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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old son stole my car and took it for a joy ride while were away

337 replies

Peoplearereallyweird · 17/04/2026 23:12

Name changed for this as could be outing and don't want it associated with my other posts.

Sorry posting for traffic - basically as the title says. Myself and my husband went away on our first holiday without DS1 (15) and DS2 (10) and MIL was looking after them while we were gone. Just got back and went to go out in my car today and noticed a couple of things felt "off" like the seat felt different, the radio was not on what it was normally and my husband noticed my exhaust was louder. When he checked it, it was broken. My MIL doesn't drive so I knew it wouldn't have been her so we checked the dash cam and to our horror, found our son had snuck out in the middle of the night while she was asleep and taken my car for a joy ride! DS1 is diagnosed ASD, very likely ADHD although not officially diagnosed yet but he knows right from wrong, there's no learning difficulties. He is in an alternative SEMH learning provision as he couldn't cope in mainstream, behaviour was not good at all and got so many suspensions but it took us years to fight for SEN place for him. He seemed to be doing well there to start but the last few months have been awful with his attitude and behaviour both in school and home. I've gone made at him tonight and so far I've removed his phone and gaming consol but he just doesn't seem to realise the seriousness of what he's done - he was lucky not to kill himself or someone else! I haven't yet called the police as I only found out a couple of hours ago so still trying to get my head around him being so stupid and reckless. I have a few friends who are officers - would you ask one of them to come and give him a talking too or make it offical and file a report? We feel like we're failing, even though everyone says we're "doing everything right", so also considering speaking with social services and asking school to see if they can arrange a pyschologist as I need to do something to address the underlying causes to his downward spiral. Just feel so lost right now

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 18/04/2026 08:46

I would get the police to talk to him. He needs to understand consequences. Also if course you are entitled to go on holiday without your kids! In fact it's good for them, and you. It's not like you left them unsupervised! Sometimes I am incredulous at 'rules' people put in place for themselves on Mumsnet. You did nothing wrong op!

Isheacheatingbastardthen · 18/04/2026 08:47

Peoplearereallyweird · 18/04/2026 07:13

@Moonnstarz yes I think they do as we're in a high county lines area, and I'm sure they've mentioned it in the past when he first started.

@Mummyoflittledragon he knows I lost a friend in a car accident when I was 17, a lad that was only a little older than he is now, along with 3 of his friends all 16/17 or 18.

@eurochick that's what we're not sure on. Nothing obvious on the footage so far but I still have more to view as it captures in 1 minute bursts and takes an age to download each one. Going to try and get DH to get the SD card out and read it that way. He must've gone over a speed bump hard or something (although he says no). Could be very unfortunate timing but it was fine the night before we left and not fine the day after we came back

OP you really need to inform the police. This is super serious. Imagine he had mowed someone down?! Better put the fear of god in him now. Do not sweeep this under the carpet.

Gassylady · 18/04/2026 08:48

I would report formally to the police. Hopefully that will be enough of a shock to control his impulsivity around this. Now you know he has done it once I would probably keep the keys in a lock box. But no one I know or have ever known routinely “store the keys securely”!!

I also think it is interesting that you are considering you have failed, what does your husband say about the matter.

Clearly neither of you anticipated he might do this and I would not of thought of it with my kids either.

Happyasapiginmuck1 · 18/04/2026 08:48

I'd be reporting it before the speeding tickets etc start coming in. He's driven without consent, no licence, no insurance. He's lucky he didn't injure himself or someone else. You need to be the responsible parent here.

amargaritaplease · 18/04/2026 08:48

Thefingerofblame · 17/04/2026 23:27

Why did you go on holiday without your kids? Could he just be acting out because you left him at home?

I would ask an officer friend, one he doesn’t know preferably, to come and have a stern word (put the gentle frighteners on him) and hopefully that will be enough.

