To think that my daughter should get the bedroom she wants?

[JMSA]

My daughter will soon be going into her second year of university, and will share a private let with one of her current student accommodation ‘flatmates.’
They viewed a property today but can’t agree on who should get the en-suite bedroom, which is sort of set on a floor of its own. Sounds grander than it is, but you get the gist!
My daughter is happily single and this is unlikely to change. Her flatmate-to-be is in an established relationship and it’s likely that he will be visiting lots (he’s a fellow student).
Daughter is an anxious soul, bless her, and she’d really value some privacy away from the couple.
Also there’s the fact that he will no doubt shower there sometimes, charge his phone, etc, so add to the energy bills. I should stress that he will definitely have his own place, but realistically speaking, will stay over there sometimes.
I will leave it to the girls to sort, and ultimately this is a life lesson for my daughter, in advocating for herself. I have told her my opinion and she agrees.
Would she be unreasonable to push for her first choice of bedroom?
Thanks.

Wouldn't it be better for the couple to have the unsuite? They'll probably hang out in that section most of the time so your DD would have the rest of the place. A coin toss is in order I think!

No I don't think that is a good enough reason, each will have their own bedroom and bathroom essentially won't they, so it won't make much difference really. If the ensuite room is particularly larger and nicer then perhaps whoever has it should pay slightly more.

They flip a coin or have an auction that whoever pays more rent per month gets first choice.

Nothing you've said means she 'should' get the en suite

I'd expect different rooms to cost different amounts. An ensuite room should be 25% more than a basic room. And I'd set the expectation that if a third person will be staying regularly, that person chips in £5 towards water & electricity every time he stays. Or contributes milk, bread and tea bags for the communal cupboard.
Get these things agreed from the start.

I agree with you. However I can imagine that her flatmate might feel that she could argue that because he might be staying over sometimes it makes sense for her to have the en-suite so they are ‘contained’ and you don’t have to share the main bathroom with someone else. (I’m not saying that’s right btw).

Having been single for quite a while, I would say that time and time again in society I see couples having more ‘currency’ in life simply because they are in a couple. Like their opinions are worth more and they have more clout’. It’s not right and he won’t be paying the rent!

We had this (many years admittedly) when I moved in with my flatmate. I paid a minimal amount more than my flatmate and had the en-suite as she had a slightly lower budget and so that was easily dealt with. I absolutely loved my en-suite I have have to say!

Agreed it’s for her to sort out but yes it’s not something that she wants to start creating resentment about before they have even moved in. I totally agree that she should stick to her guns putting forward coherent reasoning.

If they really can’t agree then I guess it’s down to flipping a coin.

That argument doesn’t stack up really as the boyfriend would be using the ensuite if they had the ensuite room, so she wouldn’t be sharing the bathroom with him either way. If they both want it they need to toss a coin.

It stacks up to me because it’s difficult to gatekeep a main bathroom in the same way as an en-suite. If memory serves me, the main bathroom is right beside the living room. Even if they agree that the main bathroom is my daughter’s, you can bet your bottom dollar that others are going to end up using it at some point as it’s ‘just next door.’

She is your child so yes ypu think she should have first choice because parenrs can always come up with reasons why they should, no i dont see this is a reason why

And yes she is old enough to sort it out herself so as you know this there is no need to think more

I had this exact situation in year 2 of my degree, I had a boyfriend and my flatmate was single so we made the plan that the first year I would have the energy suite and the following year we'd swap. So that's what we did. My boyfriend was only there 1 night a week, I stayed at his 1 night a week and the rest of the time I was at uni or work.

What we swapped rooms I was acynewly single while she got together with her now husband and they had the ensuite. And that's just how things panned out for us all. It was grand. Alternatives we talked about were splitting the rent differentky for the person with the en suite but the previous year she'd had a much bigger room and we'd split evenly so didn't go down that route.

Speaking as a veteran of many years of flat shares, have an agreement for how often the BF can stay over before being required to contribute to joint bills / possibility of veto.
I wouldn’t expect first choice on rooms, but best of 3 on rock / paper / scissors.

Doesn’t bode well for the flat share if they can’t settle this. I think your DD may want to rethink whether she wants to sign up for this flat.

I actually disagree - I would think it is more logical for the couple to have the ensuite...

But in reality, they aren't a couple in terms of tenancy, it is just 2 girls, who have an equal right to it.

First, establish how much more the person with the ensuite will pay (as a student I always chose the worse room, just because I wanted to pay less...)

If that doesn't resolve it, and neither will back down, then either:

A, look for a more fair/equal flat where they can both get what they want
or
B, draw lots... randomize it, roll a dice, draw a card, etc.

Of course it stacks up to you, you're obviously biased. I also don't think the bf should be considered unless he is going to start paying, in which case they should have it.
I think the en suite is worth more. Could they split the rent 60/40 if they both really want it. If they have to pay 50/50 the fairest way is probably to flip a coin for it.

Flipping a coin and agreeing to swap rooms at the mid point would probably be the fairest option. Hopefully the flip will go in her favour and by the time the swap comes everyone will feel too settled to want to bother!

Thanks everyone. Appreciate your thoughts. Looks like it’s a coin toss or slight rent increase for the en-suite room!

Draw straws. Agree that whoever doesn’t get the en-suite has (mostly) exclusive use of the other bathroom.

They also need a discussion about how much he will stay over and how much she will go over to his house - she may only be there half the time so it would even out in the end. Also, they’re second year students. They may well have broken up by September.

They can and will settle it. It’s hardly fisticuffs at dawn … yet 😉

I actually agree with this. If they already can't agree no matter how minor a disagreement then living together especially if there are no boundaries regarding the partner staying is likely to lead to a very uncomfortable year.

Regarding the ensuit room it should definitely cost more so whoever gets it should pay more of the rent. However, I would be encouraging her to find alternative flatmates rather than live with the couple as a third wheel.

They only viewed the property today. They both want the same room. These things happen. They’ll figure it out.
I would imagine coin tosses are fairly common in these situations!

If you go into a flat share as a student it is inevitable that there will be boyfriends, girlfriends, one night stands etc coming and going (at least her flatmate won't be bringing a string of fellas home every Saturday!) and if your DD vales her privacy that much she should think again on the flatting.

I get her concerns though, one of my flatmates had a very irritating and disrespectful boyfriend, he left skiddies etc on the toilet.

My flat mate and I resolved this by the ensuite costing $20 AUD a week more (a long time ago so $100 v $120 per week) which she was happy to pay and I wasn’t ha ha.

it is typical for the person with the en suite to pay more which usually resolves it - in my children’s experience this was around £20 per week.

Switch half way through the year…. Toss a coin to see who gets it first

Whoever gets the en suite pays more as inevitably the other bathroom will also be used by people visiting and who cleans it then? I also think there needs to be some ground rules about boyfriends staying over as otherwise you end up sharing with two people rather than one.

My friend and I agreed to swap half way through the tenancy. We tossed a coin for who got big room to start with. (He ended up not wanting to - so i got the best deal)