To find middle class parents insufferable?

[Gwst]

Sorry rant incoming! I'm so sick of how since becoming a parent half the people I speak to seem to be insufferable snobs about the area we live in (in a big city). Schools are "terrible" despite good ratings, couldn't possibly be good enough for their children, and are upset they don't live in a posher area, too many undesirables round where we live, complaining about drugs etc when this is an issue that 100% doesn't affect their demographic. I've recently had someone say they had to move to the suburbs because at their local school all the parents had "a can of coke in one hand, a fag in the other and 10 kids" and another saying a nursery wasn't good enough as they didn't want their child looked after by someone with a speech impediment. Both of these left me with my jaw on the floor shocked someone would think it's OK to say that but they seem to have no embarrassment about saying it to me, a casual acquaintance. And the area we live in is full of creative types, ostensibly left wing etc but also seem to hold these reactionary views when it comes to their kids.

The thing about schools drives me mad as I guarantee most of these people have zero experience of attending or their kids attending a challenging city comprehensive. It's just this perceived bias that their kids will get bullied or become drug dealers or other crap that they heard from their parents as to why they went to private school and are now parroting but can't afford private school or a posh area themselves. I went to a pretty crap school but I came out with good grades and went to a prestigious uni. It wasn't all great but it was a realistic cross section of society and arguably gives you good expectations of the real world and that fact that not everyone in your community is privileged etc. But no one seems to care about that and just wants to look out for themselves and everyone else be damned.

I am middle class myself lol. And my kid is going to have plenty of (unfair) social advantages anyway without us having to get them into "the best" school or only socialise with other middle class people. I just really don't get it. Am I alone in thinking like this??

I’m reminded of something someone said to me years ago, that many people she knew were moving out of the rough inner city now they had kids. She preferred to stay, and help improve the area through community involvement. Are you actively involved in politics, or community activities that help improve the area you live in? Put your (time/effort/money) where your mouth is, or let people be.

Of course there are, but would someone who had 130 violent offences against them be allowed to stay in a private school?

Really? It’s not that extreme in my experience at all. It’s a fairly average school where I’m from. Maybe that’s why I regard the likes of OP as smug and naive. Who on earth would want that for their child if they have any other options?

Caveating that I am from Scotland where violence in schools is soaring and the SNP government have no intention of addressing.

Indeed. The order of privilege is

1. those with a great state school, then
2. those that can afford private, then
3. those that are stuck with the local state school option.

The smug MC in an excellent school catchment are the most privileged of all, and yet they feel free to mock those who have to shell out for private in order to save their kids from the dire state option. It’s so hypocritical!

How’d you know what class everyone is? I’m probably middle class but had my eldest at 16 and dress in leggings from primark most days. So everyone looking at me but not speaking to me probably thinks I’m a scruff. Anyway I have no shame in sending my kids to the best school around and am pretty open about describing other schools as shitholes (if it’s true it’s true). If that makes some people find me insufferable than so be it weeds out the pathetic wet wipes I don’t want to be around anyway

@Gwst

You judge them
They judge others

Class has nothing to do with it really

Or. They don’t want their kids to go to school with kids who can’t behave and disrupt the shit out of everything.

Always the fault of the “middle classes” (or the people who want better than that for their kids regardless of “class”). No introspection whatsoever as to why people don’t want their kids to be educated in that environment.

Can you genuinely not see the connection between segregation and ghettoisation? Is this not obvious to people?

😂 could this be any more dramatic? You know what? Deprived kids aren’t necessarily the worst behaved.

im a mum of 4. My children have attended many different schools. The more affluent schools were the ones where stealing and bullying were a bigger problem.

But there is zero evidence that our local secondary schools are like this. I haven't visited them and the parents I'm referring to haven't either as their kids are too young. It's just making an assumption based on your own prejudice that a state school in our area couldn't possibly be good enough for your kid without actually knowing anything about it.

If this is really the case then I think you are even more U to bracket all “middle class”
people with your friends/ acquaintances because, if true, this is just uninformed prejudice. And one thing you can’t usually accuse middle class parents of is failing to do their research.

