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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

806 replies

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:18

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

OP posts:
Caplin · 11/04/2026 19:45

Posner · 11/04/2026 19:15

If I was in this kind of relationship, yes I imagine I would find life tough 💐

Replied to wrong post!

Peonies12 · 11/04/2026 19:51

it’s your decision. But I don’t think a baby should have that much screen time. It’s not even like theyre waking up early. And just watch tv on a tablet with headphones whilst she contact naps? That’s what I always do.

beeble347 · 11/04/2026 19:52

If you're asking for honest opinions, OP, I wouldn't do that. My almost 14 month old used to only contact nap, now he'll do pram naps as well thank goodness but I do get it's hard graft. But I used to consider the contact naps my downtime. Can't you watch Netflix on your phone, volume turned right down or with headphones? Tbh when mine was only contact napping, I only watched TV with DH after he'd gone to bed - bit extreme but I'd literally forgotten Netflix on a mobile existed 😂

Mine also has a massive playpen, maybe we have the same one. He only goes in it when I'm prepping his food, trying to cook or clean something like his highchair post-meal or the floor (I get him in and out when he's not happy or for a break). I don't think he's ever done a 30 min stretch, he was in it for more time over the day on Christmas eve and the day before his birthday while we were prepping food but he had me, DH and his uncle in the house entertaining him whenever needed. He does play in it independently and I do think that's important.

I just don't get why you need a 30-60 min break from your child first thing though. It's obv become part of your routine but that's quite a while not to be interacting with them at all, and just for watching TV. Can't you have your coffee while they play next to you? Maybe they're a bit burned out of the playpen by the time it comes to you prepping dinner, you mentioned in one of your replies quite a few other times in the day that they're in it. I would also look at outings you've chosen as quality time / a brain break no?

Screen time - I do think it's really unnecessary for a 10 month old and if you treated it like it wasn't an option, there would be a viable alternative while you make dinner. A PP suggesting playpen with the monitor on is a good one.

I found making batches of freezer food re really helpful with mine, like a batch of pasta sauce and half filling a XL silicone ice cube tray, it really cut down the time spent making dinner cos you can just prep pasta/rice/steam some veg etc

Caplin · 11/04/2026 19:52

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 19:05

Haha. I thought exactly the same about you reading your comments.
To be honest with you it was the ridiculousness of claiming that primary aged children had problems with emotional regulation if they hadn't been "left to fuss".

And then the self-righteousness of claiming you were "reaping rewards" and your children and those who had followed your methods were all thriving whilst the poor breastfed, co-sleeping babies who weren't "left to fuss" were all knackered and unable to emotionally regulate 5-10 years later.

I don't cosleep but I do breastfeed on demand and don't let her fuss so I guess it did strike a nerve because you're talking utter rubbish with some kind of authority.

Again, glad your kids are thriving but there was no need to put others down initially and the fact you think that your "sleep training" has had a positive impact years later is utter bollocks I'm sorry to say.

Also, I never said kids would be emotionally disregulated at primary, think you are getting me confused with someone else. Maybe go figure who you are actually angry at.

I also breastfed to 21 months with DD1 and 13 months with DD2 when she quit. Not sure what that has to do with the price of eggs.

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 19:57

Posner · 11/04/2026 19:15

If I was in this kind of relationship, yes I imagine I would find life tough 💐

People attacking people for no reason
You cant be happy as no sane or happy person does that

OP posts:
Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:00

Caplin · 11/04/2026 19:44

If it helps you feel better (although I’m not sure why I triggered you so hard), I did it because eldest was a terrible sleeper. She had colic and screamed solidly for the first 12 weeks which killed my mental health, then nap time became highly regimented because if she didn’t sleep at set times of the day she was inconsolable.

She is an awesome teen, but likely neurodiverse and easily overstimulated which may explain why we needed blackout blinds, swaddle, hairdryer noise etc. but it is also true that when we cracked self soothing she has been a great sleeper. The word ‘strict’ which appears to have triggered you to the point you aren’t reading my posts through your rage cloud was on myself and my husband, not my kids. But yeah, after many many hours of standing by cots and gradually creeping out the room over weeks and months it did work. Wasn’t easy, certainly had set backs, requires huge commitment etc.

I’m sorry my kids not being emotionally disregulated by my outdated actions causes you such anger. If you are a crunchy mum who wears your kids and home schools then go you, that is fabulous for you.

