AIBU to wonder why some unfaithful men change later in life?

[FlamingoFloss]

I’m in my 50’s so like to think I have a bit of life experience. Over the years I’ve seen a variety of men cheat on their wives/ling term partners. Ultimately, just because they could. They didn’t get going out and stayed together. Or maybe they did - who knows?

fasg forward a few years and these men are now in their 50’s/60’s and their wife/partner that they’ve been with for years, and who they treated so loosely when they were younger, is now their EVERYTHING.

Ive seen this quite a bit. Why is this? Have they finally grown up and now see what they’ve always had? Do they have regrets? What’s it all about out? Anyone else seen this?

They aren't as attractive to young women anymore.
Young women aren't attracted to them.
They don't cheat because they can't.
They would if they could.

My partner was like this with his first ex and his ex wife. With his first ex he used to visit brothels, disappear on lads holidays, stay out for days. Had numerous affairs with her friends etc. Wasn’t around for the kids. They split up (she cheated in the end).. He then met and married his ex wife. No kids but more of the same. We’ve been together on and off for years (during breaks from partners when younger). Solidly together for 9 years and have a child. He’s never stepped out of line. No disappearing out with his mates, sneaking about nothing. He helps with our son and is very present (like under my bloody feet present!). Both these exes absolutely hate me for it!!! Have asked why he’s so different with me. He told them honestly he never felt settled with them or as close to them!! And we can be swinging from chandeliers occasionally so it’s nothing to do with a dwindling sex drive. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect. But he’s like a different man with me and our family. I just think when someone’s genuinely happy they are happy. Now, to find ways to make him bugger off on a lads jolly to give me some peace!!! lol!!!

My partner was like this with his first ex and his ex wife. With his first ex he used to visit brothels, disappear on lads holidays, stay out for days. Had numerous affairs with her friends etc. Wasn’t around for the kids. They split up (she cheated in the end).. He then met and married his ex wife. No kids but more of the same. We’ve been together on and off for years (during breaks from partners when younger). Solidly together for 9 years and have a child. He’s never stepped out of line. No disappearing out with his mates, sneaking about nothing. He helps with our son and is very present (like under my bloody feet present!). Both these exes absolutely hate me for it!!! Have asked why he’s so different with me. He told them honestly he never felt settled with them or as close to them!! And we can be swinging from chandeliers occasionally so it’s nothing to do with a dwindling sex drive. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect. But he’s like a different man with me and our family. I just think when someone’s genuinely happy they are happy. Now, to find ways to make him bugger off on a lads jolly to give me some peace!!! lol!!!

It’s not a popular view but I think people change over time. When you hit age milestones you reflect on what’s important. I’m also inclined to say the opportunities for sex are probably fewer and more far between when you’re in your 50s.

I would say emotional maturity.

I think you're kidding yourself

Because contrary to what some on here think, people do change. Most of us are not the same people as in our 20s when in our 50s in terms of what excites us and how we spend our time. Not everyone, some people will never achieve successful monogamy, but I can quite imagine a good looking lad who was successful with women and so had his cake and ate it as a younger man just not being bothered later on, as age, work, health etc changes. If his wife has stuck around its her choice, if he's with the most recent one and hadn't cheated on her, fair enough.

They’ve accepted they can no longer pull younger women?

I was about to say the poster that said you're kidding yourself was wrong but then I read your post again. Can I ask how often he sees his older kids? Not sure Id have had one with someone who admits they were a poor father. Who cares of he 'felt settled'..they deserve a good dad. Maybe his exes hate you because while he's swinging from the chandeliers with you he's not seeing them? Im.not out for you, honestly..its nice that you have a good relationship and life but you cant just shrug off his past if he's largely abandoned his kids.

Purely because they no longer have the energy or the looks/money/charm to pull younger women. If they had, they'd still be out there doing it. Instead they're relying on the doormat who has always forgiven everything to be there for them when they're knackered, poor and frankly repulsive. If there is any justice, the doormat puts weedkiller in their coffee, inherits everything going, and goes off to enjoy her life, but alas, real life isn't that fair.

🤣

sort of agree with some of these points - but it’s not like they reluctantly accept they can non longer go out and meet date loads of women - and sit unhappily at home lamenting what they used to have, but no longer can. The men I’m thinking of (and we are taking some serious cheating / putting it out there) - truly do seem to be different people. And seem ok with it.

and the ones I’m thinking of aren’t with the same women originally - they’ve cycled through loads and settled down for good. I’m a bit too much of a cynic to believe in one true love 🤣

Really? I am in my sixties and see the opposite.

These men have perfected their “my wife and family are my world” pretence and carry on fucking anyone they can.

My ex husband has repeated a pattern of adultery throughout his life but now in his late fifties he has lost his looks so I fully expect his current wife (third) will be his last one.
She is the one left holding the parcel when the music finally stopped!

But why on earth would you have entered a relationship with a serially-unfaithful, prostitute-using man with a record of disappearing acts and mistreating partners and children? I mean, what exactly attracted you to this prince among men?

She is their ride or die, the person who will put up with shit and stand by their side. Caveman mentality.

Yep, the person who knows how they like their coffee, remembers their mum’s birthday and so on - they simply get to an age where convenience and ‘being taken care of’ matters more than ever.

They realise that they’re actually bloody lucky?

Men either don’t see the logical outcome of their actions or choose the short term gratification anyway. They also compare themselves, and size themselves up against, other men. At a certain age, many of their laddish peers are living the sad lives of divorced dads and they realise they’ve had an incredibly lucky escape.

I think it’s a lot like how your pension doesn’t seem a high priority in your 20s compared with a new pair of high heeled boots. But in your 50’s it’s absolutely precious.

It could be they've just found the right’ person and no longer want to cheat.🤷‍♀️

I know exactly what you are taking about. They are these devoted husbands who adore their wives and Im thinking ‘hang on’ you are rewriting this.

I don’t think they change for a minute and I speak as someone whose male family members have a history of cheating going way, way back through the generations (nature/nurture?). They just can’t get it up anymore.

They get elderly and wrinkly, no-one is going to sleep with them any more and they can't bear the idea that they might face old age on their own with no woman to look after them, so they finally stick with the one they ended up with after the final cheating episode....
Still as self-centred as before.

Because they’re old, they can’t pull women as easily, they have ED, they have a paunch, they’ve lost their hair, they’re lazy and can’t be arsed going out to find someone else etc.

It’s interesting that we all rightly accept that women change as they get older and that the scales drop off and menopause provides women with more clarity and the lack of oestrogen means less putting up with things and being the carer. Perhaps it is the same with some men, as the testosterone dwindles, the need to be a rutting stag dwindles and they start to appreciate what they have.

When they're young, their 'need' is to scatter their seed about... when they're old, their 'need' is to be looked after by a dependable Mummy who will put up with their shizzle...

If they could have both, they would... 🙄