To not have gone to hospital with bf?

[ShatterLily]

I have a 7 yo and nearly 3 year old and I'm pregnant again unplanned and I'm not sure what I want to do I only found out a few days ago but I don't know if it's actually positive as I had 1 positive 1 negative but my period is late and I don't know what to do if I am as youngest was premature and had a traumatic early few months with getting very unwell. He's hard work tbh and barely eats anything and doesn't talk (he is partially deaf though)

Our relationship is quite tense atm He's classed as obese but due to his height (6ft 3) it doesn't really show he was 21 stone 4 but since the start of the year he's gone to 20 st 6 so he is trying to eat better but I usually make his lunch when I make my eldests for school. He's also still obsessed with any fizzy drink and he vapes which ice told him I don't like as he's also got asthma he's taken to doing it outside when he thinks I don't know

It really doesn't take that much extra time but the past few days have been hard as we all were unwell and 2yo hasnt been sleeping so I've been exhausted

Today I didn't make my bf any lunch and he was in a mood when I got home and said he'd eaten junk out the fridge (sausage rolls and crisps) and accuser me of not helping him lose weight

So I already wasn't pleased with him butthe ended up having an asthma attack which is probably down to the cough he still has when from we were all unwell last week but also the vape

He still wasn't any better after he had his inhaler and in the end I phoned the ambulance I didn't go with him as I'm home with the children

I feel like he sort of wanted me to go with him and his mum is shocked that I haven't gone and has called me cruel. I need outsiders opinions because I don't have much sympathy for him right now

AIBU to not go?

IMO, I wouldn’t be having a third baby with this man child, and you’ll probably be happier single!

Your pregnant with 2 kids it’s not a family outing if his mum came to watch the kids you could have gone or she could go and keep him company whilst he waits. As far as I remember you can’t get 3 additional people in an ambulance anyway.

Why the hell would you have gone with him??

Even if you didn’t have children- there is zero reason to go to the ER for a boyfriend whose life choices have put him in hospital.

Not everyone drives, or has a car.

I'm sure he'll be fine. More important is how your relationship will be going forward, and a decision regarding a positive pregnancy test right now.

Contraception.

He sounds like a pathetic man child and YANBU. Any decent man would put the care of the children first and reassure you that they would be fine by themselves. I’m not surprised his mother is taking his side - she’s probably largely responsible for him being such a self centred arsehole that he can’t cope without you making his lunch for him.

You deserve better.

Oh, and I'm a 68 year old woman who lives on her own, and took myself off to A+E in a cab when I suspected a gastric bleed. I was admitted in the end and am OK now. I didn't want anyone clucking over me in a crowded hospital, I'm not a child, and I was not feeling well either and didn't want to have to converse with anyone other than the medics!.

It depends on the reason for going to hospital. What I had was quite serious but I could walk and talk and I was missing for hours for various tests like CT, scopes, X ray and so on. Even if someone had accompanied me I would have been missing for hours anyway! I had visitors during my admission. That was fine.

Today I didn't make my bf any lunch and he was in a mood when I got home and said he'd eaten junk out the fridge (sausage rolls and crisps) and accuser me of not helping him lose weight

He sounds absolutely pathetic. That kind of attitude plus the vaping with asthma make it hard to fathom why you'd waste a moment worrying about whether you should've done more for him. I guess his mother's babied him into this state but it's not your job to carry that on. You have enough children to deal with.

Do you know people die from asthma attacks?
If you can stay mad and have no sympathy for someone when they are in hospital due to an asthma attack there can't be any genuine love or care there.

What a load of crap.

How do you conclude it's a "load of crap"?

Does he know people die from asthma attacks? Presumably yes, and is he doing anything to help himself or is his asthma, weight, his children and everything else her responsibility rather than his? Genuine love and care - like making his lunch every day - has got her nothing but blame for him scoffing sausage rolls and crisps. Why is she meant to have this endless reservoir of love and care while he abuses his health and all she gets is grief from him and his mother? I think she'd be better off staying mad longer and drawing a firm line. As well as sorting out iron-clad contraception in future.

How did you conclude the OP has no love or care for a man that she runs around after and allows him to shag her? He hardly sounds like a prince, does he?

It's not OPs responsibility. I'm not saying she is unreasonable for not going to the hospital but that doesn't change my opinion. If your DP goes to A&E in an ambulance with a life threatening condition and you're still ruminating on an argument rather than having any concern for them there is no care or love there. I'd go further than saying she needs contraception, she needs to end the relationship completely.

I have severe asthma and have pretty much always gone to an and e by myself as DH has to look after DS. A and e is not for children, unless they are the patients.

His lifestyle and the argument about his lunch are completely separate issues to him needing to go to the hospital.

It is nice to have someone attend the hospital as sometimes it’s easier for someone to leave and go and get a drink or if 1 of you needs the toilet and then the other can listen out for their name etc.

But it’s irrelevant because you couldn’t go as you have young kids that you can’t leave alone.

I think your mum was out of order.
All she had to say was that she can pop over to babysit if you want to go and be with him - not make you feel bad about it.

Once he gets the all clear, it’s time to reevaluate this relationship.
Hopefully you’re not pregnant as neither of you are in a position to have another child.

His attitude towards you not making his lunch is disgusting and the only person eating too many calories is him.

Do you not work?
Is that why he’s treating you like his mummy and acting like a spoilt child?

We do use contraception

I do love him but It’s hard to have sympathy when he doesn’t help himself with regards to vaping and he doesn’t use his preventer inhaler as he should etc

why is it your fault he ate junk out of the fridge? Honestly what does this useless person do to improve your life?

Does he not work? He needs to grow up only eating healthier if you are going to make it for him everyday.

already sounds like you’ve got a third child in him.

I wouldn’t have gone with my husband, It’s not a family day out. You did the right thing OP.

This is the reality when you have kids . I’d to go to a&e recently and my dh couldn’t stay cos he had to collect child from school. I was actually admitted . Did I care ? No because I’m an adult who can manage on my own . Did my mother interfere ? No for the same reason. Just ignore her .

It sounds like you already have 3 DC.

Sympathy for an asthma attack?

He vapes. He's obese. There's no sympathy.

OP YANBU.

Honestly you should probably get rid of the pregnancy and him, what exactly do you love about him, sounds like gargantuan gross third child already.