Son and his money!

[Happyhorse222]

Good Morning,

Need some advice on what others would do with the following:

DS- 21 in a trade earning £480 a week paid weekly- sometimes more if he works a Saturday. We told him to pick a bill to pay so he covers the wifi and water bill.

Me/ dad cook for the entire family in the evenings (we really enjoy it as a couple), so whilst he knows how to cook and helps us occasionally I still do all the family meals so he only has to buy extra snacks for himself that he wants outside of my normal food shop.

He is up at 6am finishes at around 11am- does come home and clean/tidy up, does his washing etc but that's by the by he should be doing that at 21 anyway.

Unfortunately after a year of work he has only saved £750. Told us he is spending on food at work- taking gf out etc.

He wants to buy a house and absolutely can by late 20's if he saved. But he isn't. He is regularly out of money before the next Friday. He keeps saying he wants to but just doesn't!

Husband is saying he will be telling him from Friday he is to pay us £200 rent a week, which leaves him £280 per week for his own spending.

This money we would be taking in rent will be going into our savings account to save pretty much on his behalf and give back to him.

I haven't been in this situation before and would obviously like to help him save but I also don't want to baby him. My other kid has saved birthday/ Christmas money religiously and has a frigging budget sheet per month with her job and I gave them both the same upbringing so it's driving me insane he keeps saying he wants to do it and then not doing it, but I am also blue in the face from the MULTIPLE conversations/ suggestions we have made and had for him to save.

He has 0 to pay for so is this a reasonable way of doing something he will thank us later for or are we just teaching him we will sort out any problems he has and never have to do it himself. Will be taking the bills he pays back into our finances should we charge the rent instead.

Aghhhh parenting!

So then he doesn’t stand much chance of moving out, does he

My son (nearly 18) works in a trade an apprentice. He earns £300pw. He transfers me half every week which I put in a savings account for him. He’s already bought himself driving lessons and a car now he has passed. He’s saving for his future.

@caringcarer No one pays over £800 per month rent.

Unfortunately that is just not true. This week I was searching for one bed flats in the north east (city centre and the area I grew up in) and many were asking near to 1K or more :-(

I meant no one pays over £800 per month to rent a room in their parents house which is what OP would be charging. He could rent a room in a shared house for less than this utility bills included.

I'm not sure what point you're trying to prove or score from me with this constant questioning.
However, he's currently 21, so maybe isn't looking to move out just yet; he's starting to save £7K a year; this will accumulate in three years or so and be enough for a deposit; maybe he'll start working Saturdays and up his savings even more; maybe he won't. I'm not invested in what he does really...

I would charge him some rent and also show him the government help to save scheme - and also Monzo has a savings scheme that for every 1p you put in they add 5% interest (but you can put in up to 4p per day and then it increases by 4p a day - and then you save approx £2600 across a year). It starts small and might feel easy for him but has a daily input check so he might feel more motivated to do it? You do have to pay £3 a month for additional Monzo membership but is worth it in my opinion as you get a big insight into your spending and that might help him as well to see what he’s spending on? You can link all your bank accounts together so personally I find it really useful. I used to really struggle to save in my 20s and didn’t have much of a concept of money!

I also think - because you didn’t take any money off your daughter for rent - that he might be a little resentful if you start taking rent off him - so you either need to present it as ‘we need rent for us as can’t afford to pay by ourselves anymore’ OR open a separate savings account (not the GOV help to save as that would be for him) and maybe put it in there to give back to him when he moves out so he doesn’t feel that he’s lost out/that there’s been favouritism. But I do think there need to be conditions that he saves himself as well with the help to save ISA and the monzo. And maybe a chat that him and his girlfriend start paying equally for things sometimes! Less takeaways… that he needs to take this seriously otherwise he is never going to leave home

My sister lived at home until over 30. Our parents took a minimal amount of rent off her, saved it and gave it all back when she moved out. (She got married and the DH already had a house). She blew the lump sum and is appalling with money, because she never learned to budget.
I would help DS make a spending tracker on a spreadsheet- he needs to see exactly what is coming in and going out, and what he is wasting. Then he needs to set some goals for his future, and be excited about them. He could be loaded in his 40s if he gets some compound interest going now. (I wish very much that a parent or adult had explained that to me at that age). He should pay into the house but if you just save cash for him like a child you’re parentifying him iykwim.

Me either … and I haven’t asked you anything. You don’t know him so I wouldn’t be asking you questions 🤷🏻‍♀️

He’s working less than 25 hours pw if he doesn’t get up till 6 and finishes at 11.

He's not paid by the hour, he's paid by the job. Him and his boss seem to work quickly so usually knock of early. Why is that so hard to understand?

Well, this looks like a question to me from you, even if you didn't use a question mark.

"So then he doesn’t stand much chance of moving out, does he"

No, it was a statement. Does he wasn’t a question … no question mark, it was a remark at the end of comment.

Nobody pays £800 rent? Sometimes I think we need a "hollow laugh" emoji. Tell me you've never lived in London (and much of the SE) without, etc. He'll have the choice - to do as she says or move out and learn for himself what living independently costs. If he doesn't want to listen to her when she's trying to help, being "driven away" for a bit (and then maybe having to come back and agree to follow house rules) might be the lesson he needs.

He does need to stand on his own two feet, but if his mother can help him out by giving him a deposit when he's ready for his own place (from the rent money she's saved up), she'll be doing him a giant favour.

I think you're doing him a massive favour doing this. He might be an adult at 21 but 21 year olds can still be very naive and parenting doesn't just stop when they turn 18.

The longer he goes on frittering away £21k a year the more he will get used to the lifestyle that provides. He'll find it difficult to adjust to real life when he moves out if it carries on.

... OK, but 5 hours a day is still a part time job.

Has he considered going full time? It's crazy how much he is earning at his age just for part time work.

I think the full time options isn’t there, unless I have picked this up incorrectly?

Gramatically, "does he" only makes sense if it's a question. Otherwise, it's just an incomplete phrase eg "Does he like cheese".

That’s not how having a job works, though. Why should he be punished for having a well paid job? If he was earning twice as much would you be charging him £1600 a month?

Try google … but anyway, this is kind of boring now. See ya!

Yep! I googled it before my last post.

Obs not properly

Google:
"Technically, no. In standard English grammar, the phrase "does he" at the end of a sentence creates a tag question, which requires a question mark to function correctly."
I rest my case...

Thought you were going? You are right it is boring, not to mention unnecessary, childish and a tad pathetic.

I just wanted to clear up the grammatical issue but while I'm here I may as well add that you were the one saying "see ya" and that it's boring.
I agree that we have both been a tad pathetic etc. so let's leave it here. Unless you want the last word 😂