Page 21 | 10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 2026-04-10T22:18:13+00:00

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc. DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

99bottlesofkombucha · 11/04/2026 12:31

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:28

On those days he has texted me constantly. What time is nap? What shall I give her for dinner? Etc pisses me off. Because I speak about these things so much and yeah, he has eyes and can see what she eats. And if he is unsure, Google baby dinner 10minth and make something, like I do.

So he’s had her 3 times for a couple of hours.. once every 3 months. Wow. Every teacher, coach, tutor, even my friends parents spent way more time than that with me growing up. Op, tell him you’re going out on the weekend and there are to be no questions while you’re out unless he thinks she’s actually sick or hurt. Tell him he’s full of opinions and advice for you so time for him to put some actual parenting time in. This isn’t going to get any better until you really tell him to pull his head in until he has a basic level of parenting competence, which at his current time input will take about 25 years and she will have left home.

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

Original poster

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:34

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

I dont do all the cleaning and tidying as I am not employed as a housemaid. I do what I can but my maternity leave hasnt been filled with keeping the house spotless and in order 24/7. Thats a split job.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 11/04/2026 12:35

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

Yet you have time for MN

RJMacReady · 11/04/2026 12:35

I see no problem with this, it's totally normal. I never had a playpen but with both my kids I would shut the living room door and let them wander around and play while I sat with them and had my breakfast. Usually I watched morning TV! They are teenagers now and I can confirm have suffered no ill effects as a result of such lax parenting . If your DH has a problem with this I assume he must be setting an excellent example of constant interaction every time he looks after your baby?

Cherrytree86 · 11/04/2026 12:39

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:05

Baby is very chill first thing after her milk so it allows me to have that coffee and watch eastenders while she plays! So thats why I do it then. I am usually up half the night or not slept right other half with dd next to me so I have earned it. But I dont need to earn anything. Do I question if dh has worked hard enough at work to earn his morning coffee. Since becoming a mum I have noticed how very different it is for men and women. Its absolutely nuts.
Plus after carrying baby for 9 months, giving birth, etc why dont I automatically earn a morning coffee anyway?? Its a fecking coffee. Not an all inclusive holiday to Maldives!

@ILoveFatFaceSocks

Enjoy your Eastenders OP and ignore anyone who tries to make you feel guilty. Fuck them. I have contemplated starting to watch Eastenders again solely because of Ravi as he is so hot 🥵

VitsQ · 11/04/2026 12:40

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

Wish there was still a laughing emoji 😂 You sound lovely.

popcornandpotatoes · 11/04/2026 12:40

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

I think this attitude is ridiculous. That op should be finding more jobs to do just to keep busy because her husband is working. There's no indication from what op has said that she had any issues keeping on top of housework. How people create so much housework they can't find an hour in the day to sit down baffles me, personally.

Hankunamatata · 11/04/2026 12:40

Totally fine op. No difference to popping her in there to hoover or doing housework.

Original poster

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:41

Dh did make a comment i wasnt doing enough housework and it made me feel lazy. I then started doing every little bit of housework I could. No downtime ever. This was when dd wasnt napping so I was always mopping floors, hoovering, putting on washes, making food, folding all clothes etc. He would finish work and then relax. I would think, hold on here? Happy to so what i can and any mess me and baby make i tidy it but hes got a good deal here. So I cut back. He said he needs his downtime now as he is finishing work and putting on a wash etc. I gave him same advice he keeps giving me.... wake up earlier? I think we wont bicker so much when I go back to work. I think him wfh has been lovely but he doesnt go out really so it can be a bit annoying.

OP posts:

Cherrytree86 · 11/04/2026 12:42

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

@EndlessTreadmill what about going for a piss? Do you treat yourself to that, or is that a self indulgent waste of time in your view?

HumbleStumble · 11/04/2026 12:42

It sounds like overall you are giving them too much screen time on a daily basis, which could hinder development. It may be the easy thing to do but you should put your little one's needs first.

Original poster

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:43

I do housework i want to clarify my last post. Its just I found i was absolutely knackered when he was finishing work. Then having his dinner made and I was still doing all bedtimes etc and wake ups. So now when I do bedtime he does some housework. He thinks this is totally unfair but I wasnt in charge of all housework before pregnancy so why is it now my job?? He suggested cutting back baby groups to do more housework. Told him to f off!

OP posts:

Cherrytree86 · 11/04/2026 12:44

HumbleStumble · 11/04/2026 12:42

It sounds like overall you are giving them too much screen time on a daily basis, which could hinder development. It may be the easy thing to do but you should put your little one's needs first.

@HumbleStumble what about OP’s needs? Do they not count?

MrBallensWife · 11/04/2026 12:45

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:35

Thank you it made me feel like shit.

Take absolutely no notice.
You're doing nothing wrong and if anything you're teaching your baby to play independently while you have half an hour to yourself (baby is safe and right next to you).
You sound like a great mom and very engaged with your baby so don't worry about what your husband says.

