Wealthy MIL hoarding money

[hoardingwealth]

MIL is worth a few Million. Lives in a 6 bed, 6 bath mansion. Has multiple cars. Takes several long haul holidays every year, always business class. Lots of investments. Lots and lots of properties that she rents out. She's in very good health and in her mid 70's. Most women in the family live until 95. I'd say she's on track to do the same.

Now here's the rub. She was given a property and a business by her wealthy parents. She also inherited substantially. But she has effectively pulled up the ladder behind her, and has not given any such help to DH or his brother. We are ok for money, however BIL is on the breadline. He has young kids too. They are crammed into a tiny ex-council house and live pay cheque to pay cheque. They have no treats or niceties, no meals out, no holidays etc, as the money just won't stretch.

Obviously when MIL passes, unless she needs care, DH and BIL will receive a very nice inheritance, but if she does indeed live until 95, DH and BIL will be in their early 70's by then.

How would you feel about this? I'm struggling to wrap my head around it, tbh. DH and I have adult children, and we have helped them financially to get on the housing ladder, to get married etc, even though we don't have anything near this kind of wealth.

AIBU to think that MIL should have done the same as her parents did for her, and given DH and BIL a leg up, just like she had?

Has anyone else experienced this?

I cannot believe some of the responses on here! Minimum wage workers aren’t “wasters” or anything like that. They’re people who keep the world turning.

I cannot believe some of the responses on here! Minimum wage workers aren’t “wasters” or anything like that. They’re people who keep the world turning.

I think it’s mean of her not to share some of her finds with family if some are struggling.

My mother passed 5 years before my dad. They had their own business and l know pretty well off. Sometimes my dad d would say how he was struggling for money, l have no explanation as to why he would say this , but he did. I would offer to clean for him, he ate with us every Sunday for a roast, sometimes popping in during the week too. When he passed, omg, my brother and l were in shock. He had millions, he liked classic cars, l knew about one of them as it was kept in his garage at home and he would go to car shows throughout the summer. We found he had a model T Ford, a highly collectable vintage Rolls Royce and 4 others l cannot not remember, it was 8 years ago. He was never tight will his money, always spoilt his grandchildren & would do anything for us at the drop of a hat....l, to this day cannot this of an explanation as to why all this was not known to us.

To be honest, even if that was an issue, I’d still want to help my grandchildren. Even if it was something like saying I’d book and pay for eg swimming lessons - something important, benefits the children, and is probably either not currently affordable or really being scraped for.
I’d do that even if I thought my adult child was a lazy bone idle arse.

Making things up again. She doesn’t even pay for her own meals sometimes, let alone treat others. Hardly makes the DILs grabby.

The MIL is grabby for hanging on to family money that she has benefitted from for all those years and not made herself. Grabby MIL, not DILs.

That she laughs about her sons financial troubles says everything about what a horrible person she is. That also says a lot about you for being her cheerleader.

But the Op is making this all about the Bil - she cares so much for him - she doesn’t want the money for herself, she has stated they are well off enough to set their kids up with deposits for house etc

It’s nothing to do with her?

She’s their mother.

My children aren’t even teenagers yet, and I already save for their future. Most people I know do, regardless of their level of income.

Can we please stop trying to normalise completely turning one’s back on their children and grandchildren.

Thread after thread after thread about this recently.

It’s disgusting.

Think this was posted some time ago? I would find this very hard OP but maybe the kids need to ask for money? She can only say no. Plus, if she married her boyfriend, he’ll inherit it all unless she’s made a will.

The OP is grabby…for caring about her BIL and his family more than his own mother does?

I personally couldn’t sit on a pile of cash and watch my children struggle . If i had kids I would want to look after them .

Find a way to slip her some nice beef wellington

Complete this sentence....'And this is your business because....'

Their is nothing wrong with saving for your childrens future but once your children become adults you expect them to be able to stand on their own 2 feet.

You will always be their parent, but imo the 'parenting' bit is over unless they actually ask for advice etc.

That isn't turning your back on your children, it's seeing them as the adults they've become while getting on with your own life.

