10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

[ILoveFatFaceSocks]

When DD (10months) wakes, I change her and then give her milk. I then pop her in her playpen where she happily plays with toys. I then make a coffee and watch some TV - play pen is infront of TV (well TV in on wall, playpen is infront of couch). I sometimes just watch her and occassional look up at TV sometimes I will watch the TV. I enjoy having my morning coffee and she is happy playing. After 30mins / 1hr or so I then take her through to kitchen where I give her actual breakfast, porridge, yoghurt, etc.
DH wfh and when walking past livingroom popped head in to say hi. He looks shocked thst I had a coffee and was lying on sofa watching TV. He asked was mummy having a day off and that the play pen isnt for me watching TV and that im being lazy. I was so annoyed. Is he right?

You don't have to justify yourself. If your child is loved and cared for, and you have your sanity, then all is well. Promise.

Naps have always been an issue. Because she slept 11/12 hrs at night I didnt care too much that she didnt really nap. I tried enforcing naps but it just didnt happen. Sometimes I would just go out a drive as she always sleeps in her car seat. It would be tiring as she has always been very active and very vocal but I knew I was almost guaranteed a good sleep. Now she is actually getting sleepy during day and having two naps which is great but both on me. Bedtime has become so tricky now. I have read and spoken to so many people and have had so much conflicting advice. Lots of people saying to keep the 2nd nap, lots saying to restrict it, lots saying to get rid of it and have an earlier bedtime. Her bedtime used to be 8pm and she would sleep until 7/8am. I do follow her cues and if she is sleepy before 7/8 I do bedtime but she fights sleep and then she just goes down at her usual time.
Ive tried the contact naps stopping but the second she hits the cot she instantly wakes and cries. I have tried soothing her, picking her up putting her back down, I have even left her for15mins to cry out but she gets into a right state and then nap time has slipped. I really dont know what to do 😭 i doubt we will get 11hr stretches again and I'm not saying I never want her in our bed but I want her to sleep a good chunk in her own bed first. I really dont know what else to do.
I am considering hiring a sleep consultant! Chatgpt keeps telling me lies 😭 i chsnge it up for weeks to get a better routine but it doesnt work or i end up ill.
If anyone has any suggestions on this then please let me know. And before anyone says, she doesnt sleep in her pram unless it is the same time as a nap. But then again sometimes she just cries until she is out of the pram. Since crawling she hates being restricted, so baby carrier, pram, highchair. She just wants to move0 freely. I did think about a walker but everyone told me they were bad and then I read some horror stories. I have thought about a bouncer but thought they were just as bad.

If your DH has an issue with it, then why can’t he take the baby in the morning whilst you have your morning coffee and wake up.

If he was commuting then I don’t think he should but as he’s WFH then there’s no reason that he can’t do half of the morning routine as he’s going to have to do this when you go back to work anyway.

If he thinks you’re lazy, then he can take over and do it himself.

Agreed. There are some seriously neurotic parents on MN.

We need balance- both adults and children.
It's not good for either to be on the go constantly or sat watching TV constantly.

I'm someone who feels off all day if I don't have a slightly calm morning and my kids are similar. They are 19,17 and 12 now. All intelligent, happy, working/studying/fit and well.

Enjoy your calm morning and then your active day.

The same people skating you for using a playpen/highchair who slate you if baby got hurt whilst you were cooking/ having your morning coffee.

Keyboard warriors... Take no notice.

One thing I will say is that now my children are older and entering adulthood, those whose parents enjoyed their company and went with the flow a bit...and didn't force things.... (Constantly trying be perfect etc) have the best mental health and best relationships with their parents and siblings.

I have literally just created a Mumsnet account to reply to this. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY OK TO DO THIS! Being a mum is hard and taking down time when you can is really important because you get zero. Letting your little one watch TV when you cook is also okay. People who say you are lazy have no idea... All babies are different and some babies will just "play with a sensory toy" while you cook. Some won't. I have 2 under 2 and I actually force myself to sit and relax when I can (we always feel like we should be cleaning etc) but you really need to take the time when you can. In a few years you will look back and think why the f did I care that 34% people thought I was lazy for having a cup of tea while my child played and that I let her watch miss Rachel while I made tea. Ignore the haters. Including your DH.

Are you being deliberately obtuse? I was very strict on sleeping and teaching my kids to self sooth. They never cried it out. I did Baby Whisperer and it was brilliant and gentle. It was hard work for a bit, but my kids have been brilliant sleepers ever since.

Another one saying you are fine and YANBU.
If DH is worried about DC, he can entertain her while you wake up slowly with your morning coffee.