BudgetBuster · 11/04/2026 12:45

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:30

But when he is opinionated I do try and involve him. I bought the cook book what mummy makes or eats (cant remember!), its fab! I have given him the book and told him to pick out some dinners he would like her to try. His response. Dunno, youre good at this stuff. Men!!!

Men???

Nope... not a men thing. You're useless man thing!

My DH has our son every single Monday all day alone as I'm at work since 6 months. And had him sporadically whenever I wanted time away before that... I wrote down our general nap schedule on the first day and he hasn't asked one question since because he's a Dad.

Aprilgorgeousness · 11/04/2026 12:48

marcyhermit · 10/04/2026 23:55

Who bloody cares if it's 'lazy'??

Enjoy your slow morning while your baby is happy playing. You won't always be able to have a gentle start to the day so why not enjoy it now.

Exactly! Nobody gives a monkey if you do whatever you fancy! It's your morning and if shes happy in perfect!!!!Yr DH is idiot..
Never heard bigger crap!!!

Lourdes12 · 11/04/2026 12:48

Having a baby who only sleeps on you and cries unless you hold them is a different level draining. I would encourage the current morning routine if it makes you a better mum. Any chance you can have baby in the sling whilst cooking? I know it’s not practical and your body is probably already aching from having the baby on you so much. I had extremely clingy babies and I’m also very petite so struggled having them in a sling for long periods. I had to let baby scream for a bit whilst cooking,then hold them. As soon as I put them down to continue cooking they started screaming again. It’s exhausting! If her baby is happy playing in the pen whilst she’s chilling in front of her tv I think that’s great.

Coffeequeen1013 · 11/04/2026 12:49

Honestly why for some people does life have to be a race to keep busy and be productive every waking hour?

Not all of us want to be complete martyrs.

All this pearl clutching over a bit of TV watching. It isn’t lazy to take some time to do something you enjoy, it’s actually good for many people.

Op is on maternity leave, she doesn’t have to treat it like a job.

Squirrelsnut · 11/04/2026 12:49

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

Jesus Christ.

LittleBearPad · 11/04/2026 12:49

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:41

Dh did make a comment i wasnt doing enough housework and it made me feel lazy. I then started doing every little bit of housework I could. No downtime ever. This was when dd wasnt napping so I was always mopping floors, hoovering, putting on washes, making food, folding all clothes etc. He would finish work and then relax. I would think, hold on here? Happy to so what i can and any mess me and baby make i tidy it but hes got a good deal here. So I cut back. He said he needs his downtime now as he is finishing work and putting on a wash etc. I gave him same advice he keeps giving me.... wake up earlier? I think we wont bicker so much when I go back to work. I think him wfh has been lovely but he doesnt go out really so it can be a bit annoying.

What is the childcare plan when you go back to work?

Who is responsible for drop off and pick ups - as I think there’s a good chance you’re going to find he’s equally crap there.

Creamyes · 11/04/2026 12:51

Your husband is a nasty arsehole who has had his child 3 times?

What an absolute loser.
Get back to work and keep your family and friends very close.

Only abusive wasters call a new mother doing her best lazy.

Take this very very seriously.
Good men do not behave like this.

Abusive pricks do.
Make sure your contraception is bullet proof.

Bababear987 · 11/04/2026 12:52

OP dont excuse his behaviour away as 'men' because that is definitely not how all men behave. You need to book a good stretch at least 8h out of the house and tell him its up to him.

Creamyes · 11/04/2026 12:52

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 11/04/2026 12:43

I do housework i want to clarify my last post. Its just I found i was absolutely knackered when he was finishing work. Then having his dinner made and I was still doing all bedtimes etc and wake ups. So now when I do bedtime he does some housework. He thinks this is totally unfair but I wasnt in charge of all housework before pregnancy so why is it now my job?? He suggested cutting back baby groups to do more housework. Told him to f off!

You have a lazy abusive man as a husband.

notanoccultexpert · 11/04/2026 12:55

EndlessTreadmill · 11/04/2026 12:32

Personally I think it sounds incredibly lazy, but it's not the playpen part only, it's the TV part. Never in my life have I sat around watching TV during the daytime, there is always so much to do - TV is an evening relaxation or treat for me.

The idea that husband is working, and wife lolling around watching TV, not for 5 mins but for up to an hour, to me is quite shocking. I have also had 3 under 5.
I am very surprised that she plays on her own for that long, in my experience it was only a few minutes. But also, surprised that you manage to do all the tidying and cleaning in the house, look after your child as well as you can, do any shopping and errands, etc etc - and still have time to watch an hour of TV.

All my kids are grown now, but I often think...I wish Mumsnet was a thing when my kids were little.

Then I see posters like you and thank fuck it wasn't. Get off your high horse!

"lolling around" "incredibly lazy" "quite shocking" - fucking hell, seriously, what is wrong with you people?

This is a new mum asking if its ok for her to relax a little before the chaos of the day kicks in...and people like you are basically saying - fuck no, you lazy sod, you should be on your feet all day long.

Horrible, horrible people.

ETA: would you say the husband is 'lolling around' on his lunch break?