Friend brainwashing child into 'mental illness'

[Jollyjupiter]

My daughter had a sleep over at our house with her friend (my friends daughter).
Both are 6yrs old.
My friend has suffered from 'mental illness' for as long as i've known her but has never seeked professional help, yet she considers her anxiety, trauma responses to be all consuming. I've g
ot to the point where i simply change the subject.

However, her 6yr old is now openly telling my daughter she is anxious and cannot do certain things as she finds them 'triggering'. This language has obviously been picked up at home.
I do not want my child to hear such words as at 6yrs she does not need to be around this.
Aibu to start to stop these playdates and sleepovers?

This is the person I know. We all think Munchausens by proxy. When mum has had personal issues she has kept daughter off school. Mum has told daughter really inappropriate things about her personal life. It is very disturbing to watch play out in real time.

Another person who doesn't understand how mental health works 👏

Get off mumsnet and do some reading on mind and the NHS website. FFS

I would make a safeguarding referral to school so that they are aware and it can be addressed.

grapesstrawberriespleass
You sound horrible. There can be so many reasons people don’t seek help for their mental health issues. Fear of confronting the issue, fear of not being believed, fear of medication changing them, fear of therapy etc. You sound awfully judgemental.
I get it, it’s frustrating when someone you care about won’t seek help, and it’s tiring and you’re absolutely valid in wanting to cut ties to protect your child. But your post reeks of disdain for your friend. There’s literally no need to put ‘mental health’ in quotation marks like it’s a lie or all a bit joke. Just tell her you don’t think the friendship is working and you don’t feel your children can be friends anymore.

I actually disagree, on mn I usually call out people being bad friends/ sounding like they don’t care but as someone with mh issues that I laid on too much for my poor friends I don’t think op sounds like she is judging, at some stage people need a break from always hearing the worst. And her child shouldn’t be hearing words that are more for a counsellor/ psychologist or psychiatrist’s room. Both children need to be kids.

I agree with you about anxiety disorders, and them being used as a reason not to work. But feeling anxious and having an anxiety disorder are two entirely separate things.

A lot of people use the term anxious as a synonym for nervous. It doesn’t have to imply that person has a disorder that leaves them unable to do things.

So my 8 year old will say he she feels nervous about a particular thing. Ie I’m nervous to go to school.

But if she has that same feeling and she can’t explain why, she’ll tell me she’s feeling anxious. That language can then help us talk to her, find out why she’s feeling that way to hopefully find a resolution for her and send her on her way.

Why is it not appropriate to be judgemental? Everyone has judgement and uses it. You can't actually live a life without. You are always judging people, situations, etc as to whether they are safe or appropriate.
There is a definite issue here and while this woman refuses help it may be because like her daughter it's all made up because she sees it gets her sympathy or excuses from things. Why would a person refuse treatment if it was real? She's also committing a type of child abuse.
I'd definitely stop all contact between the children and tell both the kids and the mother why.

Apart from her child using words like “triggering” or “anxiety” when she doesn’t want to do something, what else is actually causing concern? The children I teach on a daily basis will often say they’re scared of a task or too tired to do it whenever given the opportunity, so using those words on their own is hardly a cause for concern.

And although the mother sounds like a self-absorbed narcissist with borderline tendencies, those personality traits are becoming fairly normal in today’s society. If your child is getting along well with the other child, and that child isn’t displaying any concerning behaviours beyond the two interesting words she’s picked up from her mother, I don’t see why you’d deprive both children of a friendship.

@Growingaseed i"m sorry but i have known this woman since she was 14. She is now in her 40s and has never once approached a medical professional about her issues. She likes to complain and talk about them a lot though. It is also why her husband left her and she has few friends. She drains everyone.

OP your child your choice. I have seen the damage that parents who constantly go on about mental heath and there "anxiety" have done to there own kids so would keep my kids well away from someone like this. I dont think unless you have met someone like this or being around them people realise how negative an impact it has on others. Children should not be subjected to it.

I don't think you're horrible, just frustrated and worn out from it all. My partner suffers from mental health issues and never sought help, he was diagnosed with BPD recently and only went to the Doctor because we kept on and on. the one thing the Doctor said was the majority of people don't seek help for mental health issues for many years if at all. You obviously can't cope with your friend, it's not easy to deal with, you said she's draining, my partner can be too it's hard but she probably can't help it, to be honest as it's making you unhappy and you have to consider your daughter first before anyone I would stop contact.

Again what a horrible attitude to have towards someone with mental health difficulties. You really are making yourself look like such a nice person OP.

Would you speak about someone with cancer as a drain? How about dementia or a disability?

Mental health illnesses have symptoms. Not all of them are easy. People communicate the pain and struggling they are experiencing. It can take a long time for people to find the help they need. In the UK there is very little help available unless you can pay.

Educate yourself and get some empathy.

Triggering is being used wrong. The whole point of acknowledging something triggering is that you acknowledge it to yourself think about why it is upsetting to you and then find away through it.

I’d knock this friendship on the head - it will do your child no good. Children copy behaviour from friends.

You have known all this For years.

This child is 6.

This child is 6. 6!!!

Living with a mother with a very serious
mental health illness

and you seem to think the 6 year old is just being a madam.

She drains everyone.

So stop socialising with her.
Stop hanging out.
stop organsing playdates
Stop giving her indirect access (via her child) to your child.

Super simple.

And @Jollyjupiter clear dislike for the 6 year old daughter drips off her posts.

Don’t put quotation marks around ‘mental illness’ - it’s stigmatised enough as it is.

There’s no need. And it’s pretty appalling.

would you do it for someone with ‘cancer’? No.

Vile.

Having said that o agree that her daughter’s now using mental ill health as an excuse to get whatever she wants.

This daughter is 6 years old and living with a mother with a long standing and extreme mental health illness. The poor young girl will be suffering

OP doesn't have to be a good friend but she does have to be a good mother to her child who is her first priority in this situation. If the friends child is showing manipulative behaviour for whatever reason then OP needs to ensure her child does not copy that behaviour. Also OPs child should not have to accommodate letting the friends child do whatever she wants just because she uses the word triggering to get her own way.

Hear! Hear!

A lot of mental health is environmental/situational. Who are you to say her daughter isn’t an anxious little girl?

You're getting confused. For something to be a mental health issue implies an atypical response. So being scared in a scary situation is not a mental health problem - its a completely normal emotional response. Being very depressed because your dad's passed away is not clinical depression, its a normal emotional response to bereavement.

Its when someone's reaction to things is disproportionate etc that there's a mental health issue - when they can't manage a normal level of life's ups and downs, when they find every day experiences stress or anxiety inducing.

Life is too short and your childs welfare too important. I would find a friend who went on like this to be draining and tbh wouldnt have much to do with her. In effect this would end the childrens friendship too.

But thats just me, people who go on like this get on my nerves.

…and empathy for the impact of this on OP and her daughter?

Op, you don’t have to bend over backwards accommodating weaponized ‘mental health’ not just to your detriment but to your daughters also.

Sorry what impact has there been on OP or her daughter!! Absolutely zero so far.

Sorry, let me correct myself, her daughter will lose a friend as a result of the OP.

How can a child 'weaponise' mental health. Listen to yourself.

STOP treating mental health like it's something nasty and contagious. Educate yourself. Learn that mental health reflects very real illnesses which can cause immense suffering. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

The symptoms aren't always easy but they deserve kindness and empathy.