Everyone is allowed one mistake (and fortunately no harm done on this occasion), you don’t want to give him a bad reputation (at school and else where) if he can correct his behaviour.

Edited

This is a seriously bad idea
do not put your friends in this position

Zippidydoodah · 18/04/2026 08:50

@ItsStillWork

your son planned this, it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing, he saw an opportunity was coming up and he planned this in advance. That’s not impulsive adhd, that’s knowing something is wrong, planning it anyway knowing his asd and adhd will be taken into account and he will get off lightly.

no, no, no.

you have a 9 year old with adhd so please don’t think that this couldn’t have been entirely impulsive.

I’m soooo bored. Oh! Mum and dad aren’t here! I can drive their car!

Also, please expect your son to completely blindside you when he’s a teen, despite how many courses you’ve been on.

whatwasthatnoise · 18/04/2026 08:52

Had he apologised to his Nan? Does he realise how upset she is?

PropertyD · 18/04/2026 08:53

Thefingerofblame · 18/04/2026 00:06

He’s at a special school, so allowances should be made. At least the first time.

Show quote history

Would you have that attitude if they had run over and crashed into one of your loved ones?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/04/2026 08:54

Thefingerofblame · 17/04/2026 23:27

Why did you go on holiday without your kids? Could he just be acting out because you left him at home?

I would ask an officer friend, one he doesn’t know preferably, to come and have a stern word (put the gentle frighteners on him) and hopefully that will be enough.

Everyone is allowed one mistake (and fortunately no harm done on this occasion), you don’t want to give him a bad reputation (at school and else where) if he can correct his behaviour.

Edited

This is ridiculous! Why is that relevant?

And ‘everyone is allowed one mistake’ - what if he had killed someone? Which he could easily have done esp as he’s so impulsive and clearly not a good driver? Would that have been his one mistake?

And getting a friend to put the frighteners on him - he’s ADHD. not stupid.

PropertyD · 18/04/2026 08:55

Why does he not recognise how serious this is?

ERthree · 18/04/2026 08:55

Doggodoggo · 17/04/2026 23:43

How does he know how to drive a car at 15?

Seriously ! 100s of cases of under 16s taking cars without consent, youngest was 10

Mcdhotchoc · 18/04/2026 08:57

Having worked in insurance for years, this does happen. Often it does not end as well as this.
In your shoes I would absolutely get someone round to put the fear of God into him.

dovesquare · 18/04/2026 08:58

I’d report it OP. He needs to know how serious this is.

To those asking about driving at 15, give your head a wobble. There are kids driving days on race tracks etc. Come and live rurally and you’ll see kids from ages 10 onwards driving tractors and quad bikes. DS started working on a building site at 16 and was driving a JCB.

pictoosh · 18/04/2026 09:01

The teen years can be interesting.

Anyway, all these posters urging you to get the police involved wouldn't do that if it were their own 15 yr old son.
Easy to be gleeful and aroused by the wrongdoing of someone else's 15 wayward cherub and advise strongly.

Mumsnet isn't always the best place for advice on parenting tbh. Too much revelling in the transgressions of other people's kids imo.

Meeeli · 18/04/2026 09:02

NC for this… I also did this when I was 16 (near 30 years ago) my mum and dad were away and my dear grandmother was watching me. I took the car out and met some friends, got home and thought nothing of it. Neighbours had saw me and told my dad who went crazy, dragged me to the police station where I got an almighty talking to from the local police sergeant. (Dad knew him well) Never ever did it again. Things have probably changed so I perhaps wouldn’t involve the police now as they will be duty bound to investigate…but without witnesses or evidence, it will unlikely go anywhere. Bear in mind too that you would be liable for permitting no licence/insurance if you report him or he would be potentially prosecuted for those offences. I would perhaps thank your lucky blessing no one was hurt, put some punishments in for him and lock the keys up in future.

AStonedRose · 18/04/2026 09:05

This is insanely dangerous. There was a real risk that someone could have been killed.

