I had no idea that my friend is a multi millionaire!!

[shockedpuppy]

Been friends for 35+ years. Both from "normal" working class backgrounds. I found out today, that her DH's business turned over £100 Million last year. Yes, One Hundred Million, it's not a typo.

They have a nice house in the South East, worth maybe £700k. There are no obvious signs of such wealth. They are not big spenders. We were at a party with them last month, and they were (as usual) quite slow to get the drinks in when it was their turn. We definitely got in more rounds. Gifts at Christmas are especially frugal, I normally receive something that has obviously been recycled as it's so bizarre, or it's obviously a freebie with another purchase.

I had been feeling quite good recently about money, as we pay off our mortgage later this year (house worth about £340k for context), and we will have a reasonable amount in savings. Now I just feel a bit Meh, as we will never attain anything like this. Just one million would do me, lol. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but I feel absolutely positively green with envy.

They will be able to do things for their 3 daughters when the time comes, like buy them homes outright - something we can't do.

We are all in our 50's, if that's of any relevance.

Assets are generally valued on a going concern basis in accounts and in no way represent their net realisable value. For example land and buildings are included at their original cost not their current value.

I know - what a heap of shite!

I have so many thoughts on this...

Firstly, that people should really use the word 'acquintance' more often. 'Friend' should be reserved for people you love and have a deep meaningful relationship with.

Secondly, how would they tell you? 'So by the way, Jackie, we are totally loaded'? Discussing your finances with someone who isn't directly impacted by your finances is weird full stop, but announcing your finances to someone who is less well off would just be a very bizzarre conversation. How would it even start?

So I happen to be quite wealthy if that helps for context. I'm around 'normal' payday to payday people a lot of the time, apart from maybe grooming/body language, I don't give out any overt signs of wealth. Fair, I don't drive an old banger, but it's not eaxactly an Aston Martin. I may be dressed head to toe in expensive items, but they aren't visually branded, so unless you know fashion well, you wouldn't be able to tell. I don't join conversations about money/cost of living, or just nod along.

Most people I know probably assume I am saving for my first house and don't have much of a pension. For example, when I buy or sell a property or similar, I wouldn't mention in.

Whereas a lady at work is currently doing it and we all know every tiny detail, her deposit, rate and whatnot. Generally all my colleagues seem to have disclosed their mortgage rates to everybody!

I don't want to make people feel bad or create gossip and barrier, so avoid money conversations all together - from your reaction I can see why your friend may have done that. For example, people that are more comfortable than others routinely get slagged off or be expected to pay for everybody, and nobody wants their money to become 'a thing'.

I sometimes talk to someone who thinks she's very well off. She'll brag about her holiday home or an event they went to because 'they weren't really interested but it was fancy so they paid x'. I say nothing and just nod and smile as my goal is not to create a comparison moment for them and rain on their parade.

Now, I have always had a lot of contact with other people who are wealthy or very wealthy, including billionaires. When one is in the company of their financial peers, one may talk about money. Because you're in the same spending bracket and with similar concerns or money decisions.

If two people are deciding between the latest Ferrari or Lamborghini, it makes sense for them to chat freely and openly about the merits of each car. If they are having coffee with the Ford Fiesta guy, save for specific circumstances, it's extremely rude to mention about buying a 100K car if it's not a shared topic with the other person and all it'll achieve is make them resent you or think you're a show-off. So you don't, and talk instead about your shared interest in coffee.

Similarly, a billionaire wouldn't talk about their manor renovation and where to procure the best materials with me.

I’ve said YANBU.

I agree, it makes sense to be shocked. I used to have a friend.. I found out she owned/ part owned 6 houses. We were friends for more than 20 years.

I wasn’t jealous, but I did feel hurt she never said (maybe that makes me worse than you, in the eyes of some posters here :))

She had seen me struggle since teenage years with insecure housing, not enough money (due to no family support.) As we got older I continued to find it hard.. if you can’t build wealth, of course the situation stays quite similar.

I was hurt as whilst she saw me struggling over years, talked about it, especially with housing, house shares.. she never said, look I own a bunch of houses, this is how you do it. Then one day she told me. I just felt pretty stupid to be honest. And I wish she could have given me so advice, rather than just watch me for several decades. (She was one of my closest friends,) so different situation to you, but I empathise with the shock!

She was also someone that would give strange, recycled gifts.

Maybe the only thing I can suggest is, try to focus on the small and beautiful things in your life. I’m sure you do! Try not to feel badly, what they can offer their children and you can’t. I really understand, but I’m sure you love yours deeply, support them etc, so yours will still do well :) 🙏

My friends are absolutely all different backgrounds and the ones which I find important to me are loved because of who they are, and the way they brighten my life. Their personalities and how we get on with each other are far more important than their jobs, bank accounts and careers.

I agree with others that this is something you seem overly invested in, to your detriment. Your friend is someone you should love regardless of her finances. It's a bit uncouth to be snooping online and finding out all the ins anf outs of her business.

Bloody hell calm down ragging on the OP, anyone would be shocked if a supposedly average pal was uber wealthy.

