10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

No problem - honestly my brain is fried 😂😭

Well I made a real effort to cook and leave baby in livingroom with monitor. Dd had a 2 hour contact nap. I couldn't move. Then I followed her cue and when she was yawning. I though great let's have bedtime a little bit earlier tonight. Nope. Ive spent two hours soothing her. Shes sleeping on me no issues. Whenever put down in cot she is waking up. So I've brought her downstairs. Its 10pm, wide awake baby and now I'm grumpy.

Well whatever you do for gods sake don’t put the tv on
😂😂😂😂

Nothing wrong with some independent play - I wish my babies had done this! Enjoy your coffee ❤️

Ms Rachel, ms rachel... where are you?!

Where's DH in all this? It might be easier for him to settle her if she's used to sleeping on you?

Why did you change the cot? Can you go back if she slept better previously?

Why be so unkind to a new mother? Competitive busyness is very boring.

Id love to go back to previous cot but it was the next to me and we had to change to big cot as she was pulling herself up. She slept all night in the next to me. I miss it

Is she teething? My similarly aged baby usually sleeps through the night in her cot but has teeth are coming through at the moment so only really sleeps when she's held. It might be a phase that settles down.

How did the play pen while cooking work out?

Very well. I will continue doing it.

Yay! Pleased for you. Just need to conquer the sleeping issue now! Then you’ll get down-time.

Mine (both kids) always slept 3 hours in the day from 9.30am - 12.30, then when slightly older, 12.30 - 3.30. And all night too. Loved it! Was so long ago now though, I can’t remember how I managed it. They were bottle-fed though, so this may have helped. Did neither of them any harm. Both in grammar secondary schools one of which, in the top 3 state grammars in the UK!

For the high chair screaming thing, I taped a huge cardboard box to the side of my son’s and filled it with all sorts of interesting crap for him to look at. If he threw it, it didn’t matter because I would pull something else out and give it to him. It looked hideous and got covered in yoghurt but saved my sanity.

The book Matrescence by Lucy Jones is a good read if you’re interested in how parenting culture has changed over the years and the pressure it puts on new mums.

Where was your husband?

My boy never settled in a cot. I eventually gave in and got a floor bed so I can lay with him to settle. The cot was the biggest waste of money 😂

Not sounds like, IS. He’s a judgemental asshole who literally does fuck all parenting, can’t look after his own 10mo for 10 minutes without involving you, expects breaks from work and is pissed about having to do any housework in the evening- single men have to do housework outside of work hours and they don’t have a loving wife cooking them a separate vegetarian dinner. Tearing strips off you for ordering buttered toast for your dc because of the salt but suggesting Mac and cheese for baby when he’s the one staring at a menu- he’s a royal asshole and he’s failing at being a dad and a husband. Op, he needs to be on the cooking team, you can’t do it all. And you need to say I’m cooking, take dd, it upsets her to see me so you’re job is to parent without coming into the kitchen or her seeing me. Think of something else to do with her. You’re her dad. Do not bring her into the kitchen because you can’t think of anything else. If you do, I will assume it’s intentional refusing to parent because I have been so crystal clear, and I will take dd and you will finish cooking,including the meat.

Well dd eventually went to sleep in her cot at 1115pm for 45mins and then woke up. Shes now next to me in bed tossing and turning. Im waiting until she falls asleep before moving to her cot, again. And so this is my bedtime routine until 4am-ish... or earlier, whenever i give up, really.

Hence why I like my coffee and eastenders in the morning 😭😭 im so annoyed bedtime has been going on since 8pm!!!!

So this is why I cant batch cook when she falls asleep because they are such short windows and then I go to bed. Then during the day its contact naps. I would love to wake up earlier but i dont get a good sleep with half the night of battling against cot and then I dont sleep right when she is in our bed.

Feel like much a failure at bedtime.

I hate how she slept through until 9 months. I hate how she wont sleep through unless shes in my bed. I am so fucking tierd.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks where’s DH whilst this is going on?

