10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

First post nails it. Op grab every bit of a break you can, people try to make you feel guilty but then don’t help when you’re on the ground from running about all the time!! Say to him you get a lunch break don’t you?

Oops sorry my post has glitched 😳

Drop the second nap, she will be grouchy and irritable for an hour or so around nap time but then get a second wind, my DD always gets grouchy at about 3/4 as she is tired but we push through and shes fine by dinner time (5 o’clock) bit of food seems to pep her up a bit, she then starts flagging again at 6:30 so we take her up for bath and teeth brushing and that pushes her through to bedtime at 7, she goes to sleep in her own bed ok, although we have recently stopped the bedtime breastfeed so she can take up to an hour but with breastfeed she would be asleep within 15mins, she will sleep for 3-4hours before she wakes which is good for her- she used to wake every hour.
i don’t ‘self soothe’ in the night, i put her in a single bed when she was 1 so i could lie down in her bed to feed her and then sneak back to my own bed after (sometimes i would end up falling asleep in her bed) but either way i was able to get some sleep and she stayed in her own bed, now she is bigger she sneaks into our bed in the night but thankfully we have a super king so she/we have plenty of space, do whatever makes the night easier and you can get some sleep, my logic is one day i can explain to her and she will understand she has to go back to her bed/stay in her bed but until then i need sleep so do whatever i can to make that easier xx

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

Why isn't her dad either cooking or playing with her whilst you cook? How late does he wfh until?

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

Duplicate

Duplicate

Oh God 🤦🏼‍♀️ You were "very strict" on sleeping, but they didn't cry. You just put them down awake but sleepy and they fell magically asleep.

You also think people should "let their babies fuss" or they won't be able to emotional regulate as primary school aged children. You took your advice from a book from 2001 that says things like some babies are "born grumpy" and is notoriously bad for breastfed babies.

Right. Either you just have incredibly good sleepers or you're not being honest. Congrats on your very strict sleep schedule and perfect kids though.

@JanBlues2026 are you sure about that? 😂

🤦🏻‍♀️😂

How silly. Take a break, enjoy your coffee OP.

No, I was strict in that I stuck to it even if it meant hours every day for weeks of shush/pat/pick up/put down. Even if I had to lie on their floor for an hour before they drifted off. If they cried I picked them up, when they stopped I put them down, still awake. See how that works? No crying, no getting upset, no nursing to sleep then suddenly startling awake in a different place. It is possible to encourage your kids to go to sleep without letting them cry 🙄

I was on the "nanny circuit" in London. I could always tell the nannies from the actual mums because they stared straight ahead in a business-like fashion when pushing the pram while the actual mums were chatting away about what will they buy Granny for her birthday etc. They were also glued to their phones at the playground. Small children are tiring and often boring. When away from prying eyes of employers or a childcare setting, the fact this slightly tiresome little person isn't theirs very often comes through.

There is no perfect way to raise children: we just do our best - as op is doing. Number one priority is safety and loving input. I also think independent play is possibly next important op - and you are providing that.

I think some parents farm their children out to endless activities because it is actually easier to transport them than entertain them, and others because they genuinely think they are giving them an edge - like those "educational" electronic toys that squeak "A for apple" in an electronic voice, when actually exploring water pouring cups is just brilliant. That's a good trick for a toddler getting tired near evening routine op, or on a rainy day. I used to run a shallow bath and put a chair beside the bath and watch them pour and tip and investigate water. It's usually very calming for them - and if DH rocks by you can say you are giving a bath!

OP it sounds like you're doing a great job.

As a mum of four now teenagers who used the playpen so I could have some sanity, you're doing fine. Mine are all now healthy, happy and achieving well at school, with outside interests.

Good point about the transporting, some of my friends who did lots of activities and went to several places every day would be spending a lot of time in the car and pram and then they might be chatting to friends at the soft play while baby is playing, so it’s not actually that the child is getting more interaction this way. I think a nice balance between busy days and lazy days is perfect, some people prefer being out and some prefer being at home and that’s fine!

