Friend brainwashing child into 'mental illness'

[Jollyjupiter]

My daughter had a sleep over at our house with her friend (my friends daughter).
Both are 6yrs old.
My friend has suffered from 'mental illness' for as long as i've known her but has never seeked professional help, yet she considers her anxiety, trauma responses to be all consuming. I've g
ot to the point where i simply change the subject.

However, her 6yr old is now openly telling my daughter she is anxious and cannot do certain things as she finds them 'triggering'. This language has obviously been picked up at home.
I do not want my child to hear such words as at 6yrs she does not need to be around this.
Aibu to start to stop these playdates and sleepovers?

Just to add her child seems to be 'triggered' by anything she does not want to do.

I would explain to the mother what their child os saying and just say unfortunately it’s not a good idea to have your children play together anymore as it’s upsetting & confusing your child. She needs to know.

Of course she would, she’s learnt thats how she gets away with things.

Quite honestly I would give social services a call. If your friend is suffering from mental illness to the point it’s all consuming and her 6 year old is being affected, then she needs some support. It’s worrying for her child, who shouldn’t have to deal with that.

I would create distance between the children, yes. I think ultimately need to protect your own and there is very little you can do that would change the mothers attitude. I think you could have a wee word with school just so they know where it’s coming from, but aside from that a massive step back.

You sound horrible. There can be so many reasons people don’t seek help for their mental health issues. Fear of confronting the issue, fear of not being believed, fear of medication changing them, fear of therapy etc. You sound awfully judgemental.

I get it, it’s frustrating when someone you care about won’t seek help, and it’s tiring and you’re absolutely valid in wanting to cut ties to protect your child. But your post reeks of disdain for your friend. There’s literally no need to put ‘mental health’ in quotation marks like it’s a lie or all a bit joke. Just tell her you don’t think the friendship is working and you don’t feel your children can be friends anymore.

I would stop my child going or playing much with this other child. I would also make the school aware because this parents mental health is negatively affecting her child. Unfortunately the term anxiety and trauma are thrown around far to much now and used to describe normal responses to things.

That is concerning but I wouldn't stop her playing with your child; that seems very exaggerated. Your DC will take her cues from you, not from other children at that age. It's not going to start your own DC down a path of mental illness or fragility.

I’d see the Mum but not the child if that is possible. Otherwise yes I would stop them seeing each other. Also I’d be very jolly when hearing any language like that and change the subject or point out how easy it is.

How am i horrible not to want my child exposed to such learnt behaviour.
Her 6yr old child is not anxious, she has simply been conditioned to the language!

Yep, I'd swerve them. I wouldn't give a reason I'd just be unavailable, this will rub off on your dd if it continues.

I get that “triggered” is a slightly annoying buzzword, but she’s 6 so probably just mimicking her mum.

As for anxiety. I don’t think 6 is too young to learn about words for feelings. And I don’t think another poster’s suggestion of “jollying them out of it” is the right approach.

everyone feels anxious at certain points in their lives. Even 6 year olds. So being able to talk about the feeling without it becoming an all consuming thing I think is the right approach.

@Jollyjupiter actually its very likely her daughter is anxious, living with a parent who has mental health issues. That’s literally how mental health works? A lot of mental health is environmental/situational. Who are you to say her daughter isn’t an anxious little girl? Focus on your own child. If you don’t want to be around your friend and her daughter anymore then cut ties, but there’s no need to demean your friend at the same time?

You're not being unreasonable. I would want nothing to do with people like this. Feel very sorry for the child though.

The child literally said she has to watch certain tv shows before bed or she feels anxious. Eating vegetables mskes her anxious. It's a learnt excuse for always getting her own way.

i feel sorry for your friends child as she has had this behaviour modelled to her by her mum and will think it normal.
Its up to you what you do about it.
A) Discuss it with your friend and then decide how to proceed (your primary concern and responsibilty is to protect your child)
B) Model different behaviour when the child is at your house.
I had a similar situation where a friends child said similar things about being anxious and triggered.
On one ocassion when the child didn't want to clean her teeth in the morning and said it made her anxious and triggered,in this house we feel the fear and do it anyway if its good for us. She looked at me astonished and cleaned her teeth.
She seemed happy and well otherwise or i would have had compassion and explained to her mum what had happened.

@Jollyjupiter two things can be true at once. The girl can be anxious due to living 24/7 with a mentally ill parent, and she can also use mental health language out of context when she doesn’t want to do something. The world isn’t black and white and it’s concerning you don’t see that. You don’t sound like a very good friend.

I agree ‘triggered’ isn’t really a word I would expect children that young to be using and I feel like generally the word is overused anyway. It used to be something that was used in relation to significant trauma or mental illness but now seems to be used by people just in relation to things they don’t like or want to do. I have a colleague who stated she was ‘triggered’ by being asked to wash up because she used to have a flat share where nobody else pulled their weight and now she can’t bear having to do it.

I would definitely stop the sleepovers and probably pull back from play dates etc, 6 seems very young to be having sleepovers outside of family anyway especially for a child with anxiety.

Anxious children do exist, I was one and had to have certain routines to cope with it 🤷‍♂️

Are they at the same school?

My priority.is my daughter.

Really? She sounds like she’s protecting her young child!

There is a contagion effect with mental illness. I’d limit contact for my child’s sake - no 6 year old should be exposed to this therapy type language, it’s a horrible slippery slope.

I would raise it with school as someone else said, it sounds like the mother may need some support and guidance for her child’s sake.

@Jollyjupiter yes, so like I’ve repeatedly said, cut ties with this friend if you so wish. This is such a non issue. You could have realised you want to distance yourself and your daughter from this woman and her child and done so. The speculating and judgement about something you clearly have very little knowledge on is unnecessary and is painting you in a very bad light.

@Mengo i agree she should protect her daughter, I’ve repeatedly said she should limit contact. But it’s so unnecessary to basically make a mockery of mental health. The quotation marks, the claims that her daughter is manipulative etc are all so unnecessary.

She's copying her mother. No way would a six year old be coming out with stuff like this. I feel sorry for this girl but I wouldn't really want her near playing with my child. Are they in the same school? Could you speak to the teacher of your concerns?