We are all trying to get through this life with kids who can go out in the world and live their fabulous best lives. If I can pass on to mums to ignore the sanctimonious ‘baby experts’ following the latest fad (which will be labelled outdated and damaging in a decade from now so enjoy your righteous moment), and that there is no guilt in sleep training for your own sanity and your kid won’t be scarred for life because you stuck Peppa pig on in the background when you were knackered, then I’ll share. Here’s the thing, if you disagree that is totally cool, look away, ignore me. but you don’t need to attack me for being out of date. My kids are teens, I’m hardly parenting from the Stone Age.

Again you've neglected to mention why you put down other parenting styles when you said all those kids who coslept etc. are all apparently emotionally disregulated unlike your thriving children...

That's what annoyed me. You are being the sanctimonious mum you claim not to be by making such untrue and silly statement. It implicitly suggests you've done something right and are "reaping the rewards" of your parenting choice and they've done something wrong. On top of that what you suggested is literally not recommended anymore, but, as I said it was your self-righteousness that irked me most.

Please try and read what I'm actually saying. I told you what annoyed me initially but you chose not to adress it and pretend I was annoyed your kids weren't emotionally disregulated 😂.

Oh and FWIW I am far from crunchy and would never home school my kids. I speak to mine in French and that's about as far as any education for me goes 😂.

Look genuinely, I am glad your kids are doing well. Your initial tone and advice just came across badly.

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:07

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 19:57

People attacking people for no reason
You cant be happy as no sane or happy person does that

Saying I wouldn’t be happy in a marriage where I am called lazy is not attacking someone

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:08

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:00

Again you've neglected to mention why you put down other parenting styles when you said all those kids who coslept etc. are all apparently emotionally disregulated unlike your thriving children...

That's what annoyed me. You are being the sanctimonious mum you claim not to be by making such untrue and silly statement. It implicitly suggests you've done something right and are "reaping the rewards" of your parenting choice and they've done something wrong. On top of that what you suggested is literally not recommended anymore, but, as I said it was your self-righteousness that irked me most.

Please try and read what I'm actually saying. I told you what annoyed me initially but you chose not to adress it and pretend I was annoyed your kids weren't emotionally disregulated 😂.

Oh and FWIW I am far from crunchy and would never home school my kids. I speak to mine in French and that's about as far as any education for me goes 😂.

Look genuinely, I am glad your kids are doing well. Your initial tone and advice just came across badly.

Because I didn’t say that….so I have no clue what you are wanging on about. That was someone else that you are angry at so you are confusing me with your anger. I think all parents should do what works. Wear your kids, fine, sleep train, fine. No screens, fine. Bit of Peppa Pig, also fine.

Also not sure why you think it is outdated. I had a look online and if it is about PUPD I already said that it isn’t meant to be used after 6 months, the book says that. I’m not sure what is outdated? Anyway, it is up to others if they want to try it or not. Do what suits. I also know someone who did cry it out, her kids are also fine, even if I disagreed with her. Turns out there is more to healthy child development than how you get them to sleep as a baby.

beeble347 · 11/04/2026 20:08

OP if your child will pram nap have you considered getting her in the pram at nap time, going for a walk nearby then coming back home when she's asleep? It's what I've started doing with mine and it's a game changer!

All the stuff you've mentioned doing during dinner while she's on your phone is stuff you could do while she's napping/in bed asleep honestly. Even during a contact nap, that would be when I do life admin like the Tesco order. I also learned to do a lot while holding mine (cleaning the floor, dishwasher etc) if he was really fussy

RapunzelHadExtensions · 11/04/2026 20:14

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 00:14

I am very surprised with some responses. Yeah you are lazy? Some people i think make shit up on this website. "When DD was one I renovated a coffee, cured cancer and ran a marathon everyday, yet u have a morning coffee. Disgusting".

Honestly OP you sound great. I have a 7 month old and a similar routine/set up to you.
MN is wild sometimes.

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:15

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:08

Because I didn’t say that….so I have no clue what you are wanging on about. That was someone else that you are angry at so you are confusing me with your anger. I think all parents should do what works. Wear your kids, fine, sleep train, fine. No screens, fine. Bit of Peppa Pig, also fine.

Also not sure why you think it is outdated. I had a look online and if it is about PUPD I already said that it isn’t meant to be used after 6 months, the book says that. I’m not sure what is outdated? Anyway, it is up to others if they want to try it or not. Do what suits. I also know someone who did cry it out, her kids are also fine, even if I disagreed with her. Turns out there is more to healthy child development than how you get them to sleep as a baby.

