Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To ask if a 5-6 year age gaps between children is too big?

99 replies

HeyGabby · 20/04/2026 16:20

My DD is 4 and we are struggling to conceive #2. So we are looking at least 5.5 years gap now. I'm a bit sad that if we do manage to conceive the gap will be too big for them to have a good relationship 😪

Please could I ask for people's experiences of this gap?

OP posts:

Fidgety31 · 20/04/2026 16:23

Yes .
mine have big age gaps and have nothing in common as they’re at different life stages .
i expect it will be less of a problem in adulthood though

Nannyfannybanny · 20/04/2026 16:28

My kids are 55,49,43 and 34, for various reasons.i did have a MC between 1st and 2nd and 3rd and 4th. Never found the gaps and issue. We've always done pretty much the same thing as a family, with the first 2,.we all went riding. They have shared flats together at some periods. They all look out for each other.

AOBMGB · 20/04/2026 16:28

Me & my sister gave 5.5 years between us and I always loved it. I was old enough to have memories of my parents bringing her home for the first time and helping look after her. We’re still super close now and talk every day

VaseandCandle · 20/04/2026 16:30

I have a 6 year gap due to difficulties conceiving. I wouldn’t change a thing.

I really enjoyed the baby years second time around because I had much more appreciation. And my older child was more independent.

They do sometimes play together. But depends on the nature of your children. I have a friend in a similar position and her eldest takes more of a mothering role.

My younger adores my older. My older likes teaching my little one things.

As they get to adulthood I don’t think 6 years is going to make much difference to their relationship.

Some have a smaller age gap and they don’t get on. So age isn’t the only factor.

Be prepared for the parents of your older child’s friends regaining their freedom when their child hits teen years, whereas you are stuck in soft play world still! But it’s not forever.

Good luck!

PeatandDieselfan · 20/04/2026 16:30

Where I live, 5-6 years is a normal gap between siblings. A lot of people here think it's better to go back to work in between, and get the 1st child completely out of the toddler stage before having another.

Mine have 2 year gaps, and even then, the gap opens and closes - at some stages they are close, at others not so much.

My friend has 3, currently aged 19, 13 and 7. She's fine with it, and probably has /has had more one to one with each of them than I have had with mine, and that has to be a good thing.

OrsolaRosso · 20/04/2026 16:31

My two have 11 years between them and absolutely adore each other.

I think that any age gap has the potential to work or not, there are lots of factors that influence it.

mindutopia · 20/04/2026 16:32

We very carefully planned a 5 year age gap and it’s been great. Firstly, a really wise decision. I returned to work, got a PhD, got a new job and promotion in the intervening years. Dh built a new business. I got to be off on mat leave for a good chunk of reception and Y1 for eldest to help her transition to school. I got to do all the baby classes when youngest again like he was my first baby because I didn’t have a screaming toddler to tow around.

They do play and have fun with each other, but they also have very different friend groups and like different things, so means they stay out of each other’s way. We can do lots solo with them too. They are 8 & 13 now. Honestly, it really was ideal. I would definitely not have wanted a smaller gap.

NoGingerSpiceWhhhyyyy · 20/04/2026 16:32

I feel for you OP, we also really struggled when trying to conceive number two and this was one of my worries.
But my experience as a child was that my brother (18 months older than me) was a mentally abusive stain on my life whereas my much older sister (14 years older!!) was absolutely lovely and even after she left home, stayed in regular contact with me, visited me, and took me on day trips out on the last Saturday of every month. We were always very close. So age doesn’t necessarily dictate a good/bad sibling relationship.

JanBlues2026 · 20/04/2026 16:35

We have this gap (planned) and it works lovely

SabrinaThwaite · 20/04/2026 16:36

I have 7 years between my two. Eldest loved being a big brother to a new baby, then they went through the stage of niggling each other which lasted until the youngest was about 10, but since they were 18 and 25 they’ve been best mates. They’ve lived together and go on holiday together.

Livingmagicallyagain · 20/04/2026 16:37

It's a really lovely gap! Mine have a 6.5 and 3.5 gap. All three get on well and spend time together! 3.5 gap was harder as the 3.5 year old was still so little. But now (G14, B8, G5) they're a brilliant gang. All adore each other.

ReadingByTheSea · 20/04/2026 16:41

We have just over 5 years between our son and daughter. They’ve always had a lovely relationship. The age gap meant no fighting or competition between them which was great for us. Growing up my son loved being looked up to and having her meant he developed a lot of patience as he realised she couldn’t do things he could. My daughter always thought he was amazing. They are 18 and 23 now and are still very close, go to each other for advice etc.

Piletka · 20/04/2026 16:41

To be fair, a smaller gap does not guarantee that your kids will have something in common. Mine are both the same sex and we have a 3 year gap…they don’t do many things together. One I sporty, one is not. My friend has kids with a five year gap and they also don’t do many things together. Good luck with the TTC, I hope it happens soon. I really wouldn’t worry about the age gap. Focus on enjoying each child as an individual and make the best of the time that you have with them. Best wishes to you x

Shallotsaresmallonions · 20/04/2026 16:41

I don't really get all the stress about age gaps on here. There's no guarantee that siblings will be close no matter the gap.

