What is the obsession with therapy/counselling?

[iamfedupwiththis]

Ok please tell me what is the bloody obsession on this site with therapy or counselling??

Nearly every thread I read there are people suggesting therapy for the most simple of things

Can no one make any decisions alone any more?

Can no make changes to improve their life with it?

Can no one pick up a hobby or do something for themselves without?

I don't get it?

I don't get what talking about it for years on end changes the situation.

There is nothing unkind about doubting or questioning the effectiveness of therapy.

However, sitting in judgement, criticising and being unpleasant about those who use therapy is unkind. Which OP has done plenty of times throughout her comments.

Are you just talking about CBT or all therapies?

EMDR saved my life.

I really hope that you don’t ever find yourself in a situation where you see how valuable therapy can be.

Counselling is not the default issue for most people these days. Try and access it on the NHS.

I really, really hate this about my profession. The two main regulatory bodies, the BACP and the UKCP have worked together to create a framework to try to address this as much as they are able to without having any formal statutory powers.

But I agree, it absolutely should be properly regulated. For the safety of clients first and foremost. But secondarily because therapists like me and my colleagues spend thousands of pounds and many years getting top-tier qualifications and end up competing in the same space as your mum's mate Doris, who's always been a good listener and shoulder to cry on and decided to set herself up as a counsellor.

In case anyone is interested - fully qualified, registered, properly supervised therapists can be found via the BACP and UKCP directories.

You were in a situation where you could change something
I was dealing with compound traumatic grief. I can't bring those people back. I had to find a way of dealing with it. I can now talk about those people without crying.

So unless you're dealing with something you can't change then, sorry, you don't have the life experience to tell someone to just crack on

Despite all these messages from people who've been raped, abused and bereaved detailing how therapy helped them, the OP is still refusing to acknowledge it.

She has no empathy for her own struggles, so she can't have any empathy for anybody else.

Maybe one day you'll realise you can't play your piano to cure trauma OP. I hope that day doesnt hurt you too much.

The. You completely misunderstand what therapy is. The point of therapy is that there are no quick fixes. Therapy is what people often benefit from. Quick fixes are what people try to do instead of dealing with the issues.

It's easy enough to find out if someone who claims to be a therapist is doing this. Any ethical therapist should be willing to show their qualifications, proof of membership of a professional body and proof of their professional indemnity insurance.

At the risk of riling you further OP, this thread has ‘triggered’ me.

i am engaging with therapy because it’s easier than ‘pulling myself together’.

likewise, I’m on fat jabs because I can’t be bothered to diet properly.

i also use a dishwasher because washing up by hand is a faff.

and I drive a car because walking in heels is tricky.

judge away.

I don't know where you're getting "years on end" from. I've had counselling twice, both times it was limited to 6 weeks, and had two spells under psychologists, neither for a long as a year even.
Not sure I'd still be around if I'd stuck to the gung ho route. Asking for help can be the hardest thing to do. I hope the way you've voiced your misgivings doesn't make anyone feel that needing counselling is somehow not legitimate.

Who do you think wrote this imaginary leaflet?

I’ve read 2 pages of this thread and don’t feel I can read much more.
OP, I have C-PTSD, DID and Anorexia. The alternative to having to get up and face the day and take the kids to school and keep working was to try to end my life. I could not keep going. I could not get out of bed. I was fortunate to have a husband who could shoulder the load while I was completely incapacitated. It was theworst period of my life. I had a whole year out of work and ended up losing my job.

I found a truly amazing therapist who has changed my life. She has taught me techniques and skills to regulate myself, helped me work through some horrific childhood trauma (not by talking through it endlessly - I haven’t even told her some of it) but we look at how the impact of it shows up in my life, we look at managing triggers, we’ve looked at core beliefs I’ve formed about myself due to the nature of the trauma. We look at how it impacts me physically and how to control anxiety symptoms. I have my life back and am gaining the ability to step away from therapy as I grow and learn. I’m building a life for the first time free from the things that almost killed me and did not make me stronger. I can parent my children and hold down a job. Therapy saved me. No friend or relative could have handled the level of support I needed and I would never have expected them to.
It is upsetting that you judge me for needing that help. And it’s because of people like you that I don’t tell people that I have therapy or struggle with my mental health.

Its what friends do. We burden each other with our problems and the mutual sharing makes the coping possible. I would be disappointed if a friend felt they couldn’t share a burden in the way my burdens have been shared with them.

If I look back over decades of friendship the bonds come as much (or more) from the dark times as the light. The new relationships, the marriages, the children, the successes, the sunny days sit alongside the divorces, the widowhoods, the illnesses, the losses and the career crises.

And yes if I look around some have had prolonged periods of needing support more than others but you know what? Even in our own dark times we can still support others dealing with their own difficulties and sometimes being a support to others makes it easier to cope with our own.

For all the additional connectivity its so easy to look inward or online for support and maintaining boundaries against others but its the time spent building those real friendships which keep us going during lives brickbats.

