to find childfree comments on parenting forums insensitive?

[HazelMember]

I’ve noticed this a lot lately. Someone will post saying they’re struggling with their DC. Maybe they’re exhausted, dealing with behaviour, feeling overwhelmed, trying to keep them entertained with school holidays. childcare stuff.

Someone pops up with “this is why I’m childfree” or “so glad I dodged that bullet”

I just don’t get the need to say it. Nobody is asking you to justify your life choices. It’s not a debate about whether having children is worth it.

It would be like me going onto a forum for people who can’t have children and saying “well I’ve got three and it’s amazing”, it is just completely insensitive to the situation and adds nothing.

I’m not saying people can’t be childfree or be happy about it, obviously. But there’s a time and place. When someone is clearly struggling, it comes across a bit smug and lacking in empathy.

I agree OP. I dont think its insensitive as such, its just being a dick. It's not just a child free thing either. People do that same about relationships 'that's why I'm single ha ha'. I have definitely noticed it on the parenting related threads most though. I've also noticed the opposite when someone is not happy with their life minimising the OPs issues'at least you can have children..' or 'my Mum died, you shouldn't criticise yours' or the constant one when someone is talking about holidays or renovations 'there is a COL crisis, you are so insensitive etc'. There are a lot of nasty and stupid people on MN, nothing better to do with their time. Best ignore them

But unfortunately they will and want. I don’t have have much to do with my parents but the legacy will make sure I will. Your children care about you and want you to have best care available.

Well said, and there are several examples of those vitriolic responses on this thread as well as on pretty much every thread on the childfree board. I really don’t understand why some posters are so arsey and defensive about childfree people.

I wouldn't have thought about going on a site that had mum (or dad) in its name if I wasn't thinking about a parenting or pregnancy/conception issue, personally. Yes, I know a lot of the issues could be Reddit/Bored Panda AIBU things, but you wouldn't necessarily expect people on those to be parents/considering becoming parents.

Out of curiosity…how did you get signposted to MN in the first instance in your 20s?

OP is talking about threads that are specifically about a parenting issue.

I was friends with a lesbian couple. One used to always say how if she had kids they would be disciplined (while slagging off her brother's parenting) and the other always made a point of saying how she was so glad she didn't have kids. I'm so glad I'm no longer in contact

On the food banks thread a comment on the very first page describes a child free single person being told that they wernt considered priority for help. Its things like this that piss childfree ppl off and thats why its good to have a board to discuss these things

Probably a google search. That's how I found MN. Quite often if I search for something re house, garden, diet etc, then on the first page of Google there will be a MN link.

It works both ways. There are many comments in the vein of "having DC is the best thing ever, you don't know what real love is if you don't have them", on the childfree board. A board where some posters are not childfree by choice, so parents can be just as insensitive.

This is not a valid argument to the OPs point?!

It’s like saying people say mean things about fat people but that’s ok because they also say mean things about skinny people. They are both not ok.

It's a bit of a dick move but there are also posts that would legitimately annoy childfree posters to be fair.

I have to agree. 95% of people are lovely. But once in a while… I was called hollow once on a thread because ‘there is nothing like a love between a mother and a child’. So I’m a second class citizen because my reproductive system doesn’t work. The weird thing is - my BRAIN does, particularly compared to that 5%.

PS. Drink your weak lemon drink NOW!

In my experience, the people most likely to hector people about good parenting practice are other parents - including my own! And my bloody grandma when she was around!!

She was forever harping on about what useless parents her children and grandchildren had turned out to be, and how her descendants were all insufferable brats as a result.

Being a sanctimonious twat / child-hating grouch is not the sole preserve of the childfree by any means.

I really don’t know why the child-free by choice people are on here. I don’t get it.

“It would be like me going onto a forum for people who can’t have children and saying “well I’ve got three and it’s amazing”, it is just completely insensitive to the situation and adds nothing.”

Have a look on the MNeters Without Children board and you’ll see loads of comments from smug mothers butting into posts and saying exactly what you’ve quoted, which is horribly insensitive to those like me who have had miscarriages, a still birth and years of unsuccessful IVF attempts.
I agree with you that it’s annoying and unnecessary for childfree people to pop up smugly on threads where parents are struggling, but it works both ways.

I found the thread titled “So relieved I didn’t have children’ to be insensitive, as below.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters/5451801-so-relieved-i-didnt-have-children

This is quite disturbing thread. I think it has no place on a Mumsnet forum even in the childfree space. It’s excessively nasty.

This ☝️

It happens on all threads really.
I remember a thread on Father's Day devoted to people who were LC/NC with their fathers. Many comments were along the lines of "I wish my dad was still alive" and gushing about how great he was... on a thread where people were talking about abuse etc.

Mumsnet is for everyone. How many boards on here are actually about parenting? They are vastly outnumbered by boards that are not.

Also agree. To be honest, I think it says more about them than anything else. Doesn't upset me but an unkind mindset. People do understand that children aren't an option for everyone, right?

usually about how they don't get enough sex.

Why is this so accurate 🤣

What did you find nasty about it?

I don’t love that thread either, but there are a lot of threads on MN I also don’t like. Just hide the threads / boards that bother you. Makes for a much nicer experience.

But most of the threads aren't about kids, really. The title is misleading but they won't change it now for branding reasons. Surely you can see that? There's huge sections dedicated to pets/health/shopping/relationships etc. It isn't solely for mums at all

But most of the threads aren't about kids, really. The title is misleading but they won't change it now for branding reasons. Surely you can see that? There's huge sections dedicated to pets/health/shopping/relationships etc. It isn't solely for mums at all. The most read topic is about elderly parents. The second is employment related.