He needs to be arrested and prosecuted. Possibly a lifetime ban from driving. The posts downplaying this are very, very worrying.

AStonedRose · 18/04/2026 09:06

Meeeli · 18/04/2026 09:02

NC for this… I also did this when I was 16 (near 30 years ago) my mum and dad were away and my dear grandmother was watching me. I took the car out and met some friends, got home and thought nothing of it. Neighbours had saw me and told my dad who went crazy, dragged me to the police station where I got an almighty talking to from the local police sergeant. (Dad knew him well) Never ever did it again. Things have probably changed so I perhaps wouldn’t involve the police now as they will be duty bound to investigate…but without witnesses or evidence, it will unlikely go anywhere. Bear in mind too that you would be liable for permitting no licence/insurance if you report him or he would be potentially prosecuted for those offences. I would perhaps thank your lucky blessing no one was hurt, put some punishments in for him and lock the keys up in future.

There are witnesses, his parents, and there is dash cam footage.

Unless the OP is willing to lie by omission to the police, and to the rest of society, then a prosecution would be straightforward.

CaptainMyCaptain · 18/04/2026 09:07

Doggodoggo · 17/04/2026 23:43

How does he know how to drive a car at 15?

Back in the 70s I knew a 15 year old who actually owned a car, obviously it was untaxed and uninsured. He broke down on the motorway once and police came to his aid. He managed to style it out and didn't get caught on that occasion. I have no idea what became of him

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 18/04/2026 09:09

I wonder if those advocating for a bit of a telling off would feel the same if he had run over one of their loved ones.

OP sounds like she is doing a great job under crappy circumstances

Smallorveryfaraway · 18/04/2026 09:11

I'd be focusing on how much he's upset you and MIL.
I'd have a discussion with him about wether to go to the police in case something did happen and it's better to own up first before the police are at the door or a speeding fine comes through and ask him to choose what he wants to do about it now (ie go to the police of his own accord or let you sit with the anxiety for a month or two).
If ask MIL to talk to him about how upset she is, and how she now doesn't trust him, or herself to look after him properly.
Show him the consequences of his actions, have him decide how he deals with it whilst laying out the results of each choice. Let him be aware of the disappointment and upset he has caused.
Don't fix this for him, he did the thing, give him the responsibility of sorting it out.

Pocahontasandme · 18/04/2026 09:12

I did this loads of times when I was a kid

Gassylady · 18/04/2026 09:13

@pictoosh I absolutely would do it for my own kids. I have seen the dreadful results of such “joyrides” many times over the years -in a work setting. When the media say “life changing injuries” what they often mean is limb amputated by the accident, or to extract person from the vehicle, see that far less often these days TBF. Or sometimes it “just” means a paralysing spinal injury.

Bundleflower · 18/04/2026 09:14

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/04/2026 23:46

Bollocks. How does he know how to drive?

My kids know how to drive. I’m not sure that aspect is so unbelievable.

pictoosh · 18/04/2026 09:16

Gassylady · 18/04/2026 09:13

@pictoosh I absolutely would do it for my own kids. I have seen the dreadful results of such “joyrides” many times over the years -in a work setting. When the media say “life changing injuries” what they often mean is limb amputated by the accident, or to extract person from the vehicle, see that far less often these days TBF. Or sometimes it “just” means a paralysing spinal injury.

Aye. I said what I said.

Forthesteps · 18/04/2026 09:17

pictoosh · 18/04/2026 09:01

The teen years can be interesting.

Anyway, all these posters urging you to get the police involved wouldn't do that if it were their own 15 yr old son.
Easy to be gleeful and aroused by the wrongdoing of someone else's 15 wayward cherub and advise strongly.

Mumsnet isn't always the best place for advice on parenting tbh. Too much revelling in the transgressions of other people's kids imo.

Yup. And of course faux naively pointing the finger at OP.
Makes me wish karma was real.

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