Do you like being a parent?-honestly?

[Honeyandmarmitesandwichesfortea]

Start by saying, I love my Dd more than anything or anyone in the world. I waited years to have her and threw myself into being a mummy, I still do.
The early years were hard at points, but looking back were the best years of my life.
Recently, i’m finding it all too much and don’t enjoy being a parent at all. I find it stressful probably 80% of the time now. I miss my old life and the life Dh and I had, I know that sounds truly awful. I wouldn’t change things, because I wouldn’t be without Dd, but I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Was there an age/point where it becomes more enjoyable for anyone?
Dd is 7

Yes - they are 11 and 13. I didn’t much enjoy the baby bit but since then I have, although what I don’t enjoy is constantly worrying about whether I’m making the right decisions for them and being as good a parent as a I can be without totally losing my sense of self.
i love watching them change and develop their own skills and interests, and I love taking them on adventures and seeing them take new things in. Overall I’m immensely happy to be a parent although I suspect there are many challenges ahead!

I generally like being a parent when I have them one on one. I have 3! Together I find them very hard work and very annoying much of the time. Sometimes they can be lovely to one another but more often they are winding each other up and bickering. Definitely don’t handle the conflict well.

Now they are teenagers, the physical side of things is easier but the worry about them doing well enough in school, passing exams, getting to the next stage is tricky. Am I involved too much or not enough?

And the expense is never ending!!

If I had my time again, I don’t know if I would have had children but then I know I would have been sad and felt like I was missing out.

It definitely has its ups and downs. At the moment I’m really enjoying it but there has been times I’ve found it really hard.
I wouldn’t change anything if I could go back though.
I have 6 dc ranging from 30-11. They’ve all had tough patches and it’s really hard when two or three of them had stuff going on or were just being teenage aresholes.
The 3 eldest are 30,28 and 21 and are throughly nice human beings who I love spending time with.
The 15 year old has been a bit challenging but seems to be coming out the other side and is starting to be much nicer to be around.
The 12 and 11 year old boys are pretty easy at the moment as the hormones haven’t fully kicked in yet and as long as they get lots of fresh air and exercise they are lovely.

I have a two year old DD, so early days still for me. I can't say I love it all day every day but at the very minimum at least once a day I do absolutely love being a mum.

Personally I find it the best chapter of my life so far but it’s also been the hardest in some ways.
Love her so much (7) and we have such a close bond and I really do enjoy her but it’s a rollercoaster.
Shes a pda-er so it sometimes really does test my patience having to find ways to encourage absolutely everything I need her do. Not an easy child by any means but I’ve absolutely LOVED her every day and have a great time with her. But equally feel I could burst with frustration at times too!

I think I’m lucky in that I’ve got a good friend with two kids and my sister, and niece who is my daughters bestie and supportive mum etc so good support network.
But honestly some days I do think “what the heck am I doing wrong, maybe I’m a crap mum.” All the negative stuff can creep in.

I think taking each day as it comes is a good way to look at it.

Many years ago before I had my daughter I asked my sister in law what it’s like having kids and did she enjoy it. Her response made me laugh as was so blunt but was so true.
“Well, when they are being good it’s nice. But when they are naughty it isn’t.” 😂🤣

I honestly do think genes and temperament have a lot to answer for as well. It’s a mix of nature and nurture how “easy” or tricky kids are.

take care xx

Mine’s a teen, but like you, I’ve loved every stage.

I hear you. I loved mothering mine when they were little. It became hard going I. The teenage years. Unfortunately, two out of three haven’t got any easier as adults 😩

The answer back at 7 is different to the answer back at 5-for us at least! 5 was a golden age

There’s no denying that it’s hard work and has its moments of why did I sign up to this? I found it hard when both girls were under 4.

Now they’re both in primary school, things are much easier and I find it more rewarding as a dad. The adventures, trips away, laughs and silliness along with watching them grow and develop is beautiful.

My favourite days are being out with the girls even if it’s just for a walk in the park.

Ok this isn’t something I generally admit. I really struggled when they were little, I found it hard. I suffered with PND and found it difficult to talk or play with them naturally. Everything felt like I was putting on an act. I couldn’t wait for them to go to bed and I feel terrible admitting that.

They are older now, 15 and 12 and we are all so close, so I must have done something right even if it didn’t feel like it at the time. We have a lovely relationship, they can talk to me about anything. I don’t know if this is due to them being older (I’m not comfortable around young children in general, I never know what to say to them), or that I don’t suffer with PND now … who knows, but I love being a parent these days.

Yes very much. I feel sad that they're growing up at the time when the planet is on fire and we are all getting angrier and more stressy..But yes in general

I absolutely love it. The best thing I've ever done, mine are 18, 15 and 12 and my niece is 17 . Its incredibly hard, especially with my youngest as she has multiple disabilities but I love them with every fibre of my body, I love spending time with them, making memories together, watching them grow and experience life. I feel complete and content when i'm with them. I wish I could rewind time and have their childhood all over again. The days are long but the years are short is so so true. They grow up so fast and before you know it she will be off to college and you will have more freedom x

Loved year 1. Hated years 2 and 3, have loved every other year and she’s about to turn 17. We’ve had more to deal with than most having a preemie and raising a disabled child is no cakewalk, but I have the best daughter in the world so that helps. 😆

I absolutely love it! Ive got two age 6 & 9 and loving these ages, a lovely mix of independence and nice behaviour. Wouldn't change it for the world.