Op would it be right to presume you do the night wakes? Or does he? At what point do you get time to yourself where he has sole responsibility of dc? Are there times where he goes out and you're on your own with dc at evenings or weekends. Sorry if I've missed it

So many self righteous people on here, you love your baby and are doing your best by her, ignore the narky comments. Your husband sounds like an arse though tbh. If you look up baby wake windows by age it really helps getting them into a solid nap and sleep schedule. I swear by it with all of mine, however I totally appreciate some babies struggle with sleep more, your'e doing great dont overthink judgemental comments especially from your husband x

@ILoveFatFaceSocks you are doing great.

Your DH on the other hand sounds useless. No night wakings, can’t look after her for 10 minutes whilst you cook dinner. Critical of something perfectly normal. Time for him to step up.

In fact I’d plan to go out tomorrow all day. Let’s see how he does on his own.

What is Ms Rachel ? Government guidance says no screens for under 2s. But the rest of it sounds fine. If your morning TV is your only chance for downtime and DD is happy playing I can’t see the problem

If he took over, who would be working and earning to keep three people?

What does he do when he wakes up? out of bed, shower, straight into work, without breakfast or coffee? Or does he have the chance to wake up in a leisurely way, while still in bed? We all have our morning routines, I am 75 and have no children, but I do have a dog, so get up, let the dog out, feed him when he comes in from the garden, then I make my coffee and relax and wake up, I don't have the TV on in the morning because I don't like to, but that's my preference.

I’m not talking about all day but just the mornings.
Once he starts work then OP would take over.

OP is the SAHP whilst DH is at work but when he’s not then it’s 50/50.

He doesn’t get to not parent at all just because OP is on maternity leave.

Totally fine to sit and relax with a coffee for half an hour or whatever. Your husband is out of order calling you lazy for doing that.

I'd try and rethink the TV/screen time though. Can you enjoy your coffee without the TV on? Can you and your husband not take it in turns to entertain the baby (or start bath and bed time) while the other one cooks? The baby can have your previous night's dinner reheated or something quick and simple/something from the freezer if that isn't suitable.

As an aside, maybe have a think about nap time. 2 naps sounds about right for a 10mo but 1pm and 4pm both feel quite late in the day. Possibly bringing both earlier (gradually if necessary) might help?

Some of the responses on this thread are unhinged - morning coffee sounds fine to me OP! I have a 9 month old and you best believe I'm having a coffee with BBC Breakfast news on while he's playing with his toys. If he decides to look up and watch the news too then more power to him, would mean he's more up-to-date with current affairs than most of the population!

My DS used to be similar with the high chair while I cooked- it's less of an issue now because we did some sleep training for naps (which no doubt some MNers would tear me apart for) so I have time to cook while he sleeps - but I used to put some foam tiles on the kitchen floor and place him in a floor seat with an activity table or an inflatable baby nest. That would entertain him for around 10 minutes...!

MN is full of people who post as an attempt to prove that they're better than everyone else. I don't see how anyone can judge a parent of a safe, happy and healthy child. We're all just out here trying to do our best.

Re DH - I suggest you head out for half a day and leave baby with dad, then he can see for himself.

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

This concept of children needing to be entertained 24/7 is ridiculous. The child is happily playing independently in a safe environment, while mum has a coffee and some free time before the day begins. The idea of children actually being autonomous and making play themselves was paramount when mine were young. Today, children are incapable of entertaining themselves and my Grandchildren are a typical example of this. They expect mum to be in every aspect of their play. My friends and I used playgrounds, play dates and parties etc., as an opportunity for some free time ourselves. Today the interaction is bordering on obsessive. Children have lost the ability to play and interact on their own. It is not lazy to grab a bit of free time and it also enables the child to be comfortable with in their own company and enact and use their imagination for play scenarios.

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

So he shouldn't have to parent because he works? Don't be ridiculous.

Op you are entitled to have a chill out especially in the morning your not a robot as for the playpen she’s happy and safe she can see you so all is fine. Op your dh sounds like a twat tbh how often does he get up and take care of her for the day. Being a mum is hard work and we all need a break it’s not like you’re ignoring her. Do what you need to wake up as it gets harder as they get older and on the move.

OP, stop justifying yourself to those sanctimonious cows who are telling you its the height of laziness to drink a coffee in peace in the morning, while your baby plays next to you. Honestly...some of you lot are just horrible people. I swear Mumsnet never used to be like this 🙄

Is the playpen more a room divider type thing, so you have cordoned off an area of the lounge that is a safe space for your DD?

How much parenting does your DH do?

How will you split parenting/chores when you are back at work?

Sounds like across the week your baby gets plenty of interaction, social time, fresh air and educational activity in general. None of us are perfect parents. Taking some time to yourself in the day whilst baby entertains themselves for 20/30 mins is useful.
Only you know what balance is provided so it’s hard for anyone to say 100%.

2 questions:
How often does DH look after DD alone and what does he do for the daily routine?
Any chance DH resents you ‘relaxing’ at home due to his views/expectations on women?

Children find it hard to be bored now, a bit of non-entertained free time is important for development also! Age and stage dependent