Do you like being a parent?-honestly?

[Honeyandmarmitesandwichesfortea]

Start by saying, I love my Dd more than anything or anyone in the world. I waited years to have her and threw myself into being a mummy, I still do.
The early years were hard at points, but looking back were the best years of my life.
Recently, i’m finding it all too much and don’t enjoy being a parent at all. I find it stressful probably 80% of the time now. I miss my old life and the life Dh and I had, I know that sounds truly awful. I wouldn’t change things, because I wouldn’t be without Dd, but I don’t enjoy it anymore.
Was there an age/point where it becomes more enjoyable for anyone?
Dd is 7

I only hate it when my period is due.

Ahh ok I see that your dd is neurodiverse.

It might be worth getting mumsnet to edit your op to say this, so that you get the right type of replies.

I imagine for most parents age 7 is one of the easier stages but for you with your dd being ND you’ll be likely having a whole different experience.

And my child is 7 and ND, it's hard. Hang in there.

I adore my dds but if I'm honest I think if I had my time again I'd probably not have had children. Very tough time with their abusive twat of a father (now divorced but still upsetting them).

In different circumstances - like more support, fewer money worries and maternity leave for a start (I'm self employed) - it would have been a lot easier. Now at almost 53 and in full menopausal hell I am absolutely burnt out and just generally worn out. Dds will be 22 (ND) and 18 (NT) this year and are still very emotionally reliant on me (thanks to their dickhead father I suspect).

Just the relentless worry and all the 'could have beens' sometimes overwhelm me. Which I feel awful about tbh as they're awesome.

I enjoy parenting more with each passing year in many ways. As cute as they were, the baby and toddler years were incredibly hard. The easiest age for me was when both were at primary school. I had evenings, they generally slept and could communicate and use the toilet! Loved having conversations with them too and they were easily pleased.

(Edited for typos)

🤣 long way to go then! Mine are 11 and 7.

Yes I have loved being a mum. Its not always been a bed of roses. I adopted an 8 year old with ASD, with a side order of other issues.
I was older at 47 when he arrived. I'd done my travelling, had a decent job, but never interested in pursuing a stellar career, fancy cars or big houses.
Ive lived in the same terraced house for 30 years.
I was never a drinker or a clubber. My pre child life was gigs, theatre, cinema, a bit of off the beaten track travel. I just carried on doing the same - children's theatre is amazing, we went to small local festivals for my live music fix. He was a cub and scout so I was able to fit on some more adult stuff when he was off at camp.
He is 22 now, doing his finals. He is building his own life but still wants to come away this summer with his poor old mum.
Im immensely proud of him, he has overcome a lot of adversity. For all the hard times it was worth it to see the young man he has grown into.
My only regret ? I don 't regret adopting him at all. We were absolutely made for each other. But sometimes I get a bit sad that he was 8 and I missed out on so much of his early life. I only had 10 years with him before he left for uni, and although he will be back cluttering up my sofa in the summer, I wish he's had more time.

Parenting one very easy baby was sheer bliss.

Single-parenting three under 12s, all the ferrying around to Cubs and Brownies, gymnastics, football, dance, friends round to play… hellish time.

Parenting three teens, an unimaginably worse kind of hell. Knowing they’re lying but only able to guess what the truth was. Playing one parent against the other. Endless rows between each other and with me, and endless complaining.

Parenting now they’re adults with school kids of their own, is nothing more than being available to babysit while their other parent is the fun one for pub lunches.

If I knew them what I know now I’d have stuck to cats and a horse. I’m tired.

Yes. I’ve had periods where I didn’t and it’s so so hard sometimes but when it’s good it’s amazing. I struggled when they were little but now they are 17, 13 and 9. The 9 year olds are getting easier, my teens although grumpy and messy are basically a total joy and I don’t have to worry about childcare for them! When they are all getting on and we are having a laugh together it makes me so happy. The hardest job but also the most rewarding.

I think it’s a bit simplistic to suggest that if you’re struggling with parenting it’s because of a desire for a career, car or fancy holidays.

I didn’t really have those things, but the things I missed were the simple things. Being able to ease myself gradually into the day; being able to watch a box set, read a book, develop my interests. That’s gone for now. It will come back I have no doubt but as lovely as my children are I do find them overwhelming at times and have the right to say this.

We all have ages where developmentally the kids will clash with us depending on our own personalities and preferences. For me personally I found baby and toddler years so exhausting and just no fun or joy at all. Loved the kids but it was a miserable time honestly. Then when they became a bit older (6/7) I started really loving every minute as we could do more activities together and bond over things like theatre and creative stuff.

Where husband loved the cute baby years but found it hard when they were older and argue more!

I think I'll enjoy the teenager years and he'll find the defiance hard. I imagine we'll both enjoy having adult children, which of course is most of their lives!

What I'm saying is - there's no formula for which bits you find hard and which bits more fun and enjoyable. But what I can say with 99% certainty is the bits which suck do tend to be outweighed by the bits which are genuinely nice and fun over the course of the years.

