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Original poster

DH has reneged on post nup he had promised (pre marriage) he would enter into to protect family inheritance

586 replies

mamato3rascals · 14/04/2026 21:56

Before we got married c 8 years ago, I had said to my DH (financè at the time) that I’d want a pre nup to protect a significant family business, and other inherited assets, that would likely be passed down to me. The value of the inheritance will be significant and so with my sensible hat on I am keen to protect that in any way I can.

For a number of reasons that prenup wasn’t entered into before we married, but he discussed with my Dad and gave him his word (and he did likewise with me) that he’d enter into it in future before any interest passed to me as part of the family’s estate planning. This has been looming a while but we are now at the time where this needs sorting. I have tried and tried to speak to my DH but he is always busy (though I am the main breadwinner, by some way…), explains his fear that I’ll take the family house off him (the post nup leaves the entire family home to him exclusively - valued at £900k and minimal mortgage) and leaves me with a small property rental and ensures that any interest in the family’s wealth remains my asset).

He is so apprehensive about entering into it that he called my dad outright a couple of weeks ago and asked him what he was expecting my DH to do. This is something I’m driving because (a) we are in a bad place and have been for a few years and (b) I can’t bury my head any more and need this sorted. My father was cross at the phone call as he was caught off guard, and on reflection why such reluctance now to discuss with Dad - when he left it years ago on the basis he’d sign something.

He won’t discuss it with me, when I go into his office at night to ask whether he will engage with me on it he tells me to get out, he is exhausted and doesn’t have time to talk about it let alone look for a solicitor that will advise him on it (I’ll pay all of those fees) and ends up putting noise cancelling headphones on with music blaring until I go out. If I stay there he says that he will lock his office door so he is left in peace.

I am at my wits end and had always said to myself that I can put up with his treatment at home (the above being an example) but am so concerned that this is the final nail in the coffin of my marriage (3 young DC under 7, one of which is extremely anxious and constantly worried so I don’t know what a separation would do to her).

If I were to bring our divorce papers I am almost certain he would start to engage - but what concerns me is these post nups are only valid for 5 years and need to be kept under review every 5 years. If he won’t engage now then god help me in 5 years’ time again.

Please be kind as I am worried sick but appreciate any advice. I’ve even considered initiating a divorce for purely financial separation whilst continuing to live long term under the same roof - I am willing to give the marriage everything I have got but the financial worry I am carrying is killing me. I think he expects that he will fail to engage and it will all go away because I’ll get bored of chasing him but fundamentally this is such a U turn from what he promised me before we got married that I am not sure I could ever get over it.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 15/04/2026 12:46

I’m sorry you are in this position. However the simple fact is if you wanted any kind of pre-nup type thing, it needed to be sorted pre-marriage. There’s no way he’s going to sign away anything now. You need to focus on the here and now, and the situation you are in now, get legal advice and divorce him.

CarelessWimper · 15/04/2026 12:48

I think it’s seems you have become a bit of a boiled frog and just accepted and justified his behaviour as it’s gotten worse and worse.

I think without speaking to your DH, you need to speak to your dad and then go with him to a solicitor to work out how best to divorce the useless husband. Whilst at the same time seeing a therapist who will help you work out how best to deal with his behaviour to the children and possibly getting them help when the time is right.

Do not raise any of this with your husband until you have a concrete plan of action. He isn’t a good man. He is going to emotionally blackmail you for as long as possible and you need to be strong. He is trying to turn your dd against you and that should make you angry.

I would act quickly on this though, it’s unfair on everyone living in such a toxic atmosphere and whilst hopefully nothing happens to your dad/ parents for a long time, it will be easier to deal with this now. Right now it sounds like you have a lot less to give away and you have support.

I wouldn’t tell anyone to stay in such a marriage so their spouse had a claim on their inheritance and tbh I don’t believe anyone is entitled to their partners inheritance unless it’s desperately needed for the children.

PrincessScarlett · 15/04/2026 12:49

OP, don't feel guilty about breaking the family up. There is no family to break up as your DH doesn't engage in family life and you are living separate lives. He is treating you all very badly if he won't even eat with you and the kids. The kids will be fine as he hardly sounds like a loving father. They never spend any time with him. This is more damaging to your kids than divorcing him. You don't want them growing up thinking this is how men treat their wives and children.

The reason he won't agree to the pre nup is that he knows you will inherit and he wants half. The only way to stop this is divorce him now. It's one thing if he was a decent husband but he's not.

ukathleticscoach · 15/04/2026 12:49

Horse has bolted

Prenup worthless anyway

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 15/04/2026 12:59

DrySherry · 15/04/2026 08:44

This is a good idea, but the op wants to retain a controlling financial interest, so may also not be a suitable solution for her.

Show quote history

Surely if dad leaves the inheritance to grandchildren now. OP gets divorced, then Dad rewrites will, it should work out ok? Are divorce settlements based on ‘what you might get’ or what is actually an asset at the time of divorce?

thestudio · 15/04/2026 13:01

Christ, why are women not raging, marching, throwing bottles on the street, something, anything?!

