AIBU to wonder why some unfaithful men change later in life?

[FlamingoFloss]

I’m in my 50’s so like to think I have a bit of life experience. Over the years I’ve seen a variety of men cheat on their wives/ling term partners. Ultimately, just because they could. They didn’t get going out and stayed together. Or maybe they did - who knows?

fasg forward a few years and these men are now in their 50’s/60’s and their wife/partner that they’ve been with for years, and who they treated so loosely when they were younger, is now their EVERYTHING.

Ive seen this quite a bit. Why is this? Have they finally grown up and now see what they’ve always had? Do they have regrets? What’s it all about out? Anyone else seen this?

Even if the wife is a really great woman, they'll still cheat if it's in them.
It's well known that men like sexual variety. Absolutely well known.
Women cheat when they're unhappy, not men. They cheat regardless of whether they're happy or not.

In any case, cheating is hardly the sign of a man with good morals anyway.

Always the wife's fault, though.

I suppose if a woman is the second wife it's comforting to believe that he'd never do it to her as he's 'happy' now.

Yeah right.

Many women cheat for variety too.

Of course it’s not all the wife’s fault and you are perfectly entitled to believe that no man can keep his cock in his pants even if he’s married to a perfect woman.

Whatever helps people sleep at night I guess

I have no problem taking partial responsibility for the breakdown of my marriage in that ex and I got lost in parenting, work etc . I have a massive problem with the idea that I am at all responsible for ex cheating. He could have talked about what was bothering him. He could have asked me to do x,y,z. He could have decided to leave. That's fine. What's not fine is him blaming me for the fact he moved 100 miles away and years on, has no relationship with his kids.

It doesn’t matter why people cheat. One “reason” is not more excusable than another.

if you’re unhappy, leaves. If you like variety leave.

if you want to sleep with someone other than the partner you are committed to, leave first.

it’s always the cheaters fault. Regardless of the reason.

Well according to evolutionary psychologist, David Buss, who I tend to believe knows his stuff as he's studied it, a whopping 70% of men cheat for sexual variety.
70%.
So if I'm the 'perfect' second wife, those figures would probably interupt my sleep knowing that there's a whopping 7/10 chance he'll shag around again.

Lol.

OK. I agree.
I'm just questioning the idea that women who get together with a cheat think that they're so perfect as women he couldn't possibly do it to them.

Totally disregarding the fact that emotional dissatisfaction in their current relationship is waa-ay down the list of reasons as to why men cheat.

This is not according to me, this is according to evolutionary psychologist David Buss.

This. They simply don’t get the opportunities anymore.

hmm, I do know at least one woman who has married a cheater, knowing they couldn’t keep it in their pants. Cheating on them before marriage, during their engagement…

i think it wasn’t that they though they were prefect women, more they had some sort of romanticised notion of marriage and though they would marry, settle down, and become happy family men.

or possibly such self esteem issues that they wouldn’t break it off for fear of being alone.

of course they didn’t stop cheating, or not for long. Then it was well have a baby and that’ll change him/give him too much to lose.

eventually he leaves for someone else.

I often wonder about the women who get with these men who know about their past ways. They must find this attractive on some level to get with them. Right? Obviously.
(If they don't know then of course it's not applicable.)

When these guys renounce their cheating ways and become house trained like good little boys, do they get bored with them as they're not those unstable anymore? Does the assurance of fidelity bore them?

Not as exciting now he's sworn fidelity like a little puppy perhaps?

They seem to be more interested in getting a little white ball in a hole on the golf course than getting their balls near a woman’s hole even when married!

My older brother was like a dog with 2 dicks when he was younger. Would shag anyone! In his 50’s now and he is more interested in golf, fishing and football.

You really hate men, don’t you? And women in fact

Im not saying the wife is responsible for a man cheating but relationships fizzle out because everyone is busy with life in general

I always wonder if people who think this way have themselves never changed their ideas or behaviour as they have become older?

No not at all.

I do think the reason that you're getting personal about all this, though, is because you're annoyed that I have pointed out here that a notable evolutionary psychologist, namely David Buss, has concluded through his work that 70% of men cheat for sexual variety and that emotional dissatisfaction is waa-ay down the list as to why men cheat.
Actually the men who've been cheating that I know of always end up begging their wives forgiveness, she tells them to f- off and he runs to his mistress who thinks that she's won. Lol.

Men don't automatically cheat cause they're unhappy in some way.
And men who are happy enough with their wives cheat.

Maybe this has burst your bubble in some way.
It's not for me to say.

Most men are lazy fuckers and do what's convenient. Not all. Some I respect.
I'm not apologising for this, either.

No-one wants to shag them voluntarily and their current wife/partner is a lined up carer for them.

I don’t expect you to apologise, given how angry you clearly are.

I am pointing out that men AND women seek sexual variety. It’s not just men. But the wives tell themselves it’s nothing to do with them and paint themselves at the victim when people can see how things got to that point.

A sort of friend’s husband started an affair with someone who had a lot in common with him, she was intelligent and fun. His wife (my ‘friend’) became vacuous and boring and eventually quite toxic.

He left the wife and married the partner and they have been together decades.

I have no skin in this game at all so I don’t know why you are talking about bursting my bubble.

also big bellies, hairy nose and ears and letting an unintentional fart out when standing up , what younger mistress wants that

Why didn't he leave the wife and THEN start the new relationship? The standard pattern of life and parenthood getting in the way of romance is only the death knell if one party just gives up instead of facing it, raising it. Giving both parties a chance to participate in the progress or end of the relationship.

Because life is messy. It’s really not difficult to understand.

Generally speaking, it's cowardice ime.

Not necessarily but if it makes you feel better,then great

No its not. I've cheated and been cheated on. Its about making poor, selfish choices. We are way too quick to make excuses for crappy behaviour. This aspect of life is only messy if you choose to be led by something other than your brain.

People make selfish choices all the time. Not limited to who the choose to fuck

I agree. But 'life is messy' is an excuse for those selfish choices, like it couldnt be helped. It absolutely can.

As men age they begin to understand they will need a nursemaid to take care of them, to cook, do their laundry, etc.,etc.. Oh, wait! They have one in the wife that stayed. They did not all of a sudden become less self-centered and more concerned about their partner, what they are doing is ensuring their wife and family will be there for them. It's still all about their needs.

50s and 60s is heart attack, stroke, aneurism, cancer territory. It is this fear that drives their "appreciation" for what they need to do to in order to be cared for in their failing years. Their doctors have informed them what failings to expect in their bodies as they age. They are well aware they are one blood clot away from drooling on themselves. They took advantage of their women then and they will take advantage of their women now. People do not fundamentally change. Once a user. . . . .