AIBU to feel slightly uneasy that my DS didn’t go to University?

[CotswoldConundrum]

He’s 21 working in IT, earning just over £30k and has been with the same company since starting as an apprentice at 17, so on paper he’s doing very well and I am proud of him.

I think it’s more that I wonder whether he’s missed out on the wider experience and keeping options open, rather than anything academic. He seems perfectly happy, so I’m conscious this may just be my own bias, as I went to University and so did his Dad (Not my DH now)

AIBU to feel like this or should I just take it as a win and leave it be?

I don’t think you have anything to worry about. University has become so diluted that it’s only a matter of time before it ceases to have worth as a marker at all. I don’t think we’re quite there yet but it can’t be far away.

Sounds great, my eldest went to uni (I really didn’t want them to do their course but they were insistent), and is now struggling to start a career. Yes it’s a great time for most, but it doesn’t always lead to a decent job.
£30k is a decent wage at 21 esp if living at home. He may hit a ceiling without a degree but he could always do one at a later date.

Have you spoken with him about the possibility of doing a part time Degree while working? He is earning well for his age, but I would be concerned that without a Degree his earnings may stagnate.

He’s left my home, and is living with his Dad in Lincolnshire - which is fine!

I imagine if he was in London, his role would be closer to the £35k-£40k range.

Sounds like he's doing brilliantly to me. And the advantage he has now is that if he ever wants to go to university in the future he won't have used up his shot at student funding etc, so he's doing well and still has lots of options open to him for the future.

Yeah it’s really sad now. University is just a thing you have to do as many jobs require it. It isn’t special particularly and whilst I learn a bit of knowledge, I already had all my writing and presentation skills from school. It was just a tick box exercise. I could have learnt everything from YouTube these days. I’d always much prefer someone who got stuck into work and did study evenings and weekends to get a qualification.

More and more youngsters are doing apprenticeships now, so it’s not so unusual. Nine years ago, when my son did one, he was probably the only one in his year, and was used as an example to younger students in the school, of alternative routes than uni.

I think he’s going well for himself. He’s got several years work experience compared to his uni peers.

I also have a what-if for my dc , and think some aspects of uni life would have benefited him, but you can’t change history.

My dad didn't go to uni and ended up being one of the worlds leading concrete specialists. At retirement he was one of the directors of a global civil engineering firm. He did all of his qualifiactions on the job.

I went to uni and did 2 years but gave it up to care for my mother when she had cancer as my dad was working overseas and earning a ton. Didnt go back to finish so am degree-less and working in a completely unrelated field anyway - which i'm well paid for and came to through a hobby.

Uni isnt the be all and end all if he's intelligent and motivated OP.

I went to uni, got a good degree & have worked in a related'ish' area ever since but am thrilled that neither of my DC went to uni. For the vast majority its a complete waste of time, costs an absolute fortune and they don't end up with a better career than those who didn't go.

My oldest DCs friends have now all finished their degrees and none of them has got a comparable job to my DC who started a non trade related apprenticeship at 18, now has several years of experience in his chosen career as well as a related qualification.

One of my friends works in recruitment and says there are very few jobs where a degree is considered more important than work experience - even if the work isnt directly inked to the role they are applying for. Employers much prefer to employ someone with a provable work history & transferrable skills than a degree in a subject with limited/no work experience (obviously there are some careers where a degree is necessary but not all!)

@CotswoldConundrum at 21 he's taking home ~ £2k per month, gaining experience and living with family. eta; extra details

Dinnae worry hen 🌻

It's really good for 21! Im only on 33K and I went to uni and have 10 years experience under my belt! Charity sector comms jobs :( absolutely dire.

He's doing amazingly well and also has the benefit of no student debt. Hes still so young he could easily travel, retrain in a different sector etc in the coming decade if he wants more of the uni style experience. Plus hes got a highly sought after skill.

I know someone who was in uni for 3 years, came out hasn't used the degree. He only went becausehe was 'encouraged ' by his mum, and is in a mim wage job, but he's happy and in a house share.

Neither of my sons went to uni, both earning just shy of 40 grand, 19 and 21. Uni isn't for everyone. The youngest is training and will end up with a degree through work eventually. We are in London.

I should probably add that he’s had two promotions in the last four years as well, so he has progressed quite steadily since starting.

He’s also mentioned that longer term he’d like to move towards architect-type roles within IT, so he does seem to have a clear direction in mind.

What do mean by ‘diluted’?

I went to uni and had no idea what to do when I left. I ended up starting at a company in the call centre and worked my way up. I’m doing well without the need for my degree.

For me, the benefit of doing a degree was the gateway to move out of home at an early age, as I didn’t like living at home and haven’t moved back in since.

I wouldn’t want my kids living with me for years when they are grown up.

My son is nearly 18 and in an apprenticeship working a trade. I’m glad he didn’t go to uni. He’s earning and has good prospects and the big win is no student debt

I only started earning over 30k a year ago due to pay rises and promotion two and a half years ago, and I'm 41. So for a 21 year old he's doing very well.

I was so pleased that my DS didn’t. He has a couple of friends who have very specific degrees and are now quite high earning, but equally has other friends who are on minimum wage with all that debt, whereas DS (25), and has 7 years work experience and no debt. He is also the cohort that would have experienced uni during Covid, had he gone, so not exactly the uni experience that people are generally hoping for.

Experience in the field is better than uni without the debt! So many go further three years thinking they’ll have an advantage only to find themselves struggling to get a job they consider worthy of a graduate and in debt. Your YP is ahead of the game. When it comes time to move on it’s this work that will get him the next job, not a degree.
Anyway, what do you expect to change? Do you want him to go now and get a degree? I just do not see the benefit unless it’s a particular skill he’s lacking.

my eldest didn't go to uni, he did an apprenticeship and is now on 65k at age 25, no debt

When I went to university there were no fees, you got a student loan but it was relatively modest. In those days it was fine to go for the experience. I wouldn’t go for the experience now; in fact I’d only go now if I had a very specific career path in mind that required degree-level qualifications.

The two people who I know who earn most and are most “senior” in their organisations, neither went to university. Both work in IT.

In the field I work in, our apprenticeship candidates are generally much more naturally talented than our graduate trainees, and I much prefer working with them. They get to the same place as graduates, albeit over a longer period, but without the debt.

Op your son sounds like he’s doing brilliantly.
I pleaded with my dc not to go to university. Neither were interested in academic work and dh and I thought they’d be better off going abroad and learning another language and/or learning a skill.
They refused to listen and insisted on going as that’s what their friends were doing.
What a waste of time and money (though they enjoyed themselves and made lots of friends).

Huge numbers going there, them becoming a requirement for ordinary jobs, their role as international student farms. Also the fact that they’re no guarantee of good earnings anymore.

They can’t remain a signal of high achievement or status when that’s their reality.

I feel uneasy that both my DDs went to uni, have 60k debt each and both now working jobs that didn’t require a degree (one well paid, one not)