to find childfree comments on parenting forums insensitive?

[HazelMember]

I’ve noticed this a lot lately. Someone will post saying they’re struggling with their DC. Maybe they’re exhausted, dealing with behaviour, feeling overwhelmed, trying to keep them entertained with school holidays. childcare stuff.

Someone pops up with “this is why I’m childfree” or “so glad I dodged that bullet”

I just don’t get the need to say it. Nobody is asking you to justify your life choices. It’s not a debate about whether having children is worth it.

It would be like me going onto a forum for people who can’t have children and saying “well I’ve got three and it’s amazing”, it is just completely insensitive to the situation and adds nothing.

I’m not saying people can’t be childfree or be happy about it, obviously. But there’s a time and place. When someone is clearly struggling, it comes across a bit smug and lacking in empathy.

I’d call them out myself I I was on those boards (because I’m not interested or wanted). Although, sometimes it might be wiser to ignore and not give them any satisfaction. Something I could do with remembering at times.

If only we could have a dickhead free site.

You are betraying your ignorance of a topic here in exactly the same way for which you are criticising women without children.

Infertility cannot always be overcome, and so in order to live a happy life it’s necessary to find peace with that.

Joining a community of women who have made good, happy lives without children offers hope that it’s possible, and helps overcome exactly the sort of prejudice that the parents here so often display against women without children.

The MNers without Children board is an important part of this very large and extensive forum because the membership is largely women. The recognition that women come in both parent and non-parent forms is very important, and emphasises that it’s being part of a community of women that matters.

It is NOT the “childfree board”, it’s the Mumsnetters Without Children Board and it’s for people who don’t have children full stop. Not just for those who have chosen not to have them. We all rub along very well and respect each other’s situations and choices. And no, the Infertility boards, where there are people still hoping to conceive, aren’t really the place for those who are done with fertility treatment (or chose not to have it) and coming to terms with a future without children. Hope that helps your understanding.

It might not just be for those who have chosen not to have them but those who have chosen not to have them are the ones causing the problems, tbh.

Is it actually going to comfort someone who is infertile to be told by someone who has chosen not to have them that they should consider themselves lucky? Obviously it won’t. Twisting this round and claiming that the infertile desperately need this incredibly valuable board is just plain wrong, to be blunt about it.

It’s a friendly and supportive board to be fair, until the mums come on to tell us we’re wrong.

But nobody does that on there. And if they do they will be called out.

And if pointing out what the Mumsnetters Without Children Board is for is “twisting things round”, well fuck me. It seems to me you are the one twisting things round in your efforts to show that the Mumsnetters Without Children Board shouldn’t exist. The childfree and childless not by choice manage to use the board together in a civilised way. It’s only when parents get involved and post disrespectfully that things go downhill. And no, saying on the MWC Board that you’re relieved not to have children is not disrespectful.

I have given you my view in my previous post - and I was childless not by choice and now happily child free. I think the MNers without Children board is really important. Listen to the experience and view of real women rather than making up your own.

I’m glad you’re happy now @SimonQuinlanksWeakLemonDrink.

I’m happily childfree & couldn’t care less about the parenting threads. I’m here for feminism & cats.

But we’ve been trying for ages to get the MWC board moved out of Active & MNHQ have refused.

100%

It probably isn't the place for someone who is still on their infertility journey in the hope it might be overcome.

But if she has reached the end of that journey without the outcome she desperately wanted, a community focusing on the positives and practicalities (things like inheritance choices) of a childfree life may be of more help than a community still focused on the aim of pregnancy which is now never going to happen for that individual.

Is it actually going to comfort someone who is infertile to be told by someone who has chosen not to have them that they should consider themselves lucky?

Tell me you've never been on the childfree board without telling me you've never been on the childfree board.🙄

That just isn't how it works on there. Sometimes there are threads aimed specifically at CFBC or CFNBC and that is respected. Many threads are relevant to both.

Ultimately we are all living the rest of our lives without children, however we have arrived at that point, and there are common experiences - handling judgement and inappropriate questions; the logistics of old age and inheritance, the practical and financial advantages of not having children to look after, factor into decisions and provide for financially - all those things exist whether or not you feel fundamental happiness or sorrow at not having children.

Is the child free MNers hidden?

No. We’ve been trying to get HQ to take it out of active for ages, but they refuse.

And notices at the top of posts saying that the OP only wants viewpoints from MNers without children don’t work either.

Is that sarcasm? Difficult to tell online.

Given the spite evident in the quote to which I was responding, I’d say it was pretty easy to tell.

That means yes? 😂

.Please don't call us "the infertile" . It's a vile way of referring to people like me who struggled for years to deliver a living child and for whom IVF was unsuccessful.
I'll probably never come to terms with being childless, but visiting the MNers Without Children board and reading posts from child free people who are happy with their lives helps me so much.

Is your name from the Romney Marsh books?

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that @TamzinGrey .

It is indeed @EmpressaurusKitty.. Tamzin has been my life long hero ❤️

I was told that i shouldnt be in social housing unless i have kids. Despite the fact i only live in a one bedroom flat.

What a load of bollocks.

Do you mean me or them? It was on a thread on this site

I mean the idea that someone without kids shouldn’t have a right to social housing (sorry for not being clearer).

Thats ok no probs ................yeah its ridiculous isnt it

Yeah, those of us without kids are just second class citizens aren’t we.