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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

806 replies

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:18

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 20:33

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:12

I remember telling dh what I had at a cafe I went to. I like to ramble and tell him every little detail 🙈 I mention how dd has toast and butter. He asked the salt content. I said I didnt check as most of it ended on thr floor. It was more about texture and keeping her occupied. She had a tiny bit to eat. Her went off on one, you shouldn't be ordering blindly do u know how bad salt is etc. I told him that if he feels that strongly perhaps he would like to be more involved in meal making? The following weekend we went out. I wasnt planning on ordering for dd as I had brought her some snacks. He scanned the kids menu and asked proudly, shall we order her the mac and cheese. We didnt. But I thought how idiotic!

Honestly, what a twat

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:33

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:31

😂😂😂 thats why I never replied I was genuinely like wtf 😂😂

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Glad that is all cleared up, thought I was going crackers! Off to pick up the teen from her Saturday job now and will bow out….good luck OP, you are doing fab!

Avie29 · 11/04/2026 20:36

Sorry of this has already been said but I can’t remember, is she breastfed OP?

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:36

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:30

So out of everything your advice is marriage counselling? After I've repeatedly asked what your point is? Any advice / opinions about my child/routine? Do you have kids?

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2 kids. I just parented according to how I felt was right for them as individuals.
Yep, tv here and there.

had a playpen for eldest.
not for youngest as hated it.

husband and i on same page. Certainly he never name called and he wasn’t ever “going off on one” to me about salt content in bread I’d given, and then being as thick as a plank of wood by ordering her mac and cheese a week later

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:38

Avie29 · 11/04/2026 20:36

Sorry of this has already been said but I can’t remember, is she breastfed OP?

Nope. I tried. Didnt happen.

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 20:39

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:43

I do housework i want to clarify my last post. Its just I found i was absolutely knackered when he was finishing work. Then having his dinner made and I was still doing all bedtimes etc and wake ups. So now when I do bedtime he does some housework. He thinks this is totally unfair but I wasnt in charge of all housework before pregnancy so why is it now my job?? He suggested cutting back baby groups to do more housework. Told him to f off!

DH’s he thinks it’s unfair he has to do a bit of housework.

He just gets worse and worse

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:40

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:36

2 kids. I just parented according to how I felt was right for them as individuals.
Yep, tv here and there.

had a playpen for eldest.
not for youngest as hated it.

husband and i on same page. Certainly he never name called and he wasn’t ever “going off on one” to me about salt content in bread I’d given, and then being as thick as a plank of wood by ordering her mac and cheese a week later

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So you are married or single mum?

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 20:41

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:40

So you are married or single mum?

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Widow

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:42

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:41

Widow

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I'm sorry to hear that x

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 20:44

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:42

I'm sorry to hear that x

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Thank you

x

and I’m sorry too if you haven’t liked my posts

Curlydaisies · 11/04/2026 20:46

DalmationalAnthem · 10/04/2026 23:22

What's his packed itinerary and chores list when he is parenting by himself?

Exactly!

thepariscrimefiles · 11/04/2026 20:47

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

I've seldom read such a sour and misogynistic sentence as this one:

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking.'

OP's on maternity leave and she has been up half the night with her baby (her husband never wakes up) and she's watching TV while drinking a cup of coffee.

My ex-MIL never went out to work but spent her days finding unnecessary housework to do because she had to 'keep busy'. My first baby had two 2-hour naps each day and I did a lot of 'lolling around' reading and watching TV while he slept.

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:48

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:44

Thank you

x

and I’m sorry too if you haven’t liked my posts

Edited
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Thats the equivalent of "I'm sorry you feel like that" 😂
Anyway, I'm sure we both have better places to channel our energy rather than sending unfriendly comments to each other.
Youre alright, Posner.

OP posts:
Skippinglightly · 11/04/2026 20:48

You and your DH may have an activity pattern mismatch. I like to be up and at ‘em from about 6am and then knock off and put the TV on at about 2pm. My husband has a relaxed coffee in bed then wants to sit down and talk about the day’s news for an hour after breakfast. He will be busy intermittently for much longer in the day than me. I cannot stand his way of doing things and he can’t stand mine, I see his need to relax throughout the day when there are things to be done as lazy and he sees my more driven approach until the days ToDo list is ticked off as ridiculous. I don’t know what the answer is, I just wonder if this is what is happening for you. We have a small business even though we are officially retired.

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:50

I spoke to him not long ago and he said when everything is laid out he sounds like a dick.

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 20:51

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:48

Thats the equivalent of "I'm sorry you feel like that" 😂
Anyway, I'm sure we both have better places to channel our energy rather than sending unfriendly comments to each other.
Youre alright, Posner.

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No i was being genuine both in thanks and apology

Original poster
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:54

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:51

No i was being genuine both in thanks and apology

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Maybe in your own way. That's why i said you're alright.
Sorry for implying, we'll no, for saying you were mentally unwell 🙈🙈

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 21:00

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:54

Maybe in your own way. That's why i said you're alright.
Sorry for implying, we'll no, for saying you were mentally unwell 🙈🙈

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Oh i missed that anyway!

one eye on tv!

BudgetBuster · 11/04/2026 21:04

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:15

"I'm not a nan I'm a much more recent mum and I've watched as all the mums who didn't let their baby ever fuss, co-slept, contact napped now have primary aged children who are crap sleepers, because no they never did get much better or learn to get to sleep by themselves. As a result their kids struggle to regulate their emotions as they are constantly shattered."

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I coslept and contact napped with my son.
He had just turned 2 and sleeps a solid 11 hours at night alone in his own room now...

Meanwhile my best friend has a 6 year old who never coslept etc and guess what.. she gets up at 2am until 5 or 6am every single night.

Cosleeping doesn't cause dusregulated children. It saves many a mother from going absolutely insane.

RB68 · 11/04/2026 21:06

I think its time for him to have a Dad weekend - where are you off to?

Luckyingame · 11/04/2026 21:18

@ILoveFatFaceSocks
@Posner
You ladies definitely hit it off!
😁

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 11/04/2026 21:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 21:53

BudgetBuster · 11/04/2026 21:04

I coslept and contact napped with my son.
He had just turned 2 and sleeps a solid 11 hours at night alone in his own room now...

Meanwhile my best friend has a 6 year old who never coslept etc and guess what.. she gets up at 2am until 5 or 6am every single night.

Cosleeping doesn't cause dusregulated children. It saves many a mother from going absolutely insane.

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I agree... This was me quoting somebody else. Hence the quotation marks. It's a long story...

Imtornanddontknowwhattodo · 11/04/2026 21:55

Yes agree @ILoveFatFaceSocks to have a nice day out and leave your DH to see how hard it is. You deserve it :)

BudgetBuster · 11/04/2026 21:56

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 21:53

I agree... This was me quoting somebody else. Hence the quotation marks. It's a long story...

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😂😂 Sorry, I realised that afterwards when I read on but couldn't delete for some reason

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