Post after post on MN showing that as a general rule men are habitually fucking cunts to women.

And don't NAMALT me - all men benefit from the bad things that bad men do to women, because women don't know which ones are the bad ones so they learn to behave, to tiptoe around men, to put their needs first, to not see the incredible inequality in even the most liberal homes.

So unless your lovely DH is challenging other men (and the system more broadly) every time he sees bad things done to women - HE'S FUCKING LIKE THAT.

And so often, women are so gaslit/socialised/worn down that they can't even see what's going on. Literally the whole structure of society is dedicated to making sure that continues to be the case, because can you imagine if women just said, fuck this, I'm being exploited and abused by this man and the system I live in, but now I'm saying No.

TessSaysYes · 15/04/2026 13:01

I read half of that sorry.
You say your relationship is already in a bad place.
Perhaps you should think about ending it.

Cheesegrapeschutney · 15/04/2026 13:11

Swiftie1878 · 14/04/2026 22:04

Before everyone piles in, just to say, if you were a man you’d be torn to shreds on here.

You are married. What’s yours is his. What’s his is yours. You have no prenup or postnup. Why would he sign now with your relationship on the rocks, especially with three young children in the mix - he’ll need finances to be able to see them and accommodate them, just like you.

Do what’s right for your whole family and not just you.

But if the OP were a man, the odds are that man probably wouldn't have done the lion's share of the childrearing, life admin, house tasks etc, and he also most likely wouldn't be taking on the majority of those commitments in future. The contributions aren't equal. So if the OP was a man meeting that typical profile, it would be fair enough for him to be torn to shreds.

It's not usually an equal situation where you can swap the sex of the OP and say that the responses should be the same or else they're sexist/anti-male.

Anyahyacinth · 15/04/2026 13:13

mamato3rascals · 14/04/2026 22:52

I agree divorce is inevitable. We live completely separate lives. He’s just been away for 2.5 weeks with work, called the kids 4 times and each time he called I handed the phone to the kids, we didn’t really speak.

My issue is that he gets overly sentimental about things. Example being he won’t ever move from the family home because it’s where he thinks the kids picture their childhood (I mean yes bricks and mortar but we live such a dysfunctional life). He will therefore tell my daughter (which he’s done in the past when I’ve said we need to separate) that mummy wants to separate and mummy wants to break us all up. I have no idea how I come back from that with my DD. Other two are young and if anything I need to do before they get to the astute age of my older child, but I am tormented at her thinking I’m breaking up the family.

The longer you wait the worse the impacts on children experiencing this and they are..he brought your DD into an argument between you.

Every moment delayed is a further risk to your inheritance.

Burntt · 15/04/2026 13:13

Yeah divorce now. He’s after your assets. Do fair by him regarding the family home and rental but get this resolved before you inherit.

it’s not like men who try protecting their assets from their wife’s. Those wife’s are doing all the house and child work. You are the breadwinner and home maker. He’s just a stress and a leech

HensInTheSkirtingBoardAgain · 15/04/2026 13:13

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/04/2026 09:27

They never are fully reversed though, because we all know it's the woman who'll end up with the kids and the financial burden that goes along with that, despite having the usual challenges of juggling a career with motherhood that men don't have. As will be the case here.

Show quote history

She’ll end up with the kids because that’s what the courts do - kids more or less always go with the woman in a divorce.

So blame the system that thinks it’s the best way through.

Typical response though here.

Underconstruction · 15/04/2026 13:14

Good grief. Inheritance aside, is this the life you want for yourself or the example of relationships you want your children to learn or the behaviour you want them to mimic? It's going to get harder not easier. Do it now and all power to you.

HensInTheSkirtingBoardAgain · 15/04/2026 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mix56 · 15/04/2026 13:15

Please Divorce asap. your kids already see a totally dysfunctional marriage.
he lies & deflects. he won't even have a discussion with you about this pre-nup.
Get Rid

BloominNora · 15/04/2026 13:15

mamato3rascals · 14/04/2026 22:14

I don’t think that filing for divorce then signing a post nup (should he then decide to engage) would work. I think the post nup would be classed as him entering into it under duress.

Looked at trusts- that’s an option but it makes access to anything within that trust v difficult should I ever wish to draw on it, and my understanding is that once I draw on any funds from the trust it’s treated as a marital asset and so susceptible to being treated as part of the “pot” in the event of a divorce. I’m not saying I want to live off that fund, but it is likely I will need to use some of the funds in retirement / for kids school fees etc.

Divorce him now - before you come into any inheritance (and get your half of the family home)

You can stay together as a couple if you want to, but with this behaviour, I would not be risking my future security.

If you are the higher earner, have you considered that he may also be entitled to some of your pension should you divorce now or in the future?

