Friend brainwashing child into 'mental illness'

[Jollyjupiter]

My daughter had a sleep over at our house with her friend (my friends daughter).
Both are 6yrs old.
My friend has suffered from 'mental illness' for as long as i've known her but has never seeked professional help, yet she considers her anxiety, trauma responses to be all consuming. I've g
ot to the point where i simply change the subject.

However, her 6yr old is now openly telling my daughter she is anxious and cannot do certain things as she finds them 'triggering'. This language has obviously been picked up at home.
I do not want my child to hear such words as at 6yrs she does not need to be around this.
Aibu to start to stop these playdates and sleepovers?

Huge apologies for that reference. It was @grapesstrawberriespleass who said that on page one. My mistake. Getting my organic usernames beginning with g confused.

I think we agree with each other.

It's draining being around people with many many illnesses. It's the language around them which differs.

It isn't socially acceptable to say someone with cancer is draining and then block and delete them. Yet that is what so many people's first reaction is when they hear about someone struggling with a mental illness.

For a start the OP called it 'mental illness' as if it doesn't even exist which is abhorrent.

My take in this situation isn't about the mother. She's not OPs responsibility. OP asked for advice about the 6 y/o daughter and I think it is astounding that so many people's first reaction would be to cut her off.

We've even had a teacher on this thread say it is completely normal for primary school kids to use words like anxiety and triggering now. It's part of the language for Gen Z and below.

The only crime the 6 y/o displayed is saying that her vegetables are triggering her. Most 6 y/o's say pretty stupid things - whether it be saying the word 'Poo' because it's funny or telling someone with acne they have got chicken pox. It's part of being 6.

The child will need friends and support.

I think you have a much more rose-tinted view of how people treat those with cancer and other physical illnesses and disabilities than had been my experience.

I'm sorry about your experience. I have no doubt people do treat others badly.

I just suspect they aren't so quick to boast about it and encourage others to do the same.

There seems to be a strange social acceptance of pretending all mental illnesses are made up for attention or to claim pip.

If using words like "anxiety" and " triggered" is part of the language for Gen Z and below, it shouldn't be. I am quite against pathologising normal human emotions.

Neither Op nor her daughter are obliged to provide that, and especially not when they don’t want to.

The mother has claimed to have mental health difficulties, but has never sought diagnosis let alone treatment. Instead, she wields ‘mental health’ as a tool to get what she wants, as if others are duty bound to pander to her because of it. Her daughter is now following in her footsteps.

They are the ones treating people badly, yet you seem to think that’s fine because ‘mental health’ gives someone free rein to behave however they want without challenge. It doesn’t.

In one post you asked: "Would you find a friend with cancer draining?
Would you find a friend with a brain tumour draining?
Would you find a friend with the after effects of a stroke draining?
Would you find a friend with dementia draining?"

In a later one, you say: "Of course living with someone with Dementia is draining. As is cancer. As is person recovering from a severe stroke.

You have told several others to be ashamed and called people nasty, horrible, immature, pathetic, bigoted and abhorrent. You told someone to "Get off Mumsnet... For fuck's sake".

Your core message of compassion for a vulnerable 6 year old girl (which I agree with btw) has been sadly hidden by the vitriol you've been spraying around the thread. Which is a pity really.

Maybe she is. She just gets on and deals with what life throws at her.

Look at the figure you quoted.....50%

That tells me its life, not an illness in a lot of cases. We need to recognise life is difficult and life can cause us to be unhappy. It doesnt necessarily mean we are ill

50% will get cancer, so according to you that tells me it's just life not an illness. We need to recognise life is difficult and life can cause us to be unhappy. It doesn't necessarily mean we are ill.

You've obviously never experienced a mental illness and are struggling to understand something you can't physically see. Perhaps a read through minds website would help?

You just don't seem to understand my point. I don't know how at this point? I feel like I'm just having to repeat myself.

Knowing someone with any illness can be draining. It's not socially accepted to say to ditch someone with cancer or a disability because they are 'draining'. I have no doubt people do it, but I suspect they don't encourage others openly to do so. Why is it acceptable to speak like that about someone struggling with their mental health?