In cot now, sleeping.
Well, this is my cue to try and sleep a little until the next wake up.
This chat has been interesting today!
But i would love to hear all your sleep tips as I am finding this incredibly frustrating. How do we go back to 11hr stretches😭😭
How do I stop contact naps or do I just limit them? How do I stop cosleeping, as lovely as it is I get a rubbish sleep and I don't feel comfortable doing it. Actually considering paying for a sleep consultant at this rate!!!

He pottering around doing housework to be fair. And hes taken our dog on another walk.

Anything but parent so

Those evenings sound shit. Your dh needs to be playing a full parenting role for an hour or so of bedtime!!
my babies were terrible sleepers until 9 or 10 months. I was so tired. My dh didn’t help overnight which nearly ended us, but even though I think that makes him a huge asshole who completely failed me, he still came home and made dinner every day after work, made them high iron meals because my iron levels were on the floor, and never said a single thing about the house or me staring at the tv in zombie mode. Every weekend morning he got up with baby from 6am and I slept.

Hand her to husband and you go walk dog....I know won't work but the thought.lol so sorry she isn't sleeping

I took the “Taking Cara babies” course when my oldest was six months and it saved my sanity. Was able to get him on a sleep schedule and back to sleeping through the night within a few days. https://www.takingcarababies.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoqe-0BbUVU1GEwTejc-sWtCT8baAQOEGzIEQdFGoydI9Pbb06cd

Sounds so tough, OP! Based on what you've said, I think her first nap might be too late. My LO is a couple of weeks younger than your DD. His first nap is around 3 hours after he wakes up, and then the second nap is around 3 hours 40 mins after the first nap. We try not to let him sleep past 4pm, otherwise it would make Bedtime too late.

We've been very lucky in that he's always been good in his next to me crib and his big cot (touch wood!), and before we did sleep training, he would always nap in his carrier or the pram so I could do errands etc. So I can't help too much with co-sleeping. My friends who coslept has success with Hannah Love though - she has a book that explains her gentle method.

Wow I am amazed at the responses on this thread. I thought MumsNet was supposed to be a place mums could come to for advice without judgement. Guess not!

OP having a morning coffee while your child is happy in their play pen is NOT lazy! Every parent deserves some time to themselves in whichever way they can get it- as long as babies needs have been met and baby is safe that is all that matters. Would be a different story if baby was locked in playpen all day long and you just ignored baby to do your own thing but from your post it is clear that isn't the case.

There is also so much hate on the screen time too- do people not realise that is the world we live in now. Kids in school do the majority of their work (especially in high school) on screens. Same as a lot of workplaces. As long as their is a mix of screen time, play, reading, walks etc what is the issue?

Both my sons had screen time from a young age (probably a lot more than they should have based on this thread)- all educational stuff when younger that morphed into their likes the older they got.

Both my boys are highly intelligent, great marks, always top of their classes. Since starting high school my son hasn't had less than 100% in any Maths exam (he used to do a lot of math apps on screens when younger)- he's almost finished the 2nd year of high school now.

They are both polite, respectful and behave when out and about. The youngest loves to read and you will often find him drawing or creating a new book. Loves to craft and has an amazing imagination.

They has a LOT of screen time growing up- but we also played together, socialised and taught our kids boundaries and manners. They can entertain themselves when needed and interact with others when needed- they can do BOTH.

So no- screentime isn't going to turn a child into someone with a short attention span that has awful behaviour.

You also then have the opposite- those parents who have had baby glued to them from day one, no screens, nothing and when older those kids don't have a clue how to self entertain, need attention 24/7 and have outbursts of bad behaviour when they don't get what they want because they are used to being centre of attention 24/7. I've seen it in friends children who took a different approach to me- who have even said to me now that they wish they would of done things differently in the younger years.

OP you do what works for you, remember you are doing your best and finding what works for you & your child. There is no such thing as a perfect parent and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As long as your child is loved & cared for (which it sounds like she is) that's all that matters.