MrsHGWells · 15/04/2026 13:21

As you already know your DH is being a man child and not fronting up to reason & responsibility.

as you are to inherit from your family, seek legal advise and suggest placing into a family trust, you as sole beneficiary (& children);
if you proceed to divorce- then you divide family assets as you see fit and those marital assets are ring-fenced.

this would future proof future relationships (& potentially any repeat).

BloominNora · 15/04/2026 13:21

mamato3rascals · 14/04/2026 22:29

@MyMonthlyNameChange He doesn’t do any housework nor childcare. Refuses to take time off for the kids during school holidays so I get by with help from my parents and I take 1-2 days per week off during summer holidays to save on constant childcare and clubs - he refuses to take one of those days and tells me to put them in clubs (which I pay for given higher £). He doesn’t do the housework - I have a cleaner. He says that his job is far mor vulnerable than mine having only been there 2 years (I’m senior and 20+ years in my company). He is always busy. Then at weekends will find something to keep him busy to avoid any conversation.

We sleep in separate beds, he does his own washing. He mostly sleeps in at weekends until 8:30 whilst I am an early riser and up with the kids. It’s truly awful and I have asked what we can do so I can take a step back from work (my job is super intense and high pressured) and his response has always been that he cannot put anything else financially in. He pays a v small mortgage and a small amount towards childcare, but I pay everything else. My car needs changing and he doesn’t have the time to help me with what I’m looking for, my property rental has maintenance issues and he is hopeless at helping or engaging so I have to work it out myself on top of everything else or ask dad for help.

He makes his own dinner every evening as refuses to eat what the kids and I eat- he wants scrambled eggs every single evening. He cooks said eggs and I come into the kitchen the next morning 60% of the time with the remains of his dinner from the night before still on the floor / on the kitchen counter because he hadn’t been arsed to clean it.

I hadn't read this before I posted - you don't have a husband, you have a lodger!

Get out of that marriage now! You and the kids deserve better!

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 15/04/2026 13:23

The older your children grow, the more difficult a divorce will be on them. You know you're going to have to do this sooner or later. I really hope, for you and your children, that you can find the courage to do this soon.
This is no life. He will continue to take all he can from you, including your inheritance.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 15/04/2026 13:25

HensInTheSkirtingBoardAgain · 15/04/2026 13:13

She’ll end up with the kids because that’s what the courts do - kids more or less always go with the woman in a divorce.

So blame the system that thinks it’s the best way through.

Typical response though here.

Show quote history

It's not just the system. I am separated - not divorced - and my husband had no interest whatsoever in taking on the kids. He's happy with contact once or twice a week. And he's a GOOD dad who was always more engaged than most. At least he was honest and didn't pretend to want 50/50 so that he could get out of paying for them, which is the situation a lot of my friends are in.

Our system (legal system but basically, well, everything) is the way it is because it was set up by men for the benefit of men - AKA the patriarchy.

Creamteasandbumblebees · 15/04/2026 13:32

At such a young age your kids will survive a divorce.
What they won't survive, and what will cause huge trauma is seeing such a dysfunctional relationship.
I believe that if your relationship with your partner/spouse is not one you would want for your own children then you need to leave.
Imagine if, when your daughter is older, she came to you with this problem, what would your advice be to her?
Personally, I would completely disengage with him. Make plans to leave quietly and get your ducks in a row but get out as soon as you can.

Totalinsanity · 15/04/2026 13:33

Seriously - divorce now & take half. If you can buy him out of the family home then great - if not just move, no house is worth this…or risking having to pay him more/your inheritance at a later date. Your kids will be more unbalanced by the impact the longer you leave it, get it started asap. Be as calm & rational as you can - do not give way to his histrionics.

MineThineYom · 15/04/2026 13:37

You could just let him carry on stuffing himself with a scrambled eggs and let the cholesterol do its work...

KaleidoscopeSmile · 15/04/2026 13:39

Swiftie1878 · 14/04/2026 22:04

Before everyone piles in, just to say, if you were a man you’d be torn to shreds on here.

You are married. What’s yours is his. What’s his is yours. You have no prenup or postnup. Why would he sign now with your relationship on the rocks, especially with three young children in the mix - he’ll need finances to be able to see them and accommodate them, just like you.

Do what’s right for your whole family and not just you.

People's responses to stuff like this almost always depend on the circumstances detailed in the OP's first and subsequent posts and that applies to male or female posters so give it a rest with your lazy, unoriginal "....if you were a man...." bullshit.

MineThineYom · 15/04/2026 13:40

I wouldn't do anything that will tip him off that you are about to pull the rug out from underneath him. Best to get everything organised in the background and out of sight so that you can blindside him.

RedLightYellowLight · 15/04/2026 13:41

Just get divorced ASAP? It sounds like he is no help anyway and you will be better off. You split what you have now and then yoir inheritance is yours. You are the breadwinner and do everything in the hose and he brings nothing? Of course he is not leaving or signing anything he has an amazing life!!