would probably be mad my self if my husband had done something like that before our wedding but you have to put it all into perspective.

  1. it is his stag do so their allowed some leniency
  2. he has been honest with you
  3. if that is something completely out of character for him
  4. That woman should never have done what she did that was way out of order and I can see how your fiancée could have been coerced. Whipping his bum is one thing but if someone sits on your face it’s not that easy to get them off especially if he’s drunk
if you take all of that into consideration hun and you speak to him about it I don’t think you have anything to worry about ignore everyone else you know your partner better than anyone good luck x

it is his stag do so their allowed some leniency

Says who? Your husband? You might feel honoured to have a man like that as your husband but the rest of us have set a higher bar.

Didimum · 21/04/2026 19:51

Yeah. I wouldn’t marry someone like this. Sorry if that’s harsh, but no, I don’t accept this behaviour from anyone, let alone my partner in life.