My questions were to try and make the person think before they just call out anyone with a mental illness as being draining and not worthy of time.

A lot of people have wrote comments to me disagreeing with me and I have responded to each of them. I think it is incredibly bigoted the way many people still speak about as they call it 'mental illness'.

I'm not going to apologise for suggesting someone is horrible, immature, pathetic or nasty for encouraging the OP to cut off her daughter from a 6 year old child. A 6 y/o whose only crime is to use the words triggered and anxiety. A teacher has already confirmed those words are common in primary schools.

Imagine if everyone acted like the OP and others on this thread? A child at the age of 6 is isolated from friends due to their mum having mental health issues. What kind of world are we living in where that is how a child is treated? I've not seen a single thing from the OP to suggest that the child isn't a perfectly nice kid who likely needs some guidance and role models.

I'm willing to admit I shouldn't have bothered replying to half the posters. However, it absolutely amazes me that people STILL don't think mental illness is real.

“I'm not going to apologise for suggesting someone is horrible, immature, pathetic or nasty for encouraging the OP to cut off her daughter from a 6 year old child.“

Did anyone say you had to? 🤷🏻‍♀️

You are very welcome to think whatever it is you like, I doubt anyone actually cares enough to be offended by it.

Mental illness is real. Whether this particular woman’s supposed mental illness is real or not we don’t know, given that she’s never bothered to get either a diagnosis or treatment.

Regardless, she and her daughter are not OP’s problem. They are not owed her friendship or support.

Who said the daughter didn't want to? The daughter seems perfectly happy with her normal friendship. OP hasn't said anything to suggest otherwise that I've read.

You don't know the mother. You know OPs narration of the mother. Mental illness is rarely simple or straightforward and there is likely a huge number of factors at play. Regardless, how can you say the child is following the same path? She's 6 & at that age kids do and say stupid things.

I don't think any illness gives you free rein to act how I want. The only point I've made repeatedly is that:
a) you don't know what someone is going through
b) there is limited mental health support available in the UK without money (long waiting lists and area dependent)
c) the child is innocent in all this and deserves to be treated like any other child

I was responding to another poster....

The question was never is she OPs problem. I've never said she is OPs problem.

OP asked should she cut off the 6 year old child from being friends with her daughter because the child's mum has a mental illness. I have said that is unjustified.

I dont think you should judge the poor child. She has a mentally ill mum who clearly hasnt got the right boundaries about what shes saying around her child. Shes copying.

Claims to have a mental illness. That has never been diagnosed or treated because she’s never bothered to go to a doctor. Apparently it’s one of those mental illnesses that’s debilitating enough that everyone around her needs to bend to her will, yet not debilitating enough that it requires anything approaching medical attention and/or effort on her part. I notice you insist on ignoring that particular detail.

She may simply be manipulative, or she could have a personality disorder.

The child is following in her mother’s problematic footsteps. It may not be her fault, but that doesn’t mean OP’s daughter needs to be subjected to it

Because OP’s account is the only one we have, it’s the only one we can go on. Based on what OP has said, I think it’s perfectly justified in making the executive decision to remove both herself and her daughter.

We know what OP is going through, and that she doesn’t want to deal with this pair or have them influence her own child. We don’t need to know anything else.

I've not ignored it. OP has one version and gave very limited details of why she thinks that. She called the woman a friend in the title. Interesting way to speak about a friend.

The question was all about the daughter and my interest in the thread came from that.

I don't see the point of trying to diagnose a person none of us have met and we only have one very limited account to go on.

You haven’t addressed it at all! Rather than accept that OP’s account may just be accurate, given that she’s the one actually familiar with this woman, you’ve instead decided that she’s obviously lying and must be totally in the wrong.

You’ve created a narrative you prefer, in which OP is somehow morally bound to tolerate poor behavior from this woman and her child because they’re using ‘poor mental health’ as a trump card. As if she’s is terrible for not wanting her daughter used as a support animal. It’s fucking nonsense.

Yes I can hear myself and I stand by what I said.

I would not let my child hang around with a child like this at such a young age. There is absolutely no need for a child to be saying anything like this.