I love being the mother of my daughter: I love her to bits and have been lucky in that she’s, at 15, a genuine friend (I know that’s supposed to be a bad thing but for me its wonderful).

I don’t necessarily love being a parent in the generic sense of the word. I find a lot of parenting grunt work boring and limited but its all worth it for her.

It’s far exceeded my expectations and I never had a driving urge to have them. My boys are now 23 and almost 21. Healthy, smart, doing well.The first three years were very hard, I didn’t enjoy the baby stage at all and we had no help so outsourced a lot of it and went back to work at four and five months each time. From three years onwards it’s been a doddle. Even the teenage years were fine. They’re real adults now, funny, nice to be around and I feel both us and they are reaping the rewards of all our hard work.

No, I hate it. I had PND and have suffered with depression ever since. Feel sorry for my kids having me as their mum.

Sorry to hear that. This sounds incredibly difficult. Are you getting any support with it?

Mine are 19 & 16 and on the whole I have enjoyed being their mum. It has nearly finished me off at times and I often wished I could have worked less but we are where we are!
I would not, under any circumstances go back to the beginning and have another baby at this point (I'm 42) I am definitely ready to enjoy their independence, I honestly think I could quite happily hibernate for a few years to recuperate 🤣

It took me by surprise because I wasn’t at all
maternal Pre-kids and our eldest was a happy accident (only 1-2 years before we would probably have thought about having children though). I love being a parent, absolutely love it. I found the newborn stage the hardest, because of the unpredictability of newborn babies, but loved it once they got to about the 12 week mark, and started being more interesting. I’m more of a toddler / child person than a baby person I’d say. My boys are now 12 and 14 and are still absolutely amazing - lovely boys, and such good fun to be with. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows, but the majority of the time it’s pretty awesome. My husband finds it harder, I think because he is less consistent than me, so the eldest is occasionally a bit cheeky to him and takes it too far, which he never does with me ever as I wouldn't allow any kind of back chat or rudeness. I’m not super strict with them but I have clear expectations for their behaviour and consequences should they misbehave (which is very rare).

what do you miss from your life before? We’ve always just brought our kids along. I mean obviously we don’t go out to bars and get drunk like we did when we were in our early-mid-twenties, but then we’d more or less outgrown doing that kind of thing by the time we had the children anyway (31). We still travel extensively, go on sports holidays, do our individual hobbies as well as coach at the kids sports.

I know we’re not supposed to say it but I agree. I don’t enjoy it. Wouldn’t be without my child but despite waiting years to have him if I could do it all again I wouldn’t have had him.
I didn’t know how hard it would be or how utterly exhausted I would be. I resent the disruption to my career and it’s a totally thankless task. I spent years yearning to be a mother. I know this sounds selfish. I am so lucky to have him but I don’t enjoy it one bit.

I love it. I was an outdoorsy kid and teen, who kind of lost my way with it whilst enjoying my twenties. We had a lot of fun travelling and I "settled down" way before having our son.

Now I find I'm fully embracing the outdoors again and am having a whale of a time. I like being silly and exploring and I get to do lots of both with my son.

I'm really lucky that this far, he's a lively but compliant little soul.

The downside is my relationship has suffered. My husband doesn't shirk his responsibilities, it's just frustrating to see how he executes them, gets overwhelmed, and can't see the sense in following VERY BASIC parenting strategies that I use that have effective results. And things about him that used to be fine are suddenly super annoying because they're in a time-limited environment. I didn't expect him to change I just didn't know how much it would annoy me! We're in a much better place and I can see that it will keep getting better, but it was a real blow t our relationship for a while.

Yes, my DDs are in their 20s. They are amazing. It was hard at times. I found toddlers and teens difficult. But now they are an utter delight.

Honestly, no I don't love it or even like it that much. I love my children but Its never really got easier as they got older, its just hard in different ways. Its so hard not lose yourself between parenting, running a home, fulltime work and other responsibilities and that is with lovely kids and a really great husband who easily does his 50% or more.

There are nice moments but I don't think I would do it again given the chance, I'd also never say that to anyone in real life, not even my husband. Maybe its the time we live in although I am sure all times had their difficulties, the pressure seems relentless these days and then I worry about their futures. Will they find good partners, will they be able to earn enough for a good life, get a secure home, have access to a functioning NHS, clean air to breathe, a liveable pension.

I am from a fairly poor background and did will at school, went to University and got a decent job, worked really hard and even then it feels we haven't much to show for it. Being the first to go to university from my family meant I didn't have much idea of how things worked and lacked confidence and probably had lower expectations than many of my peers and lacked the contacts many of them had. I feel as though I didn't have enough to really ensure they'd be able to compete in the world and if I'd really thought about that I might have had the foresight not to have them unless I knew I could really give them what they need to do really well. It sounds like I am focuses on money and really I don't actually care about wealth and stuff its just that it seems increasingly obvious to me that for ordinary people life is going to become increasingly hard over the years to come even those who previously were affluent will struggle to achieve a basic standard of living, its already happening.

This is great advice OP.

Hypervigilance is robbing my of my happiness as a parent. I’m in therapy about it. In my case some of it can’t be avoided for medical reasons, but also k need to learn to let things go.

For me the balance between being engaged and supportive, and being totally overwhelmed, is very hard to find.

I miss my old life dreadfully BUT I can see flickers of myself coming back occasionally . Eldest will be 9 this year.