Only knickers in the Co-op

[1981RickyVilla]

A teenage girl (aged 15 or 16, roughly) in front of me in the Co-op was wearing a crop-top and a pair of knickers only. Not bikini bottoms, not short shorts but cotton M & S midi style knickers. I didn’t say anything (none of my business and she probably wouldn’t have approved my sartorial choices either). If I had been her mother, seeing her before she left the house, I would have said that it looked unhygienic and wasn’t an appropriate way to go to the shops.
YABU: People of whatever age can dress how they like when they go to the Co-op.
YANBU: A mini-skirt or pair of shorts are a minimum requirement when you’re off to the shops.

Disgusting!

Yes I saw a girl in Crete walking around in thong bikini bottoms and a backpack. Looked like she was completely naked from the back.

What a horrible discriminatory comment. You could have set her straight on your interpretation of ‘casual to a reasonable level’ without mentioning nudity or sexualising her. It also sounds like to set the poor young woman up for failure with your odd dress code description. Why not just say smart casual or smart but no need to buy something new? Poor kid.

Are you for real? Someone turned up for a job interview in their underwear?!! Sorry, she deserved to be told how ridiculous she was being!!

Well anyone who thinks its appropriate to turn up to an interview in just their knickers sounds like they need it spelling out to them in explicit terms.

Although it's probably more of a Venn diagram in reality, I think people often conflate two very different things.

Men obviously shouldn't be objectifying, leering at and perving over women; but neither should women be wearing clothes that are clearly extremely unacceptable according to social norms.

If it were the other way around, with a man going out and about in public just wearing a thong, absolutely nobody would be saying that women should 'just don't look' and telling him to say sod the female gaze.

It shouldn't take a genius to work out that going for a job interview half naked is not a good look. Unless its an interview for a stripper of course 🤣

Wouldn’t happen in Waitrose…

Perhaps he should have walked over to the window and stood there pointedly looking out until she had left the room.

Working at Sainsbury's i saw it quite a lot. Pyjamas, dressing gown and those fake suede Ugg boot type slippers . I happened to glance momentarily at one of these "delights" and got a mouthful of abuse 😆

Really? You’ve actually reported this??
You are clearly living in a bubble and need to get out more. There are plenty of young girls wearing this type of outfit.
perhaps you should go back to the potting shed with Ms bad vibes whilst the rest of us discuss this like adults.

Yes, I think it's a real stretch to blame men - or indeed other women - and tell them that they shouldn't feel free to glance around normally when out in public.

The only person centring themselves is the one who goes out in public dressed highly inappropriately - and then orders anybody who feels uncomfortable to not look at anything in the direction of where they happen to be standing; that's an extremely self-important viewpoint to take.

Obviously nobody should be pointedly looking or staring at another person; but when you have to go out of the way to restrict your natural visual awareness because of somebody deciding that they 'own' the view of the wider public space in which they're standing, that really isn't on.

The problem is parents stopped saying 'you are NOT going out dressed like that young lady' in an attempt to be cool. Cool parenting has a lot to answer for.

Jesus! I am not generally one to judge what others are wearing but yes that’s not appropriate or hygienic or anything tbh! Why would you do that?

the other day miles from the beach or any swimming pool, wasn’t even that hot a lady was walking around a family event with a swimsuit on, wouldn’t be so bad but it was about 3 sizes too small, see through, and she had black underwear on! At least she had underwear on I guess but I’m sure she must have been wearing it is an ‘outfit’. She was also a bigger lady, I’m all for body confidence regardless of size (overweight myself) but it was doing nothing! He was fluorescent in colour too. Even my 10 year old mentioned it, she never speaks badly of anyone or takes any notice to what other were wearing!

You'd go fully dressed and undress there surely?

Thing is we didn't go out dressed like that - left the house looking respectable then stashed half the clothing in a plastic bag behind the shed ... and went on our merry way. Or rolled our skirts up till they were knicker grazingly short as soon as we got round the corner from home...

You obviously notice it, but don't treat them any differently from anybody else. If you're speaking to them or otherwise interacting with them, you look into their eyes/at their face like you would with anybody else; if you aren't, you don't focus on their face, like with anybody else.

Somebody with a facial disfigurement hasn't on any way deliberately decided to behave or dress inappropriately or offensively in public. Catching sight of their face when glancing around normally in public is a non-event, as you do expect to see lots of faces when out and about. However, you very much don't expect - or want - to see bottoms and underwear when out and about.

😂, a dd was at uni there, and on a first midwinter visit we were gobsmacked to see girls out on a freezing cold night in just skimpy little dresses, boys in short sleeved shirts.

Dd explained that they just couldn’t be arsed to queue up to hand coats in at nightclubs.

As she said, in winter it was easy to spot the locals!

I have a theory that their hardiness is genetic, inherited from Erik Bloodaxe and his ilk, who crossed the North Sea in longships. Any insufficiently tough ones would have died en route. Or probably chucked overboard if they complained about it being a bit parky.

It impacts you as man how? It makes you feel guilty for being turned on by a teen's undies?

Stuff of nightmares, quite literally. I have recurring bad dreams in which I'm walking around city streets in my bra and knickers, having somehow lost the other clothes, and forlornly hoping that nobody notices.

If it were the other way around, with a man going out and about in public just wearing a thong, absolutely nobody would be saying that women should 'just don't look' and telling him to say sod the female gaze.

Good lord, there would be uproar on here. I've seen posts on MN where men have been berated for having their beer belly hanging out.

It's been done to death that it's no one's business and if a female, of any age, wants to walk about with her fanny flaps out that's her choice.

Maybe so, but just don't sit down without having the good grace to disinfectant the seat afterwards.

I know this is MN, but men - like women - can feel uncomfortable at seeing somebody who's very inappropriately dressed in public without being sexually 'turned on' by them.

Lots of women on this (and other) threads have commented negatively about girls and young women dressing inappropriately and how they don't want to see their underwear and have to avert their gaze or adjust their own (normal) behaviour - I'm sure they aren't all predatory paedophile lesbians.

I'm a late 50s hetero woman and I feel uncomfortable when I see someone half dressed in the street, not turned on or anything. I can see how it makes men uncomfortable and for them it's worse as inadvertenly 'copping an eyeful' is going to make them look like a dirty old man.

I agree. I think the whole concept of 'shaming' has gone too far, and is often used grossly errantly when parents are simply parenting and guiding their children as to what is or isn't appropriate - or indeed other adults who maybe need a bit of friendly assistance (who maybe were never well parented themselves).

Why obey parents or bother adhering to what is socially acceptable when, instead, you can just do whatever you want and accuse people of 'shaming' you?

Maybe 'shopper shaming' will become 'a thing' soon, when thieves take exception to being told that stealing from shops isn't acceptable - as nobody should be trying to make them feel bad for not paying when they've made their own choice that suits them.

I wouldn't feel comfortable seeing a woman walking round town in bikini bottoms either.

Perhaps shops should have a dress code. No pyjamas, dressing gowns, or just underwear.