Do you like being a parent?-honestly?

[Honeyandmarmitesandwichesfortea]

Start by saying, I love my Dd more than anything or anyone in the world. I waited years to have her and threw myself into being a mummy, I still do.
The early years were hard at points, but looking back were the best years of my life.
Recently, i’m finding it all too much and don’t enjoy being a parent at all. I find it stressful probably 80% of the time now. I miss my old life and the life Dh and I had, I know that sounds truly awful. I wouldn’t change things, because I wouldn’t be without Dd, but I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Was there an age/point where it becomes more enjoyable for anyone?
Dd is 7

I had my first at 16 and while it was hard I honestly dont know any different so I dont long for a life or free time that i didnt have anyway

I am mum to 42 year old twins. Life was hard for the first six months, they were very premature and never slept at the same time-or so it seemed. Better when they slept through the night at three and a half. They were busy and delightful toddlers and eager to be in primary school. No trouble in their teens. Friendly, outward looking and hardworking. We are still close as a family. They achieved highly academically and have excellent well paid careers.
Both have sons and I love being a grandparent.
Being a parent to adults is a minefield. I often feel I can’t be myself and express opinions as I would to other adults, even when my opinion is sought.
I have not yet reached the stage where they regard me as the child but I sense it won’t be long and, I think, that will be the hardest phase.

I do. I possibly have circumstances very much in my favour though, so it's hard to say how much those contribute.

I'm a single mum with a no-contact dad, but he is reliable and generous financially so we are well-supported, which means I only have myself and DD to focus on; no husband / partner complications to deal with.

I am also a full-time teacher so we have a clear structure and routine, and we have all the holidays off together, which is amazing.

I have incredibly supportive parents who live nearby and are heavily involved in my daughter's life.

I'm really lucky. I do get stressed sometimes when I feel I have just so much on my plate (both work-work and house/home-work) but on the whole ,I'm really grafeful and my DD (11) is amazing. I love having someone to focus on other than myself, too. Feels a lot more healthy for me than the inward-looking self-obsession of my twenties!

I think your DD being ND is a big factor in how enjoyable parenting is for you.

I have three teenagers, all NT and doing well, and a husband who is an engaged father who does his share of the parenting and household management. So I have it easier than most. I did not enjoy parenting babies (it was exhausting, repetitive, isolating and not very rewarding), but once they were toddlers it got more interesting (how can you not find language acquisition a fascinating process?) and I love parenting teenagers, they are such great company. In my experience it has got easier and easier as they get older and now I have two at 6th form and will miss them so much when they go to Uni - thankfully the eldest is going to be less than an hour away so should still be able to see her regularly. They are my favourite people in the world.

I think there’s been a big cognitive development – socially, more anxiety/fear of things, sense of fairness/justice, etc – but the ability to emotionally regulate these feelings and thoughts has not developed at the same pace. So there’s a new wave of tantrums and need of control, there’s cognitively higher arguments, again without the emotional regulation to handle when they don’t go their way.

8-9 is, apparently, a classic time for the first flush of hormones prior to puberty, so lots of big emotions, lots of big immaturity.

Twins experiencing this together also bring their own unique challenges.

7 should be a great age so I'm surprised you aren't enjoying it. I love being a parent, I couldn't imagine not being one. Yes it is tiring and lots to think about all the time but the rewards just outweigh the negatives 10 fold. The house is always far too quiet when the girls aren't here.

I semi seriously wonder how people cope with twins. People obviously do because twins exist 😅 but … how??

The 17 yo is a girl

My 12 yo is a boy and more tricky but it’s not because he’s a boy - he has ADHD and struggles at school, so I have to be more involved than I ever was with dd. And he has more friendship struggles.

But he’s lovely too!

I agree about secondary school, it's just not fit for purpose for so many kids. Mine enjoyed school but it was like the wild west, sink or swim - and they just about stayed afloat.

I also think the internet has a terrible influence.

Another row over dinner - I clearly didn't read the small print when I signed up for motherhood.

The early years are hard but I’m in my 60s now and I can’t imagine how my life would be without my DC and DGC. I didn’t want children in my 20s & early 30s but my D(ex)H persuaded me and I had my first at 35. I’ll forever be grateful that he changed my mind . I went through 8 years as a single mum and they were some of the best (& hardest) times of my life. I’ve lived my life worrying about & for my DC but they’re amazing and being their Mum is the best thing I’ve ever done

I think everyone likes some stages and finds others difficult. I found the children hard work and little reward when they were babies. Loved them fiercely but they were, to be honest, quite boring. I found 7 was great age, still cute but old enough to have good fun with. I’m enjoying the teenage years too (which I know is very unusual)

Mine are adults and I still.love being their mum. I've enjoyed every stage and love the relationships I have with them. I still sometimes wish I'd had more kids and really hope there will be some grandchildren in the next few years.

