What is the obsession with therapy/counselling?

[iamfedupwiththis]

Ok please tell me what is the bloody obsession on this site with therapy or counselling??

Nearly every thread I read there are people suggesting therapy for the most simple of things

Can no one make any decisions alone any more?

Can no make changes to improve their life with it?

Can no one pick up a hobby or do something for themselves without?

I don't get it?

I don't get what talking about it for years on end changes the situation.

Haha - they were I got a job I loved and I was happy in, got my confidence in and then boom an opportunity came along and I grabbed it and it was one of the worst decisions I had ever made!

But I learnt from it, I jumped again and that was another burning ship haha ( you couldn't make this up could you )

Now seconded into a role I love and the feedback at interview was I have shown resillience, humour, tenacity and have the experience needed.

Well most working class women didn't. Valium was generally a middle class option and even then far more so in American society where they had a big problem with it in the 60's and 70's.

But you are using an example where you can change the situation that was causing you so much harm.

What about situations that cant be changed?

A woman who needs therapy because she’s raped?
What can she do to change that? She can’t undo the rape can she?

Someone who has been a victim of childhood abuse?
The abuse cant be undone.

Someone who is grieving the death of the child?
Their child cant be bought back.

Surely you can understand that sometimes it’s not a case of just changing the situation and cracking on?

My Nan was on it half her life, absolutely working class. As were many of her working class friends. They were known as “Mother’s little helpers” and 10% of UK women were on them in the 1960s. She’d grown up in an orphanage so had a lot of her own issues. They were definitely prevalent in working class communities.

Those situations are horrific and like you said, cannot be change, the past cannot be undone, so what can counselling do in those situations, it cannot change the past, it cannot fix grief.

I mentioned upthread I went to therapy to deal with CSA really. Everyone is different but another member of my family was also abused by the same abuser is more of the “no need to look at the past” type.

She was abused by the perpetrator for decades and she brought her young children around him all of the time.

Sometimes looking back and having therapy can also have an additional value in preventing abuse going forward.

I don’t have anything to do with those family members anymore but last I heard she was still massively in denial about the closed in family culture that was still hiding that abuser from any accountability.

I definitely think she would benefit from some decent therapy but she is massively avoidant of anything emotional which I would expect is largely down to early abusive experiences.

I think it can be extremely hard for avoidants to understand why therapy can be useful and often they struggle massively with empathy for themselves and for others because of the discomfort emotions cause them.

Sorry but this post can't be for real.

You can't seriously believe that good quality therapy doesn't help people deal with grief or other emotional pain - that is precisely what it can do.

Good therapy helps people deal with bad situations whilst they are happening, and helps people heal from historic hurt.

It can help you process the trauma. Not just stuff it down and pretend it didn't happen but actually process it and deal with it in a healthy way.

I had PTSD and some specific trauma based therapy helped to stop the relentless nightmares and flashbacks. It helped me find peace again.

Good quality therapy for horrific situations - not for everyday situations - this is what good quality therapy should be for.

But like someone said upthread, it cannot change the past can it, a poster was offered counselling after her husband died, but ultimately it cannot bring them back, grief is a journey she had to go through.

Before you start a thread criticising therapy and being very judgemental about those who feel they need it to help them cope with their trauma perhaps you should actually educate yourself on what its purpose is.

Hint: It isn’t to “fix” things.

Oh, can't therapy bring people back?

Everyone who has grief counselling is going because they think it will bring the person back.

Thank you @LondonLady1980 these are almost the exact same circumstances that led me to seeing a very good and insightful therapist. But it was my husband of over 35 years who died in a tragic and avoidable incident.
My therapist has helped me process so much and piece my life back together.
I find the OP's ignorance and flippancy around the subject borders on the offensive. I hope in real life she is more insightful and can understand that life can throw some pretty shitty things at people. And being unhappy in the workplace doesn't come close to it.
There but for the Grace of God and all that, I hope she never finds out.

People can start threads for whatever reason they like.

It’s clear the OP should never go to the therapy as she doesn’t appear to either take in information or listen.
She keeps referring to unqualified therapists.
There are no such thing. To qualify is a rigorous procedure.
It is like saying all professional doctors are not qualified. They are.
There is a sheer ignorance, and an inability to be curious.
You would ask why therapy can’t help with rape? There is a poster on here, right now, who is repeatedly being raped by her own husband.
It is a hugely complex situation, one where she has been controlled in every way since she was 18.
After posting, the first tentative step she has taken is to find and speak to a therapist.
When she tried to tell a friend she left key details out due to shame. The friend gave woeful feedback - don’t all of our husbands get a bit frisky?
The details of what this lady are doing through are harrowing. A therapist is trained to deal with this.
What would it change? Potentially, everything.
And please don’t say why doesn’t she just leave?
You clearly have no idea how life-changing professional help can be, and while it’s not for you, you seem dogged in sitting in a fixed position that it can’t help anyone else.
A therapist has written some fantastic words about what they do.
Many posters have replied about how therapy has changed their life.
If you can’t take that on board in any way, it’s you who has a problem.

I think OP is just trying to provoke people. I don’t think a genuine person would start such an unkind thread.

I am glad for those people who have had good insightful therapists for horrific situations.

If you go back to my original opening piece it was about how it is seen now as the default answer to everything on here and in real life.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5519134-ended-marriage-and-ex-is-thriving-but-im-not?page=10&reply=151820654

This is the thread that prompted my post, several people suggesting therapy - for what exactly.

Hate to break it to you, but 'therapist' isn't a protected title in the UK, where this website is based. Anyone can set themselves up as a therapist and start charging and working with people.

It isn't an unkind thread, it is a debate in AIBU, there are plenty on here who have agreed with comments I have made.

True - and yours has no purpose except to just be judgemental and mean about people who struggle to cope with trauma.

Perhaps you should do some self-reflection on why you want to do that.

You are wrong @iamfedupwiththis it is unkind. Or a the very least demonstrates your lack of empathy and emotional intelligence.

I am not being mean, I am looking at an alternative point of view and questioning the insane rise in people needing counselling and why it is the default issue for everything nowadays

That is your opinion that you are entitled to.

If that how you want to justify all your posts and the comments you’ve made throughout the thread then fine.

We will agree to disagree.

I don’t see what is unkind about doubting the effectiveness of therapy. Obviously some disagree but in itself it isn’t a view which is ‘unkind.’

The goal is not to make it as if it had never happened.

The goal is to assimilate it so that it becomes understood and experienced as something that happened but it is now bearable.

To be able to tolerate the knowledge that it happened without becoming completely overwhelmed by emotions. To have a safe 'place' to put it so that it no longer causes constant pain.

There is a massive neurobiological element to working with processing trauma that I won't go into here. But very real, measurable, empirical things happen in the brain structure when therapeutic approaches are used to treat emotional and psychological trauma.

I wonder why you are working so hard on this thread to prove that you don't need any help, OP. Not needing help seems to carry a lot of meaning for your identity. That's what I'd be most curious about if you were sitting opposite me in my therapy room.