Do you like being a parent?-honestly?

[Honeyandmarmitesandwichesfortea]

Start by saying, I love my Dd more than anything or anyone in the world. I waited years to have her and threw myself into being a mummy, I still do.
The early years were hard at points, but looking back were the best years of my life.
Recently, i’m finding it all too much and don’t enjoy being a parent at all. I find it stressful probably 80% of the time now. I miss my old life and the life Dh and I had, I know that sounds truly awful. I wouldn’t change things, because I wouldn’t be without Dd, but I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Was there an age/point where it becomes more enjoyable for anyone?
Dd is 7

The love is intense, immense, life changing - it certainly changed my life so much for the better. But the actual parenting - the moment by moment putting them first, dealing with mess, chaos, emotions on a second by second basis? No it's horrendous. And I don't understand how generations of humans have done it without killing themselves or eachother. Love is strong and attachment and loyalty to our own children is a life force.

It takes huge personal work to cope with this and the demands of a home, partner and career, let alone a social life.

I would do it again if given the choice but I would wish wish wish for a little more help in the early years to have got me through without breaking me completely!
It does get better but I so think you have to make it an active choice to enjoy parenting - decide to get more organised, be more chilled, care less about what other parents think, rest more, change your expectations of life as you know it right now, and that's when it gets easier

Yes I do but that’s because:

A) They are 8 and 12 so they are fun to be around and relatively dependent (in age appropriate ways) so I’m not on call 24/7.

B) I get lots of down time when they’re out with DH so again, having time to myself means I’m not always feeling stressed or overwhelmed by the parenting role.

Things might be different if I never had a break.

Yes. It is hard at times but I've got two humans who are my favourite people in the world and those moments of joy I get with them are worth all the hard bits - the nagging, the teen trouble, the mess... Find joy in the small moments. And I actually enjoy the teen years because I can relate to them a lot more. Hang in there.

Rather than thinking about the things you used to do and can't do now I find it helps to focus on the things you can do with kids that you wouldn't do if you didn't have them. We've done some amazing museums, ghost tours, magic science shows, theme parks, go ape, safari parks/zoos/aquariums etc whereas if it had been just dh and I we wouldn't have gone to those particular things. It's only a short time - give it a decade (at most) and you will probably be back to doing the type of things you were doing pre-children.

I will add - we take our kids to restaurants and always have done, not just family friendly chains (though we do love a pizza express). We used to live in France where no one bats an eye at seeing kids in nice restaurants. DH and I love eating out and trying new food so that's something we've always done that we haven't lost if that makes sense

So much depends on the personality of the child. Some parents have it much much harder than others. And that isn't their fault. Most people who absolutely love every minute have a relatively easy child. I have one of each, easier and much less easy and while I love them both absolutely equally, I don't much enjoy parenting one of them if i'm going to be honest, while I do enjoy it with the other one. I mean, it's just not fun to deal with relentless tantrums and crises.

I love my 4 of course and there’s lots of parenting bits I love but also lots I hate! They are 25,21,17 & 13. The eldest and the youngest were the hardest. It’s getting much easer now with them all being older and we have much more freedom but I’m kinda living for the youngest being older and Dh & I can start really doing our own thing. I can’t wait for that! Just heading off by ourselves. I feel like I’ve been parenting a long time!

I do. I found 0-4 ish hard and wasn’t a natural mum at that stage! I struggled with these little people being so reliant on me, I found that quite stifling.

But primary school onwards I’ve enjoyed it, and I’ve enjoyed it more the older they’ve got. Yes even into teens, even when they’re hormonal, I like the balance between them being able to sort themselves out for the mundane stuff, but still very much needing my guidance and teaching! I like their company.

I do have just the one and love it!

We're pretty sure we're sticking at one at this point, but we absolutely love the advantages.

It's easy to take turns to care, easy to get care for him. We can do fun things without thinking about the cost. With a 2:1 ratio we can relax a bit when out and about. And no siblings squabbles issues.

Also, he's only 2.5, but we're 37 and we really know we'd be rolling the dice on having complex needs with a second child, and in the grand scheme of things, our son is easy. Pretty compliant. Pretty independent. Caring, good at turn taking and sharing. We'd still love a child who wasn't, but honestly, why role the dice when we've got a great one!?

(Also I had HG, so I'd maybe spend 7m puking and not enjoying my cool little dude and wrecking my body and MH...)

I have a 7yo too. I can now for example leave him alone for 30 mins if I need to. And he can walk to a friend nearby independently. He partially sorts his social life as in friends come and ring the doorbell and they go play in the garden. That kind of thing makes life a whole lot easier already now. But in few years I can go to the gym whenever and leave him at home - that’s huge for me! So kind looking to the stage when both kids are 9-11, as will have a lot more freedom then.

But I get u OP. I feel like the burdens of parenting have cumulated by now and we’re getting tired of it all. And on the brink of having more freedom again, just not quite there yet.

I was going to say I like it a lot more than I thought I would (except for the witching hour) but mine are only 2.5 years old and 2 months and from the replies it sounds like the real slog might come later!

I loved it when they were babies, when they were children and also now that they are adults.

I think my favourite times were when they were under five and now.

I don't think I 'enjoyed' the first 17 years at all. It was just sheer bloody hard work. DS25 and DD20 are still at home, saving hard, and they are lovely adults. But those school years......it's like being in the trenches. Especially GCSEs during covid. Part of me wishes I had been brave enough to home school. I think I would have enjoyed parenting more.

In all honesty, no, I do not love being a parent. I love my children, I wouldn't want to not have them. But I do not enjoy being a parent. There have been some fun years between about 6 and 10, when they slept and had not yet reached the puberty stage, but as there is a 5 year gap between them, I have never had both in an easier stage at the same time. I look forward to them being fully independent and finally being able to be true to my own self again.

I enjoyed the baby stage and toddler times.
Even when I was a SAHM.
Never minded the rest but now I have a 18 and 12yr old and it's just stressful and unrewarding.
Cheeky,moody or just plain unresponsive is the usual setting for both most days.
Enjoy my dogs more 😂

Yes I do enjoy it. Also have one 7 year old daughter. She can be frustrating and contrary at times but is bright, sociable, funny. I have no interest in my 'old life' when I was in my 20s, it would've changed by now even if I didn't have any children. I don't actually find it restrictive in any way. I still work, go to the gym , we have a decent babysitter so can have evenings out if we want

I found the pre school years hard tbh, very boring. I was very lonely when she was a baby/toddler. Found it very hard to make friends. She was a dream but the routine of life at the time wasn't for me. Now she's at school and we have a good routine I enjoy it.

I will say she is very easygoing though. Has slept through since about three, hardly ever ill, loves a lie in on the weekend and on holiday, doesn't moan about much except wanting snacks.