to find childfree comments on parenting forums insensitive?

[HazelMember]

I’ve noticed this a lot lately. Someone will post saying they’re struggling with their DC. Maybe they’re exhausted, dealing with behaviour, feeling overwhelmed, trying to keep them entertained with school holidays. childcare stuff.

Someone pops up with “this is why I’m childfree” or “so glad I dodged that bullet”

I just don’t get the need to say it. Nobody is asking you to justify your life choices. It’s not a debate about whether having children is worth it.

It would be like me going onto a forum for people who can’t have children and saying “well I’ve got three and it’s amazing”, it is just completely insensitive to the situation and adds nothing.

I’m not saying people can’t be childfree or be happy about it, obviously. But there’s a time and place. When someone is clearly struggling, it comes across a bit smug and lacking in empathy.

are you raising your kids to work in nursing homes then? How wonderful! And how selfless of you to have raised taxpayers just for us!
10% of the under 25s are unemployed and rising, most of them will never work so becoming quite the burden. I would say we have a surplus of humans right now so we don’t need any more.
Don’t buy into the human Ponzi scheme.

Actually why not? I worked in a nursing home when I was a student studying OT and I enjoyed it, it was a very humbling experience. I also volunteered with a number of mental health charities for experience, what's wrong with that?

I dont buy into your bitterness and negativity.

I think this is a reflection of a type of person, a person who is at best thoughtless or is simply insensitive. A person who needs to make themselves feel better by crapping on other's life choices. I'm seeing more of this but as pp have said, not just in relation to having kids or stressful jobs, but in all forums, discussing various different things. I hope no one I know irl would ever have such poor emotional intelligence.

It's really boring. They can jog on.

It happens across a number of boards. I’ve seen posts on the Black MNers board that explicitly say they’re looking for experiences of Black posters and a white poster will chime in, sometimes in an exact replica of the scenario the OP is posting about.

Yes, that always happens and st least one person will say “I was like you, I thought I didn’t want children then I had one and I realised I was wrong, children are my world”

I mean just as well I guess, since you can’t send them back, but bore off all the same.

Mumsnet isn’t exactly a collection of the sharpest tools in the box. I ignore any viper comments, what the fuck do i care if some random disagrees or makes a bitchy comment. Forums aren’t a place for thin skin, whatever the subject.

I actually see no issue with childfree people posting on mumsnet. I did it long before I had kids anyway.

And with someone with children, I can't be done with this whole "my children will look after you and pay you pension argument".

People without children aren't second class citizens. They don't owe gratitude for me for the choices I made to become a mother. I'm guessing people with children use a lot less recourses than I do as a parent and are currently paying taxes that will be funding schools, education, child benefit and pension for your current elderly relatives.

People with the children don't have the moral superior high ground. As a society we all benefit from each other.

I think everyone has misread OP.
Thread title is deceptive too.
She's NOT saying childfree people should stop posting here.

There are a couple of posters who regularly pop up on threads about children's behaviour and childcare who are childfree and don't like children. Just fuck off. I get that "mumsnet by parents for parents" has subforums that do not relate to parenting that maybe of interest. But I don't understand the need to post on threads about children to let us all know how much you dislike them.

I find it absolutely bizarre that people who "choose to be childfree" and are happy about it, would even bother frequenting a forum like mumsnet.

It's like me being vegan then joining a steak forum for the community just to go on about how much I don't want to eat steak!

A woman I work with is child-free, and she never shuts up about it.
Who’s she trying to convince??

The other day, she said that she wanted to go on a holiday during term time, and her friend has 2 children at primary school.
So, it’s out of the question for her pal.

My colleague’s response to that was: well, you had kids! It’s your own fault if you can’t go on term time holidays’.

I can only imagine the look on her friend’s face when she heard that.
It’s just a witless thing to say.

Now, can you reflect a bit on how that last, nasty comment would land with one of the many women here who have been on these boards while struggling with infertility and are childfree not by choice?

In my experience there is nothing so vitriolic on these boards as a parent who has decided to come on the MNers without children boards to give us all a good scolding. I honestly have rarely seen the sort of post the OP talks about, but sheer nastiness from parents towards childless and childfree women on any part of this forum is widespread and commonplace.

I joined here originally when I was trying to conceive and having trouble.

I came back when I was looking for tips on removing a stain from a carpet. I have posted on threads relating to property, diy, gardening, relationships, books, tv, food, Christmas, education, health, travel. Which of those require me to have a child in order to comment?

The menopause boards have helped me through one of the worst experiences of my life. Do I need to have had a child to be valid there?

I have also offered advice to others using my professional skills and knowledge, unrelated to parenting. Would you consider that advice invalid because I don’t have a child?

The parenting boards here are vastly outnumbered by other boards. This community is valuable when it works well because it includes a huge number of woman from all backgrounds and walks of life. Excluding MNers without children would be ridiculous.

Some of the responses do seem to be suggesting that though.

Hard agree. We’ve had people coming on the Mumsnetters Without Children board saying “you may not regret your choice now,but mark my words you will when you get old and lonely”.

Your intention was to have children, that's what brought you here in the first place. You didn't come to mumsnet looking for advice about gardening, menopause or other aspects of your life at the time, did you?

Yes, there are many sub forums on here that are helpful. I'm not saying it's not. I'm saying I find it weird that anybody would come on here for advice about anything other than parenthood to begin with, especially those who have made the conscious decision to not have children. That's it.

If I need advice on building work, I'll be on Mybuilder.
If I need advice on accountancy/taxes, I'll go to Sage forums.
If I need advice on travel, I would be looking on Tripadvisor.

My go to would not be mumsnet, that is all.

I'm not saying they cant post, I'm just saying I find it odd. :)

My best friend is children. I have two teens and it has been tough. Two SS referrals of our family and aftermath. I can see it’s easy for to leave dinner dishes for tomorrow which wouldn’t work for us. She made her choices and we ours. I never oversaturate her our problems. But she herself has raised questions who should take care of her when she is old. Difficult question.

So am I legitimate, but others aren’t? Or am I ‘odd’, in your words? I find policing of membership of this very extensive forum distasteful. It is a very large, primarily female forum which is rare enough that it makes it attractive to a wide range of women. It is by now barely about parenting at all. If you can’t see beyond parenting that says more about you than me.

I don't understand the "who will look after you in your old age" type comments. I have a child and he won't be looking after me! I hope he will out living his life.

I should have made the title clearer.

As @JaneFondue said I am not saying childfree people should stop posting.

Tbf that would only be comparable if mumsnet had only child related discussions. It doesn't.

I got addicted to looking up general life advice on mumsnet in my late twenties before I even knew what childfree was. And then reading about all the shit husbands and wild kids on here slowly but surely cemented my decision to not have children as I entered my 30s. So thanks Mumsnet! 😃 I just haven't broken my scrolling habits on here despite designating my uterus as a no go zone.

I do agree in general about posting unhelpful opinions on sensitive threads but people just love to voice their opinions whether wanted or not. Such is life and the Internet.

Wouldn't be a problem....

Sorry, but your username has distracted me and made me want to push you into a swimming pool wearing shoulder pads, a bouffant hairdo and a lot of diamonds. (Never clear why Krystle and Alexis were always fighting over ghastly Blake, who was always killing his unfortunate son's lovers or feigning blindness to spy on people and disowning dozens of unknown adult children who just keep appearing like some kind of mad conveyor belt...)

Oh, the glamour of Dynasty...