AIBU to feel slightly uneasy that my DS didn’t go to University?

[CotswoldConundrum]

He’s 21 working in IT, earning just over £30k and has been with the same company since starting as an apprentice at 17, so on paper he’s doing very well and I am proud of him.

I think it’s more that I wonder whether he’s missed out on the wider experience and keeping options open, rather than anything academic. He seems perfectly happy, so I’m conscious this may just be my own bias, as I went to University and so did his Dad (Not my DH now)

AIBU to feel like this or should I just take it as a win and leave it be?

21 and £30k is perfectly decent and respectable. IT is a technical skill and he's probably learning well on the job.

He'll have scope to progress once he finished the apprenticeship. He'll be on a lot more. He's earning now and doesn't have to pay back student debt.

My DC will be doing a degree apprenticeship next academic year after finishing their A-levels and will be starting on a similar amount.

Sounds like he’s doing great. Is he happy? My ds21 hated university and left after 3 months. Started an apprenticeship and never looked back. He’s happy out working every day and only has one phase of college left. University not for everyone and I’m not sure the experience is what it used to be tbh.

Nothing to worry about at all, people just have different inclinations. My dad was the same and seemed to feel some sort of shame that I didn’t go to university, the truth is I hated school and college and always knew I would thrive more in a working environment so thought those three years would be better spent gaining experience. I never understood the premise of “experiencing” student life as for me the focus would still have to have been on studying, exams, dissertations etc and there was no guarantee that I would have even used that degree anyway. I subsequently ended up starting in an industry at 20 which I’m still in now, I work at operations level and earn over £70k a year, I also completed a masters degree alongside work a few years ago so I can say for certain that this was definitely the right path for me. I’m sure your son feels the same!

Out of interest, what did he do as an apprentice? 65K at 25 sounds fantastic!

My eldest is 16 and starting to think seriously about what he wants to do.

YABU because he is earning money and doesn't have £60K of debt. I would have advised DD to do an apprenticeship, but unfortunately she wants to study Acting, so has to go to Uni.

I personally feel that we have got to the point of trying to fit too many square pegs into round holes - different paths suit different people.

Sounds like he’s doing brilliantly- be proud! And relieved he hasn’t got a huge debt.

It’s funny. When my kids were younger, I just assumed they’d both go because they’re both reasonably able and their Dad and I both got degrees.

But by the time they were finishing school and college, I found myself actively hoping they wouldn’t go! The cost of it is astronomical now. It’s definitely no longer something you do just because you can…which is kind of why I went. My degree didn’t help me get a well paid job, but at least I graduated with only a tiny debt that was easily paid off.

My eldest did her A Levels 3 years ago but is only just this year going to University. She will be living at home as it’s a local Uni, and fees are partially funded by NHS bursary so she won’t need to get into loads of debt.

Younger DC is just finishing college and has done a niche, quite practical course rather than A Levels, so I’m hoping he won’t choose Uni- not just because of the cost but because I don’t think he’ll need it for the careers he is interested in. Both DC look to be heading into fields that couldn’t easily be replaced by AI which is a comfort.

For a lot of peeps unless they have a defined career path they want to follow, uni just seems a waste of money and debt.

Things are changing every day in IT especially with AI taking a lot of grunt work over.

The good thing about the IT industry is that once you have experience under your belt, no one cares about a degree.

People go into education at all ages, it's not a now or never situation so if he wants to look at it, let him in his own time. If he is happy, let him be.

Well I'm 53 and have a degree and a postgrad and a professional level 4 qual and I'm on 26k, if that helps.

And don't forget that in some subjects the tuition only happens on a couple of days a week!
Not worth getting into debt for frankly.
In the end we decided it was cheaper for DD to do B&B a couple of nights a week and be at home the rest of the time!

He still has the option to go to university at any age, and he may even get it funded by his employer. Better to be working and progressing in the field he enjoys then choosing a course that is most useful to him, rather than choosing something random.

I have two degrees my husband has none and he earns way more than double what I earn…he works in IT too.

@CotswoldConundrum personally earning is better than university for many subjects these days

It may be true that OP is rueful that her son didn't get the experience she had at university.

But a) That wouldn't be the same experience that he would have got, just because, well times change. Anyway, didn't he dodge the Covid bullet at uni
b) The OP didn't have to pay through the nose.

So it's a bit like a mother regretting that her son never got to see the Beatles/Blondie or whatever was the band of her time, when growing up. It just isn't the same anyway.

The late author Len Deighton was asked if he missed London (he lived in California in later life), and he said that the London he loved was in the 1960s and he couldn't go back to that even if he wanted to.

My dd went to uni did her first year all going great then her from died so she didn't go back for her second year. She did a few temping jobs, one at a university who loved her. She is now heading a team at a university, no degree and earning over 60k at age 29

Things change, University has been ruined by fees and loans. It’s just not worth it for a lot of people now.

He’s still young and could take 6 months or a year out to travel if he wanted to, or work abroad with his skills.

You are certainly partially right. More people having degrees obviously makes tbem less exclusive. And I think you’re right to say they are no longer a guarantee of good earnings - although that must be at least partly due to the nature of the jobs market and also very variable depending on what your have studied and probably where you have studied too. First in physics from Imperial College - I’d like to bet you stand an incredibly high chance of a good job. A lower second in theatre studies from Arts University Plymouth, then it will more likely be a struggle.

However, I’m pretty sure that graduates do, on average, still earn more than non graduates.

A degree is about far more than getting a job. Apart from higher earnings, graduates have numerous other more positive outcomes than the rest of the population, which I would guess is due to their greater skills in areas such as critical thinking, analysis, problem solving, which are the type of soft skills that you learn on a degree. I have certainly read, for example, that graduates live longer and have better health, on average.

A 21 year old just joined our Data team, he has over £50K of student debt. I actually felt sick when he told me (I hid my horror).

He’s unfortunately not even on 30K despite working in London.

I thought all London grads started on £30k at a minimum

Think of him with 60k of never ending debt. That should help you be happier with his situation. Sounds like he's doing very well

I think he's doing great and there are always opportunities to train and learn more with IT! Not everything has to include a degree.

At least he isn't saddled with a debt the size of a mortgage deposit!

I went to a fairly decent uni and have a good degree - I'd advise my daughter to think very carefully about going when her time comes.

You’re probably a similar age to me so brought up in the era of free uni (not by the time I actually went) and Blair’s everyone should go to uni stance. In reality, uni is only helpful in specific careers. Dd1 is going in September and wants to work in biological science research so it’s a no brainer. For IT, by the time you leave uni, it’s all moved on. Learning while working in the industry sounds much more sensible.

What is there to feel uneasy about he has a job earning money. How many 21 year olds who have graduated / due to graduate have been unable to find a job and are sat at home struggling. Read the multiple threads on Mumsnet and they will make you feel uneasy for those who can’t get a job despite multiple applications. Uni isn’t for everyone and in this current environment be pleased for your son he has a job and is thinking about next steps and a career good on him. A degree is no guarantee of employment at the moment or a “graduate salary” .