I had no idea that my friend is a multi millionaire!!

[shockedpuppy]

Been friends for 35+ years. Both from "normal" working class backgrounds. I found out today, that her DH's business turned over £100 Million last year. Yes, One Hundred Million, it's not a typo.

They have a nice house in the South East, worth maybe £700k. There are no obvious signs of such wealth. They are not big spenders. We were at a party with them last month, and they were (as usual) quite slow to get the drinks in when it was their turn. We definitely got in more rounds. Gifts at Christmas are especially frugal, I normally receive something that has obviously been recycled as it's so bizarre, or it's obviously a freebie with another purchase.

I had been feeling quite good recently about money, as we pay off our mortgage later this year (house worth about £340k for context), and we will have a reasonable amount in savings. Now I just feel a bit Meh, as we will never attain anything like this. Just one million would do me, lol. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but I feel absolutely positively green with envy.

They will be able to do things for their 3 daughters when the time comes, like buy them homes outright - something we can't do.

We are all in our 50's, if that's of any relevance.

So because people are rich you should never buy them a drink? Wow, some toxic attitudes on here.

That you are keen to discuss their position here speaks volumes about the kind of person you are.

I wouldn’t like to have a friend who would do this.

No. For me and a rich friend it wasnt buying him a drink I had a problem with, it was that he never bought a drink back if he could possibly avoid it. Would happily take from others but never reciprocate. If its equal all round then fine, but someone pleading poverty when they have the same, or maybe more, than you so you subsidise them is not ok.

She's NOT enjoying what she has though -thats the entire bloody point!

OP was perfectly happy with her lot according to her OP and was even looking forward to paying off her mortgage UNTIL she started snooping on her friend's company and it was only then she started to feel dissatisfied and meh about everything.

This is exactly why people are saying to stop focusing on it and stop comparing her life. Jealousy and bitterness wont make you happy and they are the fastest route I know to misery. Lots of people would love to be able to pay their mortgage off so you could equally argue why isnt OP comparing herself to people who cant even afford to buy a house of their own?

She isn't doing that because she's just a normal human being.
We all tend to compare & envy upwards rather than thinking how lucky we might be, it's just part of the human condition & we all do it.
I would be shocked if I discovered a friend who seemed the same as me was actually rolling in it. Yes, yes, turnover isn't profit etc etc but with the turnover the business has they are hardly going to be pulling in pennies are they?
The OP has been given a hard time on here but I think she's just reacted as most people would.

Some of the wealthiest people I have met have been the least extravagant and very down to earth. In fact, it’s only casually that I conclude they must be millionaires by piecing things together.

They have always been generous in my experience (in a very non showy way) but maybe I’m just fortunate.

We all feel flashes of envy, yes. But to regard paying off your mortgage as "meh" needs a bit of reality check, sorry.

Thats pretty ungrateful and miserable considering the state of the UK right now and how many people are financially struggling so yes, sometimes it is important to compare yourself with those who have nothing rather than people turning over 100 million pounds. If I spent my life comparing it to those earning millions or billions of pounds I would be miserable from the moment I woke up until I went to bed.

Feeling an emotion isnt the issue- marinating in it, is.

Wealthy people are just people, which means that they act in all the various ways that people tend to do. Some are ‘flashy’ and extravagant, others are more low key, others can be both depending on their mood and/or environment. Historically though, old money was incredibly, and competitively, extravagant. Until they started losing their money.

I’m ’new money’, and went to school with, and both personally and professionally socialize with, new and old money. Ime old money, of the type often admired on MN, are no more or less likely to spend on first class flights and Louis Vuitton than new money. That’s if they have liquid wealth, anyway. The only ones I’ve encountered that vaguely met the ‘dog eared cashmere’ stereotype do so not because they want to, but because they have to. The family money is not personally theirs, but exists as an entity in its own right, in the form of trust funds that can only be accessed for very specific things (for education or housing, for example). It is not something they have free access to.

Historically, old money was incredibly, and competitively, extravagant. Until they started losing their money. The ‘old money are better’ trope is a result of old money feeling threatened by the new money upstarts upending the established order and overtaking them. It was a way to assert themselves as still having the superior status because despite financial difficulties. Mind you, this was the same old money that made an industry out going to the USA in search of new money cash injections in exchange for titles. See ‘the dollar princesses’. Go figure.