I love being a parent. My daughter is not far off being 20. There were a lot of difficult years but we are nearly there now, and she is one of my favourite people to hang out with. We have a lot of fun together.

Hang in there, mothers, it improves! I totally hear you on the horror of the teenage years, but all years have their own challenges. The teenage ones for me were mainly hard because I couldn't fix anything for her any more.

I still have to tell her to pick her clothes up off the bedroom floor from time to time, though.

Same. I found early years hard. Ours are now 6 and 10 and life is so much easier, don't have to worry about naps, eats everything, have some fantastic conversations, they can stay up late for events etc, they are so much fun, they crack me up every day and its fantastic seeing the people they are developing into. Of course there are days when they drive me mad, getting them out for school on time is a daily challenge which somehow never seems to get easier and the oldest is developing some sass. But I think primary age is definitely the best, still children, still fun.

I have a 7yo and 4yo and I'm very happy being a parent. I have a very hands-on DH and I don't work so I don't feel it's too stressful. My dcs are hard work but they enjoy the activities I plan for them and for me it's rewarding to see them happy. Our lives are very child-focused and I don't feel a huge need to maintain my old life or social contacts, which I think makes things easier as I don't have lots of demands in different directions. Financially we are comfortable, which helps reduce stresses although we don't outsource much (no childcare except preschool/extracurriculars, and no cleaner). I don't get too anxious with my parenting and I think that's partly my personality and partly not having many mum friends that I'm comparing myself to. I just get on with doing it the way I think is right.

Thank you for sharing this. I have not adopted but have often imagined if I did, I would mourn the times I'd missed. And also the idea that there would have been times they needed me but I hadn't found them yet - I have heard other adopted parents say this and it's both sad and incredibly beautiful.

@badgerandthefox
I think that was aimed at me. I wasn't suggesting that at all.
That was my situation. Nearly all my friends have pursued careers and moving up the property ladder- Ive no problem with that at all. But I do think they sometimes put themselves under pressure with mortgages and promotions etc. I just never wanted that.
I also recognise that I never had a baby and had to deal with that.
With a few adjustments my overall life style didnt change much.
But I did have to deal with my son's specific issues.
The question was did I really enjoy being a mum/parent - to which the answer is yes - for the reasons I set out which are specific to me

I haven't voted because there's often no reasonable or unreasonable in these situations.

I do honestly enjoy parenting my daughter though. We had two rough early teenage years and I spend a lot of time chauffeuring, but it's been 17 mostly good years.

I will caveat this by saying I have one child. He slept through at 8 weeks old and continued to do so, the first time he was unwell was at 9 years old, he was a good toddler and is now a pleasant, happy and chatty 15 year old with an interest in all sorts, who we can socialise and travel with easily. I can genuinely and without smugness (because I am aware how lucky i am) say he has never given me a days bother! So, yes, I absolutely love being a parent. Everything about it. I’m sure, however, if I had a typical, Kevin the Teenager after having a screaming baby, a terrible twoer and a feral pre-teen my answer would be entirely different!

I've been a Mum for almost 37 years.
6 dc ranging from 36 down to 11 so I can't imagine anything else.

I think the issue for parents now is unrealistic expectations. Most of parenting is really hard work and quite boring.

It will get better, 7 is still quite young.

It is and I'm a completely solo parent (the dads choice) so I'm sure it'll have its challenges, it already has, but as of right now it's the best thing I've ever done!

I love my kids and they bring such joy that I dont think its would ever get elsewhere. But christ it is hard and I am not enjoying teaching a person how to not be an arsehole. Its hard work. Eldest is 5, youngest 18m, so far I've preferred the 1-3 ages.

I think it's important to get to the bottom of why you - as opposed to any other person - are finding it so hard.

The fact she is ND is potentially a factor, depending on how things are for your DD.

But also there are many other relevant questions - how equal is your marriage? How healthy are you overall? How much support do you have? How was your own upbringing? How many of your dreams have been thrown out? How interesting is your day-to-day life to you?

@MyKindHiker
To be honest those moments for me are fleeting.
Adoption is a very complex thing.
Both the children and the adopter are on their own journeys and one day your path crosses.
I wasn't ready to adopt until my 40s. He wasn't ready to be adopted until he was 7.
Our paths crossed at the right time for both of us. It worked for us because at 8 he had enough understanding of what was happening and he was very ready to have a mummy of his own.
And to be honest - I dont much like babies and would have struggled more with nappies and teething.

@Ted27 I am sorry if I read it wrong. I was also late to parenting and I struggled to adjust as a result, although I am OK now and love being a mum (sometimes!) but having a newborn after forty odd years largely pleasing myself hit me like a truck and I did find the lack of sleep in particular very very hard.

I love being a mum. Ds is the recipient of my love, my efforts and invested time, and my pride. He's turned into a lovely young man.He will head off to university in the autumn.

I have failed to find a life partner who could be trusted so I haven't had to split my affections or compromise which has made parenting easier.

I love it