Edited because I can't spell

Someone who married wealthy men twice, and bought a load of property in London before prices went crazy. She never went to Mexico as far as I know. Was fond of a golf holiday though!

But the OP’s BIL is standing on his own two feet.

He’s never asked his mother for anything.

He certainly isn’t needing “parenting”.

That isn't turning your back on your children, it's seeing them as the adults they've become while getting on with your own life.

Look, just because you would be comfortable flying around the world first class, and having a few million in the bank, whilst your grandchildren have never been on holiday and are dressed in second hand clothes, doesn’t mean everyone would be.

I would imagine most people would not turn their back on their child and grandchildren in such a situation.

Just like most people wouldn’t turn their back on a parent who lived in poverty and struggled to heat their home in the winter.

Well it sounds like dbil should have been given some help, who watches their grandchildren go without holidays ect when they are sitting on a fortune. It sounds like you are in a different situation if you have been able to help your adult children. I don’t think giving to children should be dependent on the care you may receive in the future. Quite frankly if I had that sort of money I would want to be in one of those very posh care homes with a decent chef and a bar, not relying on my children so I don’t think that is a good reason for not helping.

I think sadly when some people have money they really worry about losing it and lose perspective. Inheriting when you are in your 70s and possibly in too poor health to enjoy it is a bummer!

I agree. It’s appalling and really depressing. Everyone I know treats their children and grandchildren and helps them out where they can. I don’t know anyone like this IRL. Except maybe my parents were a bit like that… maybe that’s why I feel completely the opposite.

I agree. It’s appalling and really depressing. Everyone I know treats their children and grandchildren and helps them out where they can. I don’t know anyone like this IRL. Except maybe my parents were a bit like that… maybe that’s why I feel completely the opposite.

Ah yes, family should just stay detached from each other. Once you hit 18 all kids and all parents just say their goodbyes and never the twain shall meet. Easier all round to not be connected to anyone. Spouses must also never let a thought about extended family cross their minds. Everyone is their own isolated island.

People don't realise that sometimes decisions to give adult DCs money or not depend on their partners.

If you have awful grabby DIL or SIL it's very understandable when you don't want to give away money which they will benefit from. Especially when you know you can't rely on them in your hour of need. It might be better in this case to give directly to grandkids.

I said the parenting is over unless they ask for advice etc. That etc covering financial assistance.

For all we know the OPs bil won't ask for help because hes too proud. Or maybe he has never worked and spends his days procreating and smoking weed and his mum is really annoyed with him for that.

Maybe the OPs mil finds her family really wasteful and wishes they'd made better life choices and that's why she doesn't give them money. We only have 1 side of the story.

All we know is what the OP has shared: she begrudges her MILs money, thinks she should share it and (horrors) she didn't even work for the money herself which seems to annoy the OP most of all. That and the fact her MIL has money which she keeps to herself because she can, because it's her money.

But surely part of enjoying money is being able to help out those you love, especially your children and especially when one of them in particular is really struggling and has her grandchildren?

I am very content with my little lot, happy to budget and save for purchases etc. In fact I've realised the only times I wish for more lolly is to be able to help my family. I do hope things improve for you BIL & his family and that your MIL discovers the joys of kindness.

Or maybe he has never worked and spends his days procreating and smoking weed and his mum is really annoyed with him for that.

The OP literally says he lives pay check to pay check, so what is the actual point in this sentence?

Just because you would be comfortable flying around the world first class, and having a few million in the bank, whilst your grandchildren have never been on holiday and are dressed in second hand clothes, doesn’t mean everyone else would be.

All we know is what the OP has shared: she begrudges her MILs money, thinks she should share it and (horrors) she didn't even work for the money herself which seems to annoy the OP most of all. That and the fact her MIL has money which she keeps to herself because she can, because it's her money.

The OP’s MIL is entitled to spend her own money as she sees fit, and the OP and the rest of the MIL’s family are as entitled to judge her for it as they see fit.

MIL is very much deserving of the legacy and memory she will leave behind.

It is certainly not how I wish to be remembered by my children, and their children.