People suggest it as a dig most of the time-at least it used to be an insult. Probably still is. If people are genuinely being helpful and kind suggesting it then it's all good. It's quite offensive to be told you need therapy otherwise!

I have nothing against it but I think there are a lot of things that we have to struggle with for life that therapy won't cure. Not being pessimistic I think that's just reality. I'd rather do hypnosis personally.

Many things can be true.

I agree its become a monetised industry and the pathologising of challenging but normal experiences or variations of human behaviour is causing more harm than good.

Its also the case that for clinically diagnosed significant problems a clinically experienced and properly qualified therapist can be a life saver and a properly qualified therapist will tell a patient if they should be looking at a different path.

For me a big part of the problem is the utter wild west of therapy (including NHS therapy - the NHS label doesn’t guarantee quality or even qualifications). You only have to look at therapy experiences here to see the mixed bag on the market.
I would like to see the industry properly regulated and regulation of the terms “therapist” and “counsellor” in the selling of therapy services, just as dietition or medical doctor is regulated. Preferably along with their specialisations. I have lost count over the years of the number of “therapists” who have told women in abusive situations that they should engage in joint therapy which tells me they know fuck all about their subject.

Of course regulation won’t stop weasels find weasel words - no shortage of self appointed “nutritionists” but at least I know if I need a dietician then there is a title which is protected and means something.

Sorry I wasn't meaning you personally, I should have maybe said One talks about oneself! I think we hold the same opinion of the never ending proliferation of 'therapy' and 'counselling'! A colleague was once referred to a 'therapist' after an incident which she really didn't want to do and when she clearly didn't want to talk about herself this was seen as evidence she needed therapy, a Catch 22 situation.

Cupoftea 💐don’t feel you have to expose your suffering to this wind-up merchant. Focus on your own healing. This person means nothing to you, don’t let them nourish their negativity on your pain.

Can you start with EMDR first? With trauma we need to work on body and nervous system first and then you can work on it once you feel ready.

But op we know from evidence and studies that certain therapeutic processes help people process and accept/ find ways to grow around impactful things like grief or trauma. There has been extensive research done into this so we know what works and what doesn't. It's been studied over years, for example one of the key differences for veterans and the liklihood of suffering ptsd was the length of the journey home shared with others with the same experience. Those that had longer journeys and more peer support were more likely to have processed what they had experienced before they got home, those who return home rapidly or alone after a conflict are significantly more likely to develop ptsd.

We know that talking helps mental and emotional processing which in turn can help physical health and overall wellbeing.

I agree all therapists SHOULD be qualified but as a client that's something you look into and it's easy to find. It's also not a contracted service. I've been for one session with a counsellor and knew immediately we wouldn't click so I tried another. Clients are expected to shop around and most counsellors will offer introductory sessions to discuss how they work and what qualifications they have/ the approaches they take etc so that clients can decide if its the right fit for them or not before disclosing anything.

You talk about a difficult experience you have and I'm glad you were able to get yourself out of that. You showed a lot of resilience in that process, but the key factor here is that not everyone has the same degree of resilience. Sometimes due to personality, medical vulnerability, the stage of life they are in, a barrage of difficult circumstances happening close together.

And what you say about feeling that noone would want to sit and listen to you. Op, I'm sorry but that's quite sad actually to hear that. You deserve to be heard and listened to and have someone in your life to hold space for you. Perhaps you have a friend or spouse who fills that role, but not everyone does. And that's where people find counselling helpful. For women experiencing dv for example they may need a secret, confidentiality safe place where they can say exactly what they're thinking so they can work out what's gaslighting and what's real. Or maybe it's a big issue affecting you but you worry your friends would judge you or share it with others. A lot of people value that it's confidential.

And also I'd just say that while yes it's a debate, but you need to recognise that a lot of the language and phrasing you are using is incredibly dismissive of people who have really struggled with traumatic circumstances and who have relied on therapy. There is a lot of judgement coming through in your posts and very little empathy. Which I think is why people are asking why you seem so affected by this as your posts do come across very strong. Are you struggling op and are you feeling like there is noone there to listen? Because if so that's a lonely place to be standing and you do deserve more than that.

It depends on the problem. Some need support from an expert and for other perhaps you could benefit from support from family and friends, even communities. But we no longer have those kind of communities, at least not in the western world. To work through a trauma requires a lot of support. In an ideal world, this will be coming from your community including friends and family, but that’s not the norm.

Now please don’t give examples of hating your job, crying your heart out and finding another. Trauma is much more complex than finding a job.

It’s not unkind to doubt the effectiveness of therapy. But when countless people are recounting their experiences it is extremely offensive for them to be ignored or to read statements like some of those which the OP has made.

”I’d never be so self-centred enough to talk to someone about myself”. The implication that anyone who has therapy is self-centred. That is beyond offensive.

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And the BABCP for CBT therapists.

yes this - my most unstable friend is a counselor. I actively avoid discussing anything too personal with her as she always projects all sorts of meaning onto the smallest of comments.