I was hurt as whilst she saw me struggling over years, talked about it, especially with housing, house shares.. she never said, look I own a bunch of houses, this is how you do it.

If you had no money and were struggling then how on earth could you have started buying up houses like she did?? you wouldnt have had the finances in the first place to start. You need money to buy houses

I think it's weird as heck to expect your wealthy friend to start telling or even explaining to her friends who are struggling how much money she's earning- it would come off like a total brag and highly insensitive. Not to mention really patronising as if you're an infant and she's trying to school you

www.thetimes.com/article/d7de30f1-598f-49ce-a8ce-0896155b41eb?shareToken=43e0ddbc533b5cfd550a32f499f5d09c

Really interesting about comparative wealth and how people end up overspending on conspicuous items.

I don't really understand how "discovering" this changes anything. You have always known that there are people far richer than you- why does it change anything that you have known one of them for years?
You are obviously dissatisfied with your life- otherwise why would you research the net worth of your friends?
Your life is good- how does this change anything, saying you want to be rich so you can buy properties for your kids is really quite unconvincing.

At least 2 of mine are!

My brother has been a millionaire since mid 20s. I’m a single mom who is way older than him. 1 salary. I get on with it. I’m mega proud of my brother. It is what it is. He’s not fast with getting the drinks in either! I just have learnt to live with his life is not my life.

This thread is simply insane!
MN at it's craziest. 😂

Ps I'm a multi billionaire with my own very successful business but I just drive a crap car and shop in Lidl so none of my friends, who are all on benefits, would ever guess how fabulously wealthy I really am.

😂

What’s it got to do with you?

The issue I would have is having an extremely close friend or relative in this financial situation & not offering to invest a little in my business.

Echoing other people that the majority of wealthy people I've known are also extremely tight. To the point where it can even be offensive, like your gift situation/reluctant to buy rounds etc.
However I was raised that we don't talk about finances and that is supposed to stay private, so it wouldn't have been something I'd expect them to share. In fact if they did, it could even be deemed as bragging about their fortune.
Although saying that, just by looking at the price of their house, it's no secret that they're doing alright for themselves.

That’s not being stingy?

On paper I am a director of a company that turns over 2 million. However, I can confirm, I am definitely not a millionaire and sometimes have to sacrifice part of my earnings ( dividend ) as the cash flow just simply won’t allow. Most months I also end up in my over draft despite trying not to over spend. I’ve also not had a pay rise in 3 years.

Someone can be ‘stingy’ or not depending on the audience. If you don’t want to make someone feel awkward and/or see you as a resource, then you’re going to be careful in how you spend around them.

If you spend as some people think the wealthy ‘should’ then it can be ‘so profligate! They’re showing off!’, and/or ‘they should pay for me, after all they can afford it’. Conversely, if you don’t then it’s ‘stingy!’. Financial disparity can entirely change the dynamics of relationships, and as such, it’s hardly surprising that some prefer for their financial standing to remain private.

Also, there is a difference between net worth and liquid wealth.

What a nasty, mean-spirited "friend" you are.

Well exactly. No judgment here. Just saying ‘wealth’ doesn’t necessarily show in how you gift/dress/buy rounds of drinks. 100 percent behind handing down clothes.

I had been feeling quite good recently about money, as we pay off our mortgage later this year (house worth about £340k for context), and we will have a reasonable amount in savings. Now I just feel a bit Meh, as we will never attain anything like this
You're never going to be happy with this attitude. Seriously, what is the point?!
You said yourself you've been feeling fairly good recently as you're in a good position about to pay off your mortgage and have good savings.
Yet you go all "meh" and "s'not fair!" when you hear of others?!
Either bask in self inflicted "miseryness" or enjoy what you do have.

They is being tight and there is being fair. I assume you are not buying more drinks because you think that can’t afford it, you just want to have a good time and they are going along with it.

I think just knock the gift giving on the head. I think as an adult it’s tedious anyway, and she clearly values your friendship outside of the gifts you give her.

Start cutting back slowing on your spending with them. Determine what you are going to spend on a night out. You can’t help
how you feel if you are being more generous with less and there is no point pretending that it isn’t causing tension. au would feel the same in your situation.

Well done on your house. It’s a great achievement. You have security and that is fabulous.

You are definitely not unreasonable. That’s very mad and this thread is madder. So if My pal who lives next door in a house just like mine turns out to be a billionaire, this is no big deal and totally normal?

I do get why you would be shocked

however, by the sounds of things almost none of that company is liquid cash and they are just extracting a salary from it in the normal range so are not living any sort of rich lifestyle.

as for profit . It could be loss making (would need to see the accounts) despite the turnover. It could be very niche and hard to sell should they want to realise the value so effectively the assets are of no real value to them on a day to day basis. I assume all they will do is pass the company on to their children and the value of the assets aren’t realised. But yes technically they could if they needed to.

Remember they might have been gifted the company themselves but they are the ones keeping it going and maintaining the value which isn’t easy so I don’t think it’s fair to make out that somehow it’s easier for them just because they didn’t get it up from scratch!