Before we left London I knew the average A level results, destinations of 6th form leavers, progress scores, proportion of children who spoke English as a second language, admission policies, catchment areas and behavioural ethos of all schools my kids could have got into. I also watched the kids and their behaviour in the local area, on the tube, in the local shops/ take aways. I spoke to teachers at the primary school, parents with other kids at the secondary schools and healthcare professionals about the best fit for my son before we moved. I did visit the schools. The people you’re talking about have probably done similar, they just might not be telling you about it.

So you’re for using your child’s safety to make a point about ending segregation and ghettoisation?

No but kids from deprived schools are much more likely to be badly behaved because they’re much more likely to have a traumatic home life. Choosing a school you go off a vague ofsted report and judgements. MC catchment = much more likely to have an environment in which my child is able to learn.

Kids being forced to accept a substandard education due to their parent wanting them to fight ‘ghettoisation’ on their behalf. Christ that’s terrible parenting!!!

yeah ofsted sucks, I’m very lucky to still live in the same town I grew up in, plus I had my kids young so still relatively up to date with which schools are good and which aren’t.

Whenever I meet a newbie to my town with young kids and they’re talking about sending their kids to the worst school in town because it has a “good” ofsted.

Bless them 😂

I do but again, no consideration of the reasons why. Just straight out blaming the ones who want better.

To be honest it’s not my problem. My child is my problem. I won’t be sacrificing their education to make a point, no.

I don't think you understand how shit many schools are now OP. Even ones with good ratings. Your experience isn't all that relevant.

It's not about making a point, it's about the type of society you want for yourself and your child. People on this thread seem to think that 'rough' areas and schools where children have very little hope of success are just normal and to be expected. That horrifies me - the total apathy the 'not my problem' attitude. It absolutely is your problem, it's your bloody country!

Is that genuinely what you get from my point? I can't tell whether you're deliberately misunderstanding, I'm not making my point very clearly or you just can't understand.

Basically if you keep doing the same thing over and over you're going to get the same result.

Do not complain about crime and joblessness if you have no intention of doing anything to change it.

Why are you ignoring the part about introspection being required on the other side? No? We just put our kids into the shitty schools and that’s the end of it?

I'm sorry I don't know what you mean about 'introspection being required on the other side.' But of course I don't mean you just put your kids in shitty schools and that's the end of it - why would anyone suggest that?

What I'm saying is that the general attitude among certain people that they have to segregate their children leads to that word that people reference here over and over - 'deprivation.' The fact that people can talk about 'deprivation' as though it's a normal thing in a developed country shows how accepting people are of a completely biased and unfair system that is stacked against certain people.

In the UK in 2026 there should not be 'shitty' schools that people of a certain wage bracket look down on and consider to be filled with 'pond life.' That such a thing exists should be a source of embarrassment. The whole shrugging and saying 'I want more for my kid' is a huge factor in why that situation exists at all.

It’s not our job to change it though. I go to an office to do my job to pay a staggering amount of tax for someone else to fix failing schools. It is in no way my fault that schools are shit.

I 100% agree with what you said about not all private schools are good and not all state schools are bad. Some private schools are awful and some state schools are amazing. If I could afford it I’d probably still choose a good state school over any private school for my kids but if I lived in an area that only had rubbish state schools and I know I’d very likely be disadvantaging my kids by sending them there, I’d choose a good private school. I wouldn’t send my kids to the rubbish state school just cos I want them to be “well rounded”. Them being well rounded comes further down the list for me than them being happy, safe, and doing well academically. Plus I don’t think sending them to a good but not overly posh private school would necessarily not make them well-rounded. It’d actually probably give them more confidence to be able to interact with people from all walks of life than a state school would. Although I think that even if I was absolutely rolling in cash I’d still never consider sending my kids to somewhere like Eton or Harrow, those are the kind of places that breed entitled, out of touch people that truly are not well-rounded. If where I lived was truly surrounded by poor performing state schools I might consider moving to somewhere with a better state school, so I don’t think your friends AIBU for considering that. I want to give my kids the best possible start in life, I think that’s pretty normal.

And here in a nutshell is the attitude that keeps the same shit going.

If everyone thinks 'not my problem' then nothing gets fixed.

You are part of society, along with everyone else. If you abdicate all responsibility to others to fix it, then you cannot complain at all when nothing gets fixed.