Sex or not to sex…

[Tiillytubby]

AIBU? I love my partner, and I’m happy and looking forward to our future lives together…but, I have close to zero desire to have sex. Not with him, not with anyone, and I’m totally content with that. I don’t want to ‘supplement with testosterone’ or read smutty prose to get myself in the mood. I’m completely content with my low sex drive. It feels to me as if this is simply a natural phase of my cyclical life span…mother into crone. Why do we fear this stage?? Genuinely asking as to me i don’t feel ‘wrong’; quite the opposite. (F46)

Well, you do you. Question is, how does he feel an about a sexless future?

Well, it wouldn’t be utterly utterly sexless; but I guess he’s free to go if it’s an absolute dealbreaker…

I'm the same and I'm younger than you. I find the whole thing quite gross really and have no desire for my PH to be messed with by any man.

You’re being perfectly reasonable. you are entitled to not want sex at all. We can’t all keep having sex forever until the day we die, and a time will come when we cannot or we don’t want to any more.
presumably your partner knows this already ? Maybe they feel the same ? Or do they ? Have you discussed it ?

Wouldn’t work for me, but of course, you do you. But, is he also happy with it? If he is, all good. If he’s not? That is a problem.

Totally up to you. How does your partner feel??

Personally at 47 my sex life if full and incredibly satisfying. The thought of never having sex again is awful.

Can you not just have sex for his sake? You obviously like him and is it such a big deal? Not every five minutes but enough to keep him happy?

You are, of course, entirely justified in deciding that you no longer want to have sex, or to only have sex on a very infrequent basis.

At the same time your partner is entirely justified if he decided that he doesn't want to be in a sexless relationship and so leave you.

Didn't they call that conjugal rights?

tbh I do somewhat understand and agree with all these replies so far, yes, the relationship is healthy and it’s almost become a bit of a running joke between us. His sex drive has lessened, being almost 50, just not to quite the same extent as mine. It’s just every article and every insta post i see is ‘you could be low on testosterone; that’s why you don’t want sex!’ but there’s nothing saying…’do you know what? at 46 with 2 grown kids it’s ok but to want as much sex..,’

Surely there’s your answer then? If you’re happily compatible then you’re all good. If not, then you split.

There’s nothing quite like the knowledge that you’ve bought yourself a fortnight’s grace after ten minutes of perfunctory sex is over.

seriously though, this suggestion might be misconstrued as giving into sex she doesn’t want just to keep a man happy.

My ex lost his sex drive, we stayed together for 5 years after this. The killer for me wasn’t the lack of sex, but his lack of interest in getting it sorted or any exploration into what was wrong. He knew it was important to me, but didn’t even want to investigate what was happening.

by all means do what you are comfortable with, but just be aware your partner didn’t sign up for life as a monk or a nun. If you are content that this could end you relationship then be honest about that and let them choose what life they want

I don’t think anyone has ever implied it’s not ok for people not to want as much sex as they age. But some people ARE interested in reigniting it because they enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with that either.

I absolutely could not do this. I have friends who do but I just….couldn’t.

right?!?!?! have I found my kinfolk? 💕🤣

absolutely. and tbh it’s always enjoyable…I orgasm every time and we are compatible. It’s just the raw desire seems to elude me.

We have all been there.

It's fine to not want sex any more. But that might have implications for your relationship if you want to keep it.

I'd be happy to never have sex again. I'm just not interested. But dh would be really sad. I love him and I want him to be happy so we have sex once a week on average. Sometimes less, never more. So more than I would ideally want, less than he would ideally want. It's a compromise.

You sound like you have a good healthy relationship, just do what works for you.

You need to tell him exactly how you feel.

Are you post menopause? My last period was age 51 and in my late 40s my libido went through the roof! I thought about it all the time. I do miss that desire but now 55 it’s levelled out and it’s still important to me but not at the forefront of my mind and yes the raw desire isn’t there . DH is much the same. It’s less often but really good when it happens.Vaginal oestrogen helps btw.

"Hey DH, I only said yes to having sex with you not because I actually wanted to but it felt easier to have a half-hearted shag rather than have an honest conversation with you about how I feel. It was basically a pity fuck in the hopes that it'd shut you up for a couple of weeks. Thanks for not taking too long and for god's sake don't fool yourself into thinking that I actually desire you or anything gross like that. You're not sexually attractive to me in any way. Sleep well!"

How deeply depressing.

Weve not had sex for at least 5 maybe 7 years and it's blissful. But it's important both people are happy. I'm 56 and he's 52 if that matters, no kids

I'm exactly the same as you, same age.
I married a (decent) man three decades older, so I'm left alone now and very content with that.
Unless your partner is alright with a sexless relationship, you will probably be put off, sooner or later.