It sounds like your baby spends a lot of time in the playpen. Is she never just put on the floor/rug to learn to move around larger spaces? And what about trying one of those things like walkers without the wheels? Mine loved it and meant it was a bit of variety while I was making dinner or running to the loo instead of being stuck in the playpen all the time.
Each to their own, but I hate tv 1st thing in the morning. I don't think you should have no downtime obviously, but up to an hour lying on the couch in front of the tv right after you get up would annoy me (maybe annoy is too strong a word?) if I was looking at my husband doing it.
Also, and I know this isn't what you were asking, but if it was me, I'd have tried to break the only napping on me before 10 months. It'll be a nightmare to try and change if you're planning on going back to work anytime soon. Maybe you're not, but either way, it would give you more free time to do things around the house or just relax on your own.

Husband sounds like a nasty prick tbh

Don't worry too much about the sleep and 'getting it right'. Honestly after 3 kids I think the best advice I can ever give a parent is that everything is a faze and things change, don't worry too much. My first was a bloody awful sleeper at night but would nap really well. He was always put down on his own but ended up in bed with us every night. I needed sleep, I liked the cuddle, he grew out of it all by himself. Second child was a good sleeper all round but had to be at home for naps, wouldn't sleep in car or pushchair and would scream! She grew out of it and was pretty hood from toddler onwards. 3rd child was a brilliant sleeper to start with, then bloody awful at about 13mths for a year or so and would only ever contact nap. She grew out of it and is by far the best of the 3 of them now. Parenting is so hard and only you know your child so don't listen to all the perfect parents or the mountains of 'advice' out there. When you are in the middle of it it seems so all consuming and like it will never end or get easier but before you know it you will be out the other side missing the night time cuddles and the neediness. Doesn't mean you can't find it tough now though and absolutely do do what works for you, sod anyone trying to make you feel bad for it. Sounds like you are an amazing mum to me and have a happy, very loved little girl

Getting fed up saying playpen is big. Its takes up nearly whole room. Its crazy that people are telling me how shit I am for allowing screen time but then recommending walkers. Make it make sense!! So basically if livingroom didnt have play pen she would be crawling around same space but not in playpen and be around more risks.

If you’re making dinner or going to the loo, then a play pen is the safest option to use.

Your baby has the entire day to play out of the playpen but this is for times when you can keep an eye on them the entire time.

If you’re half asleep, making dinner or leaving the room, then you are absolutely correct (and a very good mum) to put them in a safe area.

Sounds like a good setup to me. And I like your huge playpen!!

I wonder whether some posters are reacting against the fact that this is the START to your day, because a lot of people leap into action first thing, either through choice or necessity. I did briefly have that reaction myself: "OMG she is having a break FIRST THING? But she hasn't earned it yet! I bet she ignores her baby later in the day too!"

Then I got a grip LOL. We morning people can be a bit preachy about what order things should be done in. This is the schedule that works for you. It sounds like you are quite engaged with your baby all the rest of the day and she gets loads of cuddles.

Nothing wrong with resting
Resting doesn't have to be earned
We need to get away from this busy for busy sake mentality

If your DH can't (or rather won't) entertain the baby while you're making dinner then he gets to make dinner. Why on earth are you juggling both?

Also making 2 meals everyday is draining. Just batch cook babies or when you have a meal she will also eat, just keep one portion aside and freeze for her (so curry or spaghetti bol etc just pop a baby size portion into the freezer) and reheat the days you have unhealthier meals.

Re baby in the bed... I coslept and contact napped because I literally could not carry on otherwise. My boy woke every 45 mins without fail and I was at breaking point. DH was relegated to spare bedroom so I could safely cosleep. Also... please ignore anybody telling you not to contact nap, to sleep train and all this crap. Those people have no idea what it is like with a baby who doesn't sleep... absolutely no idea. There's no magic wand unfortunately but it honestly will not last forever.