Edited

"I'm not a nan I'm a much more recent mum and I've watched as all the mums who didn't let their baby ever fuss, co-slept, contact napped now have primary aged children who are crap sleepers, because no they never did get much better or learn to get to sleep by themselves. As a result their kids struggle to regulate their emotions as they are constantly shattered."

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:16

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:15

"I'm not a nan I'm a much more recent mum and I've watched as all the mums who didn't let their baby ever fuss, co-slept, contact napped now have primary aged children who are crap sleepers, because no they never did get much better or learn to get to sleep by themselves. As a result their kids struggle to regulate their emotions as they are constantly shattered."

That wasn’t me….

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:22

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:07

Saying I wouldn’t be happy in a marriage where I am called lazy is not attacking someone

All your posts are pointless, add no value and are no nasty. Youve also made things up.

so what's wrong ? because no happy person sits on mumsnet and does that ?

OP posts:
Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:23

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:16

That wasn’t me….

Hahaha sorry I am sleep deprived, but also if you had no clue what I was wanging on about why didn't you point out it wasn't you as I clearly referenced these comments numerous times 😂😂

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:26

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:22

All your posts are pointless, add no value and are no nasty. Youve also made things up.

so what's wrong ? because no happy person sits on mumsnet and does that ?

Heavens, real bee in your bonnet.

Being called lazy in a marriage. Being married to a man with critical opinions but who has never once cooked for his child… it’s all appalling and would be an unhappy marriage to me.

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:26

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:23

Hahaha sorry I am sleep deprived, but also if you had no clue what I was wanging on about why didn't you point out it wasn't you as I clearly referenced these comments numerous times 😂😂

I just wasn’t quite sure what you meant to be honest, after a couple of posts I was getting quite confused!

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:26

Caplin · 11/04/2026 20:26

I just wasn’t quite sure what you meant to be honest, after a couple of posts I was getting quite confused!

Again apologies! 😂 No wonder you were confused.

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:27

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:07

Saying I wouldn’t be happy in a marriage where I am called lazy is not attacking someone

I actually cant see any post where you've offered advice or your own experience. Correct me if im wrong. However, If im right, why is that? If not being nasty or bitchy... what were you setting out to do?

OP posts:
ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:28

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:26

Heavens, real bee in your bonnet.

Being called lazy in a marriage. Being married to a man with critical opinions but who has never once cooked for his child… it’s all appalling and would be an unhappy marriage to me.

But you didn't offer opinions or advice just snide remarks. Why?

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 20:28

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:27

I actually cant see any post where you've offered advice or your own experience. Correct me if im wrong. However, If im right, why is that? If not being nasty or bitchy... what were you setting out to do?

My advice…. Marriage counselling.

Calling the mother is his child lazy. Never cooking for his child but being so critical - doesn’t indicate a fundamentally decent person to me though

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:28

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:26

Again apologies! 😂 No wonder you were confused.

I was confused with you both 😂😂

OP posts:
Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:30

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:28

I was confused with you both 😂😂

Hahaha FFS this is what happens when you are getting next to no sleep 😂😭

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:30

Posner · 11/04/2026 20:28

My advice…. Marriage counselling.

Calling the mother is his child lazy. Never cooking for his child but being so critical - doesn’t indicate a fundamentally decent person to me though

So out of everything your advice is marriage counselling? After I've repeatedly asked what your point is? Any advice / opinions about my child/routine? Do you have kids?

OP posts:
Petrolitis · 11/04/2026 20:31

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:27

This is around 8am. Change her, feed her. Then pop her in playpen, she sits happily and plays with her toys (its huge and she has lots of toys there). I love having my coffee and watching a bit of telly. Its literally only 30/60mins and I only do this as she doesnt nap in her cot, never has! She would only nap in her moses basket months and months ago. Next to me, travel cot, big cot - nope. So all naps are contact and they have to be in bedroom or she wont nap on me lol so my morning coffee is my downtime for the day. Obv if she stands in the playpen and is looking at me I instantly give her attention and play. Or if she is every grumpy in there I take her out.
He said I have no reason to need a break first thing in morning and what is that teaching her etc.

First tell him to fuck off then tell him that he is neither your dad nor you boss so to keep his shitty comments about your downtime to himself.

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 20:31

Biscuit94 · 11/04/2026 20:30

Hahaha FFS this is what happens when you are getting next to no sleep 😂😭

😂😂😂 thats why I never replied I was genuinely like wtf 😂😂

OP posts: