to want to carry on working so I do not end up doing childcare?

[skizz]

I mentioned to my DC that I was thinking about retiring, just exploring options, nothing even decided yet. Their immediate response was along the lines of “oh that would be perfect, you could help with childcare, school pickups, when they are ill, that sort of thing.”

I actually do not want to give up work and slide into being on-call childcare. I like working. I like having my own routine, my own space and my own independence. The idea that any flexibility automatically gets translated into availability for childcare does not appeal to me whatsoever.

I have friends who do regular childcare for their grandchildren and honestly they are constantly picking up bugs, dealing with sickness, plans being cancelled last minute because a child is ill. It looks absolutely exhausting. It is not how they imagined retirement but they got railroaded into it by their daughters/DILs.

I would rather keep working than be doing childcare.

School days do not last forever but they do last a long time. There are 9 grandchildren.

You have 9 grandchildren living locally ? Lucky you

Why is it mean? There are 9 grandchildren. Who do I help one day a week without the others getting upset?

Doing school drop offs and pick ups every day is a LOT - having to be watching the clock all the time is a pain, and OP has already done this for years her own 4 children.
I had 2 DC, 3 school years apart. I once worked out how long I had spent waiting to pick them up, and it was literally days of my life.
OP (and other GPs) can spend time with the GC and build bonds with them without having to commit to regular childcare.
FWIW my DC only grew up knowing their GFs as both GMs died before we had kids. Neither lived nearby, so my only help was through friends I made.
Having kids ia a massive undertaking, all GPs know and appreciate that, but it's not up to GPs to take on any of the burden unless through their free choice.

My in-laws did that. Retired to Portugal. They had a lovely time for 10 years or so but are now getting very bitter that we won’t retire to join them so that we can care for them.

It is a shame, and we will visit when we can around full time jobs and children in school, but they’ll have to pay for whatever care they need.

If you want to retire, retire.
But say "Sorry guys I don't want to be tied down with regular childcare. I'm happy to do one maybe 2 days"

It's up to you what you do with your time so you need to put clear boundaries in place, you shouldn't be pushed into anything you don't want to do. As long as you keen it consistent between your children.

We were lucky enough to have a MIL who wanted to do childcare for us and very much thrived on the fact that it was her purpose in retirement. She looked after the children 3 days a week and had a brilliant social life the other days. She had an amazing relationship with her grandkids.

My Mum always made it very clear that she didn't want to do any childcare when she retired and her retirement was purely about her, which is absolutely her choice. She then changed her mind when my brother had kids and agreed to do childcare for him.

Our relationship and the kids relationship has always been much better with my MIL as a result as she has been a much bigger part of our family.

I agree it is depressing. I have seen friends run into the ground looking after their grandchildren. The grandfathers are enjoying their lives. They seem to mostly get away with it because they weren't involved the first time round so they are not trusted while the poor grandmother has to do it all over again.

How do you know they are talking shite though unless you ask everyone concerned?

For which of the nine?

Nothing to do with childcare but I have lost count of the number of people who suddenly return to the UK for the nhs when they realise they are older

It is all about your Mum and MIL and childcare.

The expectations and judgements are on women not men.

It is often assumed retired parents will do childcare...as soon as my mil retired my bil said she could have their baby son on Tuesdays

If you dont want to retire yet, then what's the issue?

Just dont tell them youve retired!

So you’ve not fact checked, but you repeat it?

FWIW my dad and FIL both helped my kids. My DH would help our DC when they have kids as I’ll be working.

Think it's very much on social media at the moment. All over X or Twitter about how awful GParents are who don't help as it is viewed by traditionalist views that they should.

We don't have any Dads on the scene otherwise I would have mentioned them.

And there you are. So people can't be different, have different lives and views. Love is purely transactional. Got you.

Ahh. So we're supposed to bring up our own children, then expected to bring up our grandchildren and if not.... consequences.
Ok then.

They obviously have a set up at the moment that doesn’t include you so I doubt they meant that you would suddenly do 5 pick ups a week. I’ve got to say though that I find these threads quite depressing with how black and white they are from both sides. There’s no harm in saying you don’t want to collect kids 5 days a week, but likewise, it’s rather sad you wouldn’t consider doing it one day a week to spend a few hours with your grandchildren. It’s your choice either way but the grandparents I see most miserable with childcare are the ones who have failed to put in some early boundaries and end up doing more than they can. My in-laws have always looked after DC1 & 2 for 1 day a week and that was established early and it works well for both sides. We sort out the rest of it and they really enjoy their one day.

in your shoes? i would carry on with my plans and nip in the bud right away any expectation of regular childcare.

I would be very clear that i am fun grandma and up for visits, even overnights and multiple day stays on occasion, but not regular childcare. Stepping in should an emergency arise would always be on the cards for me, but that is all.

It comes down to: You won't look after your grandchildren so we won't look after you when you need it.

that is such utter shite though.

I mean, i won't be looking after my Agèd Parents in any meaningful way, apart from support when needed getting the help they need etc, and visiting them (but i do love them and we all do like each other). And i certainly don't expect my DCs to give me care.

The thing with regular childcare for me is that it would remove any spontenaity from my retirement. So that is why i won't agree to it. (my DCs have already said that in the event of grandkids they won't be asking for that anyway)

Or give up work (if that's what you really want) and just say a firm and clear "No" when you are asked about childcare.
This is your time, so make the most of it!