If it's helps, my youngest sister is 5 years younger than I am and we get on the best out of all my siblings. I have a sister, who is only a year and a half younger, and we fought terribly and still don't really get on as adults.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/04/2026 16:43

My two have a 5.5 age gap. It’s good in some respects but difficult in others.

Like every other age gap, I imagine.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 20/04/2026 16:43

We have 5.5 years. Not planned that way. It is a bit disjointed as we are always split in 2 but in other ways it has worked out. I never had to juggle a toddler and newborn at bed time. One regret I really had it getting hung up on it. I desperately wanted siblings close in age and I remember DSs 3rd and 4th birthdays passing and feeling a little more devastated each time instead of really enjoying it. Of course the upset came from the building fear that I wouldn't have another. Luckily I finally got pg and had twins so hit the jackpot there. We didn't ever really do family stuff as one of us was with DS at weekends and the other with the twins. But all in all it's worked out OK and they were never too involved in each other's lives but also never fought.

florafoxtrot · 20/04/2026 16:46

Struggled to conceive both times and eventually ended up with a 5.5 year age gap. Some days it feels like they are on different planets but mostly I wouldn't actually change it... My youngest is 2 now and they do play together to a point, my eldest will read stories to her little sister - or paint her nails (not sure I actually recommend that one!) Other bonus was being on maternity leave for my eldest's first school summer hols, we had so many lovely days out and really just enjoyed a slow pace of life for a while. In truth my second maternity leave was a lot like my first in that I was able to do all the baby groups etc. as my oldest was at school!

EmeraldSlippers · 20/04/2026 16:47

Following this with interest! I'm currently pregnant with my second, and when they're born my firstborn will be 6.5. I'm really glad to hear all the positive stories of age gap kids being close. My firstborn is a very caring and affectionate child so I'm hoping that will lead to a lot of doting on the baby, although they have a jealous streak towards me giving attention to other kids so let's see how that works out!
My own anecdotal evidence that I contribute is that I was much closer to my sister (5 years younger) growing up than my brother (17 months older). Too much direct competition with my brother I think.

Femalemachinest · 20/04/2026 16:51

My oldest nephew is 17 this year his youngest brother will be 5. They adore each other, oldest is youngest hero. Oldest will happily play.

Poetnojo · 20/04/2026 16:56

We have roughly 7 years between all ours they are now 29, 22, 15 and 7 year old twins. It's never been much of an issue in our case and they all get along well. They are boy girl boy girl girl.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2026 16:56

I have a 5 year gap. They’re not mega close but I don’t think they would ever be with the personalities they have - they’re girl/ boy too.

I also advanced my career quite a lot between the two.

Plus it was nice having dd in reception by that time so I could spend time with the baby during the week (and nap when he napped!). Also nice to be on mat leave whilst she was that little to be around after school, on the holidays etc That summer holiday was the only time I ever had the full six weeks off and I really liked that.

Kasejay · 20/04/2026 16:57

That's the gap we have and honestly we love it. Don't get me wrong sometimes when we go out it can be hard to find things for them both to do, they still argue etc. But now one is 8 and the other nearly 3 things like trampoline parks, soft plays etc work great for both. My little one looks up to her older sister and my eldest gets to be really silly with her little sister and play with toys she's 'too big' for. It's also easier in terms of parenting I feel. Time wise i have been able to spend lots of quality time with both and I don't feel stretched too thin. I have a few friends with similar age gaps and honestly they all feel the same! So I wouldn't worry about it all. I'm sure there will be times you can feel that age gap more but there's nothing better than watching them play together or laying down cuddling up together 🥰

Mama2many73 · 20/04/2026 17:04

When our youngest sister was born, I was 5, one sibling 7, one 9.
I think we are all closer to her, she was the baby, in comparison to each other. As kids I never got on with my sibling who was 2 yrs older than me. I always thought it was weird that people seem to insist on a 2yr gap!

arfidisarealthing · 20/04/2026 17:14

i'm 18 and my sister is 12 and we are super close!!! she's the funniest person i know and i love her more than anything. i've never had any issues with the 6 year gap, we enjoy a lot of the same things (video games, pokemon, youtube etc) so we talk a lot and we get on really well. i wouldn't change it for the world!! :)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2026 17:19

Oh I should add my kids have two younger siblings with their dad as sadly our marriage didn’t last!

DD has a great relationship with them both with 12 and 15 year gaps. Those age gaps work really well for her, as she’s so much older they see her as an adult ish.

DS gets only great with the littlest one - he clashes a bit with his little brother (seven year gap). Doesn’t quite work at the moment because little brother sees him too much as a rival for dad’s attention I think.

Flip

1 2 3 4