10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

Yes, don't worry op.

It's not as though many of us are in workplaces where several of the employees are crawling round the office and the CEO has to be lifted into his chair for meetings because he isn't pulling up yet - all sad products of mothering that employed the dreaded playpen!

Babies learn to walk - some at 9 months, some at 16, but, as you say, keeping them safe is a bigger priority.

It doesn't "make sense" because each generation tries slightly different things - and we all grow up more or less the same.

I do lean towards more traditional entertainment over screens, electronic "learning" and endless structured classes or activities, but a little of anything really doesn't hurt.

Baby is very chill first thing after her milk so it allows me to have that coffee and watch eastenders while she plays! So thats why I do it then. I am usually up half the night or not slept right other half with dd next to me so I have earned it. But I dont need to earn anything. Do I question if dh has worked hard enough at work to earn his morning coffee. Since becoming a mum I have noticed how very different it is for men and women. Its absolutely nuts.
Plus after carrying baby for 9 months, giving birth, etc why dont I automatically earn a morning coffee anyway?? Its a fecking coffee. Not an all inclusive holiday to Maldives!

It's not just men vs women. SAHM mums generally get a hard time. They are always lazy and under-achieving - even though almost all of us find an hour in a corporate environment a breeze in comparison to an hour of settling a tired baby.

Since becoming a mum I have noticed how very different it is for men and women. Its absolutely nuts.

I think a lot of this comes down to your husband. He genuinely sounds useless. I doubt it will get better when you go back to work so demand better from him now.

And yes it is different but doesn’t have to be as different as it is for you

Sorry my tone was off there. Im just very sleepy today.

Op you shouldn’t have even posted this on mumsnet. All you get on here is a bunch of sanctimonious people telling you how lazy you are and twisting everything you say and offering up useless suggestions.

At the end of the day if you feel like you need the hour and the baby is content then do whatever you want.

It’s your baby, your home, your maternity leave.

Obviously if you were putting your baby in front of the TV several hours a day that would be shit. But you said you put her in a playpen with toys for one hour max while you have a coffee and watch some TV.

I’d also ask your husband to kindly let you get on with your day without comment. If he thinks he can do a better job he can swap places.

I remember telling dh what I had at a cafe I went to. I like to ramble and tell him every little detail 🙈 I mention how dd has toast and butter. He asked the salt content. I said I didnt check as most of it ended on thr floor. It was more about texture and keeping her occupied. She had a tiny bit to eat. Her went off on one, you shouldn't be ordering blindly do u know how bad salt is etc. I told him that if he feels that strongly perhaps he would like to be more involved in meal making? The following weekend we went out. I wasnt planning on ordering for dd as I had brought her some snacks. He scanned the kids menu and asked proudly, shall we order her the mac and cheese. We didnt. But I thought how idiotic!

Is DH doing enough? If he doesn't get why you might need a break. Time for him to have baby for a whole day? And this may be petty but I'd be calling him lazy every time he appears during the working day when he's working from home.

Your tone is fine.

What is your husband doing today?

He is going into town for a haircut and to pick up some books.

He’s a sanctimonious idiot. If he’s so great he can look after her this weekend.

OP you sound like a fab normal mum.

Have you ever watched motherland? I find it so accurate, especially with how judgemental the perfect mums are- everyone mums slightly differently but I think its about balance and real life living.

Having a child that can't play independently because they are used to mum constantly engaging with them is a nightmare (from experience) so its great if baby is happy playing alone. I dont get why a playpen is any diffwrent to being on the floor so not sure everyone is getting so worked up about it? I used walkers and bouncers with my toddler and will when my next is older enough. I also find cooking with free roaming babies incredibly irritating and dangerous so if they want a bit of downtime watching TV thats fine.

Enjoy your cuppa and tv that sounds amazing! I definitely didnt do enough self care or rest and burnt out. I also dont really see the big deal with tv being on either, people have taken the fear of screens to a crazy level.

In my experience it’s much less stressful and tiring working full time with a baby in nursery than being a full time mum at home. Being a SAHM was really exhausting and often isolating - for me, we’re all different and some people have support from relatives, others don’t.
I’ve done both. Both are rewarding in different ways.
You are allowed to have a coffee, food, go to the toilet, relax for a bit whenever you have a moment and having your morning moment is fine, there is nothing wrong with your routine.
You do lovely things with your DD.
I would be very upset if my DH had said that to me.

Dh is good with baby and around house. He has has her 3 times for more than a couple of hours. My mum has looked after her more as she works part time and ifs allowed me to do a few things during week. Its his opinion I dont appreciate. I also member when she started weaning and I was telling him what I had given her. I mentioned feeding her and also allowing her to play with food so she was getting in play and used to feeling textures etc. He had such an issue, didnt want her spoon fed I was taking away experience with textures. I thrn stopped one day to make a point, everythjng went on thr floor she didn't eat one thing. I did make extra as I expected that to happen. He said sorry. So its fine having an opinion its when he had a go and pushes his opinion when he has no experience.

It's great that she's happy in her playpen (mine wouldn't have been). I don't see the issue at all - if she's happy to play independently that's good for her - you need balance in your day and if you have that it's easier the rest of the day.

Does your DH able to look after her and give her his full attention all the time including through the night. He is just being a judgemental idiot I think.

Is there still a possibility of him taking SPL? Some extended time solo parenting can work wonders for attitudes like his. My guess is he’s read all the blogs, but hasn’t realised babies don’t give a shit about the latest parenting idea.

He has has her 3 times for more than a couple of hours.

She’s 10 months old. He should be able to look after her for a morning or afternoon. Stand up for yourself OP.

Sounds like he's swallowed some sort of Baby Manual.

@Disco2022 has nailed it, in the very first response.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks - Ewing a mum is bloody hard work, especially as the child gets more mobile, so taking the opportunity for a cup of coffee that is actually hot, and a few moments rest, is the sensible thing to do.

When I was pregnant he read lots. So yes he swallowed a manual but doesnt really it doesnt always work practically?

He has had her 3 times for a couple of hours... he's her Dad, she's 10 months. You do realise what you've said... every 3 months he has her for a couple of hours 🙄

Prize Dad there

Fuck his opinions in the bin!

On those days he has texted me constantly. What time is nap? What shall I give her for dinner? Etc pisses me off. Because I speak about these things so much and yeah, he has eyes and can see what she eats. And if he is unsure, Google baby dinner 10minth and make something, like I do.

I actually find parenting easier when I go out or he is in the office (usually every few months though!)

Go out for the day. Don’t reply to messages about naps, lunches etc. He can figure it out.

But when he is opinionated I do try and involve him. I bought the cook book what mummy makes or eats (cant remember!), its fab! I have given him the book and told him to pick out some dinners he would like her to try. His response. Dunno, youre good at this stuff. Men!!!