I adore my 3 DC - they are the best people in my world and I wouldn’t be without them.

I don’t enjoy parenting though. The drudgery and endless stuff to do is beyond exhausting and I feel like I can’t cope a lot of the time.

Mine is 3, obviously love them but parenting? No, I don't enjoy it. It's nothing like I thought it would be. Constant demands, mess, noise, inconvenience, being asked ridiculous questions, waking up early every single morning when I have a delayed circadian rhythm so I'm hardly getting any sleep every night, everything's a battle, my free time is now precious gold dust, some days I actually feel mentally tortured by my child.

It's exhausting, draining, irritating, repetitive, intensely painfully dull, overstimulating constantly, overwhelming, boring to the extreme. I have no hobbies, wear shit clothes and generally look shit, and I feel over stimulated and on edge all day every day. The responsibility is absolutely massive and overwhelming.

I loved reading your post , it made me hopeful , my youngest DD is five and has ASD. She’s a handful at the moment I’m tired of worrying about her . Its wonderful your son is doing so well . You sound like an amazing mom and great fun ❤️

I have 3, I can honestly say I've loved it. I really have had a new purpose in life and I think it was the making of me.

One nearly through school, the other two are littler so get to do the teenage years again but I really wouldn't change any of it.

I would have liked more sleep as I rounded my 40s, I'll definitely admit that, but that's improved massively in the last couple of years and I feel like a new woman!

This is such an interesting question and the responses have been thought provoking- thank you.

i have enjoyed parenting way more than I expected to- I wasn’t fussed about having kids, was never broody or fantasised about having a baby, and wasn’t at all sure I would want to be with my baby that much (and even less my toddler!) but apart from some times in the very early weeks, I can honestly say I’ve enjoyed being a parent to my child and each stage has been nicer than the previous one.

That said, it gets progressively harder too, because as they develop as people and have more independence, it becomes more difficult to make them happy and to protect them from the world (of course), and when she’s unhappy I can’t be happy either. She’s mid teens now and while it felt like this age would never come, here we are and looking back the time is really so short. Realistically, in three years she may well be preparing to move away from here and we’ll never live together again, and I will have to deal with that which is probably going to be super hard- even while I’m delighted for her. I’m prepping now by trying to establish myself in a new career, and making myself busier outside the home.

Do I like it? Not really.

I love my DC and wouldn’t be without them. But life is infinitely more difficult than I anticipated. I guess I very naively didn’t prepare for the possibility of an extremely challenging ND child.

Every aspect of parenting is just really challenging. We have very little freedom to enjoy our lives as support is so limited.

But just because I don’t particularly “like” or enjoy parenting, it doesn’t mean I don’t love DC as I very much do.

I absolutely love it, though I’m still in the early days - mine are almost 5, 3 and 1. I thought I had a great life before with my husband and friends and career, but they have made it so much better. I’ll probably be rubbish at the teen stage though.

Yes.
It’s the first time I’ve felt fully secure in my role

Mine are young adults now. I love being a parent. I still get a kick out of saying my son or my daughter.
My favourite ages were between 7-12 so you're just heading into that age now.

@badgerandthefox
there is a saying in adoption world that adoption is a marathon and not a sprint.
But I think that applies to all parenting really.

Some of us here have finished or are nearing the end of our marathons, others just starting out.
As I look back over the last 14 years, the hard times were worth it because it built our family and got us where we are today - which is a good place.
The pre children stuff you miss will come back, much quicker than you think.
But of course we are all entitled to find life hard at times, because it is, to be honest about it and have a moan about it.
I have breakfast every Friday with 3 friends, we spend most of our time moaning about kids, husbands, jobs, etc etc. Its good for the soul.

I totally get it, BUT honestly don’t wish it away. 7 is such a lovely age, and you might really regret how you feel now one day. Make the most of it.
My DC is a lot older (17) and it has truly been a living nightmare for 3 years. I wish I could turn the clock back.

Yes I do actually love it. My DDs are 11 and 14.
It is hard at times though

This is my favourite part of parenting - the proper conversations, their profound questions out of nowhere that really make you think, their wildly creative ideas, discovering who they are as people (mine are 3 and 5). Enjoyed some of the baby and toddler bits but now I'm glad we're almost through that stage tbh and looking forward to more answering back!