10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

I think you are doing a great job. Parenting is the hardest job in the world and people are so judgmental about it. The Ms Rachel thing is fine as she is probably just hearing the noise and not bothered by the screen. To find out just turn her chair the other way so she can't see the screen. Then you will have your answer. Play pens are great and much safer than having a loose baby crawling when you have to leave the room. Plus it has taught her to play on her own and not need adult interaction all the time.

Pretty sure if I said that everyone would be asking why I dont show her books 😂😂😂

I have been reading about sensory tray activities so am going to use a small basket i have and fill it with things whilst I stick it to the highchair or it'll all go on the floor.
When I switch ms rachel off she is fine. Then we all eat. Ms rachel doesnt go back on.

This is a great idea.

Mine was on permanently when mine were little, either cbeebies, whatever I was watching whilst he's I drank my coffee or music videos whilst I pottered around to get jobs done whilst they played with their toys or laid on the playmat.

When they got older they used to request a specific song based on the video and they would jump around having fun.

Doesn't seem to have done them any harm, at 8 and 10 they can walk, talk, read, write and are don't fine at school.

It may sound odd but look at amazon for dementia toys. They are often cheaper a do ones that can be clipped to adults wrist etc, so can easily attach to stuff with press studs. Also slip mats are great on highchair tables under the sensory tray, makes it harder for them to knock it on floor.

If she is playing independently then that’s genuinely great.
a slow, calm start to both your days like this just can’t be a bad thing!
it is mentally and physically exhausting looking after little ones, it’s so important you take those small opportunities for self care when you can, you’re keeping yourself sane and will be more present for the rest of the day because of it.
Your husband is being extremely judgmental and short sighted.

Mine was too.

I always had the music channels on while doing the housework and got jobs done. I can still picture my eldest dancing to 'Teenage Dirtbag' in her nappy 😂

Never did mine any harm either. Both mine did very well academically and are now smart, intelligent young adults.

Mine would wake at 5am and you bet the TV was on while I had a coffee. They are teenagers now and completely capable children. Tbh the TV was always on as background noise. We didn't have a play pen but they always had toys out and would happily play with those. They didn't sit and stare at a TV for hours on end. I was always out and about from 9 till 3ish most days. I wouldnt even let it bother you. Its important to not neglect yourself as well so an hour in the morning with a coffee watching the news isn't the end of the world.

For all the people who have been genuinely perplexed by the idea of a play pen, I've noticed not one of them have said what it is that the child will be discovering (for up to an hour in the morning whilst playing with toys) that they wouldnt be whilst inside the play pen. I'm genuinely curious. Loads of people saying that their living room is completely baby proofed as if that's what everyone should do - but lots of people live in rented houses where not everything can be screwed into walls and lots of people have their spaces arranged differently that don't lend themselves to being totally baby proofed. In addition, if the room is totally baby proofed there can't be a lot in there for them to explore that would be different to what might go into a pen? I've seen enough videos of children falling backwards off sofas to know that unless these are removed it wouldn't be a safe space. Also, about the comments relating to using the pen throughout the day - if you have a large pen that covers the living room, where else are you taking the child to play? Bedroom? (often less floor space and also lots of people suggesting better sleep practice would probably disagree with that given a bedroom should be for sleep and you'd be sending mixed messages). And the fact that a significant proportion of these people are suggesting walkers or sit in type equipment over a playpen is just bizarre.

This was constant until about 4. I brought her into bed around 530 as I was so sleepy. And given you were posting long posts on mumsnet up until 3am…. You must be exhausted.

What the heck has he thought of you glued to your phone on mumsnet all day?!

I used a playpen but that was when I needed to perhaps nip upstairs to clean the bathroom/strip/remake beds or go into the kitchen to cook. My son would happily play with toys in his playpen for short periods of time.

I wouldn't personally have put my son in his playpen, so I could have a cuppa and watch TV for an hour.

My attitude is that you need to do what's best for your child, and what works for you. Has your husband looked after your child on his own from the morning? What does he suggest you should be doing instead????

Fun times. Weirdly when my eldest was a tiny baby the only thing he would nap to was Fatboy Slim played very loudly. I have this very vivid memory of us trying to build furniture in his room with him needing to nap in the moses basket in the corner. We put the music on and that was it, slept happily and we got our stuff done.

Odd boy but I'm not a fan myself so maybe it works if you are 🤷

i don‘t think people here understand how big that play pen is. we had originally bought it too and in the end returned it as it was taking up 90% of the living room and dh did not like it so i returned it. it is massive and more then enough for a baby of 10 month to move and explore

Doesn't matter what he thinks... he contributes nothing to parenting so he doesn't get an opinion.

The OPs playpen is basically a gate though.... its the same as putting the kid on the floor with the toys? It isn't a small.confined space.. its probably 90% of the actual floor space

He is being passive aggressive. My partner does this.

He is begrudging you for watching tv and having coffee.

My advice @ILoveFatFaceSocks is to walk away from this thread because there will always be people who will want to wind you up or make you feel bad about yourself.

The definitive answer to your question is that you are doing nothing wrong in placing your child in a playpen as you describe. Your partner needs to understand what a full week of looking after a child is like. Then he wouldn't be so quick to criticize. You are an individual, not a slave, and you are entitled to a break during the day.

Again congrats to you and your children. I am willing to bet they are now 15+ as the advice you're giving is outdated.

Not "letting babies fuss" certainly doesn't damage them emotionally or lead to long term sleep problems and the pick up put down method often just overstimulates and exhausts them, especially if they're breastfed.

Ultimately though if you think it worked and your children are thriving that's the important thing. I wouldn't really give that advice these days though...

To be honest, I had this exact experience when I posted something on here a few months ago about my baby picking up an illness from a toddler. People commenting were literally making up things I hadn't even said or exaggerating ridiculously.

People have very poor reading comprehension (I saw recently the average reading comprehension age of adults in the UK is between 9-11 years old?! Didn't look any further so don't quote me on that.) and will just extrapolate to ridiculous extremes to get on their soap boxes.

FWIW I also put my baby in a large play pen and don't feel a single shred of guilt about it. I wouldn't have the TV on in the background and I wouldn't let her watch Ms Rachel BUT if you feel comfortable with that why do you care what people on here think? You know what works for you and your baby.

I speak from experience when I say don't let yourself get riled up by people on here! I've taken to logging in whilst baby contact naps, but a lot people on here are ridiculous and I take most of what is said with a pich of salt now. 😂

I definitely wouldn't be seeking opinions as the people commenting are far from good arbiters. Get offline, ignore the crap and enjoy your baby is my advice. Also tell your husband to get stuffed! You're not lazy!

We too had a gigantic playpen. I used to lie on some cushions and doze in there while my DC played sitting beside me or crawled over me.

I think your husband sounds lazy!
Men who think maternity leave is an opportunity for them not to do any housework for a year, ugh.
Plus, sets that dangerous precedent for when mum goes back to work and things stay exactly the same.
Well done for telling him to f off.

Looking after a baby, the line between having a lovely, just about managable time and going mad (isolated, lonely, burnt out, exhausted) is fine. And that's never good for baby (for the people who don't care about mums).

He works and keeps three people warm, housed and clothed.
So he does get to have an opinion.
Big time.

I changed my vote from YABU to YANBU after reading your update about the rest of your day. Sounds like you DD is getting loads of interaction with you. No harm at all in you having a bit of time to yourself at the start of the day - it’ll do your DD good too if you have more in the tank for later. Have you pointed out to your DH what the rest or your day looks like? Sounds like he’s clueless (and possibly a dick).

He's rude.