AIBU to worry my daughter is getting engaged too soon?

[MidnightScrolls]

Dd 22 has just told me she is engaged. I really want to be happy for her but I can't help but think it is too soon and perhaps not best for her at the moment.

She has just graduated last year with a first class economics degree from a very prestigious university but, given the current market, has really struggled to find a job and is still living at home. She is incredibly hard working and has made every effort to send in job applications but hasn't found anything yet and I think is starting to feel very discouraged.

She has been with her boyfriend for 2 years and, while he is slightly quiet around us, they seem to have a really lovely relationship and are very happy together.

That said, I just can't help but think that getting married may be a panic response to feeling like she doesn't have a purpose and that if she does, she may regret it later on. She has always expressed how important a career of her own is to her and I am concerned that getting married so young may take away from that. I am also unsure of the finances of her getting married and moving out.

I haven't voiced any of these concerns to her as I don't know if it is my place anymore and I always want her to feel supported especially in such important life decisions.

Does anyone have any thoughts or any similar experiences?

"Hopefully" the relationship dies off?

Fucking hell, how mean spirited is that.

She's a 22 year old adult. What OP does is congratulate her, be pleased that she is happy in her relationship to agree to get married and keep any other thoughts to herself.

Why aren’t they living together? He’s living in the easiest place in the country to find a job and she’s sat at home unemployed?

I do think it’s weird to get engaged without having lived together.

22 is perfect age to get marriage and have kids. What are you worried could happen beyond normal risks of break up etc?!

People are still maturing until mid - late 20s, so I don't think the concern that she is choosing something she may grow out of is invalid. And I can see why the narrative that she's looking to her relationship to fulfill a sense of accomplishment and growth that a "proper" job would have hopefully provided may also be on the nose.

But getting married isn't something that can't be fixed if it ends up being a mistake. Thankfully we have moved on from that sort of locked in approach to life. And since her job hunt isn't going as well as she'd hoped it may be a good thing she has this to stop her feeling like she's going nowhere.

Congratulate her. Make her feel good about herself. Tell her how proud you are of her for everything she's done so far. Be an open and positive force in her life that she wants to turn to no matter how things are going. Do not voice your concerns but always let her know she comes first for you and keep encouraging her to try and find a job that she will love and excel at.

22 and she hasn’t even lived with him. Yes I’d be worried too. It’s daft.

She can be engaged for a few years and use that time to have adventures like travel work abroad or do a masters or work in another city

I agree with others - support her, celebrate and try to talk. It may see young but actually the other comment about him being the only good thing etc is the worry. It may be true and that they are in love etc but also a way to hold onto that stability. Engagements can be as long as they want! However, I was 21 at uni when I met my husband- 4 months later we had to decide if I was staying in the city or going back home. I stayed, we bought a house, were engaged after 1 year, married after 2 and had our first child after 3 years - that was 25 years ago and we are still together so the fact they’ve been together for two years is quite respectable!

She should apply for graduate scheme at local council and maybe consider teach first? Look at internships abroad eg Hong Kong Singapore? A bookkeeping course now to help her get onto an accounting graduate scheme?

I got engaged at 22. So did most of my female friends. Not one of us went on to marry the person we got engaged to at that age. Doesn’t mean that she won’t, but it did seem to be a thing that we all did and then changed our mind about.